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| | + | [[Image:090218-shamwow.jpg|right|thumb|You're not gonna cry anymore.]] |
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| | {{char}} | | {{char}} |
| − | [[Image:Mrvince2.jpg|thumb|Vince's Slap Chop will make [[you]] love his [[nuts]].]]
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| − | [[Image:090218-shamwow.jpg|right|thumb|You're [[no]]t gonna cry anymore.]]
| + | '''Vince Offer''' is an actor, director, and comedian turned television salesman dressed (almost) like a [[Scout]]. Is well known for his advertisements for ShamWow! and the Slap Chop. Was also apparently born in Isreal. |
| − | [[Image:Woweverytime.jpg|thumb|right|Wow, what a role reversal!]]
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| − | {{VidCaption|qKQAGh01ZaY|Vince's newest advertisement for Eminem's newest CD in Recovery.}}
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| − | '''Vince Offer''' is an actor, director, and comedian turned television salesman dressed (almost) like a [[Scout]]. He is well known for his advertisements for his surprisingly successful products, ''Sham-Wow!'' , the ''Slap Chop'' , the ''Schticky'' , and the ''InVINCEable.'' He was also born in Israel. | |
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| | ==About== | | ==About== |
| − | Vince's earliest activities can be traced back to his service in the border patrol in the mid-to-late nineties. After a particularly nasty shootout involving [[Naruto|illicit drug-trafficking and children in pajamas]], Vince took to Florida and joined film school, where he spent several years directing independent [[Princess Peach|snuff films]]. When his film group was finally busted, he fled, changing his name and identity, and undergoing extensive plastic surgery. It was in 2003 that he first delved into the world show-business. | + | Contary to popular belief, Vince wasn't always an advertising kind of guy. The first thing that he did in 1999 (Yeh, that's right, 1999.) was make a movie called "The Underground Comedy Movie." He wrote, directed, and acted in it with Slash, the (former) guitarist for Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver. Unfortunetly, his movie wasn't received well, and he hid from the public eye for about seven years. |
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| − | He is now a pitchman, most widely known for pandering off the numerous qualities of the legendary ShamWow! towel line (which is made in [[German]]y, [[Nazi|which always makes good stuff]]) and the Slap Chop kitchen appliance. | + | He is now a pitchman, and he has pointed out the numerous qualities of the legendary ShamWow! (which is made in Germany, [[Nazi|which always makes good stuff.]]). He also has a fascination with his [[nuts]]. |
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| − | He is no longer a threat to [[Billy Mays]] as having been arrested for beating up a prostitute in early 2009. However, on June 28th, 2009, Billy Mays sadly passed away at the age of fifty. It is speculated that Vince himself will have to take his place as front-runner pitchman, as the British [[Cillit Bang]] guy is nowhere to be found (presumably dead or hiding somewhere in [[Hannah Montana|Montana]]). | + | He is no longer a threat to [[Billy Mays]] as he has been arrested for beating up a prostitute (Though if she got herself [[AIDS|an STD]], then I say that the bitch deserved it.). |
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| − | The motherfucker also participated in a song remix of his Slap Chop commercial with (DJ) Steve Porter. Making the music not only helped him make a comeback, but also get his revenge on [[Billy Mays]] for the hooker incident. For two months in 2004, he served as a military [[scout]] and gunman for the United States Army. | + | The mofo also participated in a song remix of his Slap Chop commercial with (DJ) Steve Porter making the music to help him not only get a comeback, but also get his revenge on Billy Mays for the hooker incident. So far, it seems that it's working. |
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| − | He recently starred in a new infomercial, advertising Eminem's new album, "Recovery". [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzrArpks3mk No really.]
| + | On June 28th, 2009, Billy Mays passed away at the age of fifty. It is spectulated that Vince himself will have to take his place as front-runner pitchman, as the British Cillit Bang guy is nowhere to be found. |
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| − | Later, he appeared in another new commercial for the "Schticky", and midway through it he references the hooker incident by showing him getting his mugshot taken.
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| − | [[Image:Shamwow mugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Hi, it's Vince with Slap[[Bitch]].]]
