Editing Shaquille O'Neal

{{CharBox
|name=Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal
|image=Shaquille O'Neal Free Throw.jpg
|sex=Male
|age=38
|occupation=National Basketball Association Player/Rapper/Actor
|nationality=American
}}{{Char}}{{Media}}
Shaquille O'Neal (Or Shaq for short.) is a tall [[ass]] guy who played for five teams. He started out with the Orlando Magic, then he played with [[Japan|Kobe]] [[Shit|Bryant]] in what some called his best stint with the Los Angeles Lakers. He would win three straight championships with him. After he feuded with him due to contract extensions, he would go to [[List of cities by country|Miami]] to play with Dwayne Wade and the [[List of cities by country|