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| | ==Quotes== | | ==Quotes== |
| | + | *''"You're gonna love my nuts."'' |
| | + | *''"You'll be saying "wow" every time."'' |
| | + | *''"You followin' me cameraguy?"'' |
| | + | *''"Wow... Wet."'' |
| | + | *''"You k[[no]]w the [[Nazi|Germans]] make good stuff."'' |
| | *''"Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow!"'' | | *''"Hi, it's Vince with ShamWow!"'' |
| | *''"Hi, it's Vince with the Slap Chop."'' | | *''"Hi, it's Vince with the Slap Chop."'' |
| − | *''"Hey, it's Vince with Eminem's new album <nowiki>'</nowiki>Recovery<nowiki>'</nowiki>."''
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| − | *''"You're gonna be clappin<nowiki>'</nowiki> when you hear Eminem rappin<nowiki>'</nowiki>."''
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| − | *''"You're gonna [[love]] my nuts."''
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| − | *''"You'll be saying ''"wow"'' every time."''
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| − | *''"You followin' me cameraguy?"''
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| − | *''"Wow... Wet."''
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| − | *''"You know the [[German]]s make [[good]] [[stuff]]."''
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| − | *''"This lasts ten years, this lasts a week!"''
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| − | *''"Stop having a boring tuna; stop having a boring life."''
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| | *''"Forget about it."'' | | *''"Forget about it."'' |
| | *''"You're gonna love this."'' | | *''"You're gonna love this."'' |
| − | *''"You gonna slap my nuts, one slap at a time."''
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| − | *''"Problem with that shedding pussy?"''
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| − | ==Trivia==
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| − | *You're gonna love his nuts.
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| − | *Is obsessed with [[Germany]] and [[:Category:Nazis|other]] [[Von Kaiser|things]] from there for some reason.
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| − | *Was born in Israel, which means that he was a born Jew.
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| − | *Was arrested for beating up a hooker.
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| − | *Was once a [[Tom Cruise|Scientologist]].
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| − | *He knows that [[Spongebob Squarepants (Character)|sponges]] only last for a week, while his Sham-Wows last for over 10 years.
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| − | *He once tried to sing a song about how he hated [[Super Macho Man|Los Angeles.]] Of course, that was during his time as an actor/director and not an advertiser, so yeah.
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| − | *[[ChristianU2uber]] thinks he's better than [[Billy Mays]].
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| − | *His pussy is slippery when wet.
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| − | *He appears to have a speech impediment. For example: ''You're gonna love the big Schticky'' becomes ''You're gonna love the '''Vig''' Schticky.
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| − | *He's created two sketch comedy movies, ''The Underground Comedy Movie'' and ''InAPPropriate Comedy''. They're both [[bad]].
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| | ==Official Websites For His Stuff. (Also, Sources!)== | | ==Official Websites For His Stuff. (Also, Sources!)== |
| − | *<span class="plainlinks">[https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp The Official Place To Get ]</span>[[You]][https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp r ShamWow!]
| + | [https://www.shamwow.com/ver8/index.asp The Official Place To Get [[You]]r ShamWow!] |
| − | *<span class="plainlinks">[https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp The Official Place To Get ]</span>[[You]][https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp r Slap Chop!]
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| − | *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3d4-oQ7EQY The ShamWow commercial.]
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| − | *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUbWjIKxrrs The Slap Chop commercial.]
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| − | *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPKtBM99kAc Shortened version of the Slap Chop commercial.]
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| − | *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA Vince's music with (DJ) Steve Porter for the Slap Chop.]
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| | + | [https://www.slapchop.com/ver3/index.asp The Official Place To Get [[You]]r Slap Chop!] |
| | [[Category:Characters - Male]] | | [[Category:Characters - Male]] |
| − | [[Category:Characters - Jewish]]
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| − | [[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
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| − | [[Category:Real People]]
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| − | [[Category:Nazis]]
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| − | [[Category:Internet Memes]]
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| − | [[Category:Business People]]
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| − | [[Category:Spokespeople]]
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| − | [[Category:Musicians]]
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| − | [[Category:Actors]]
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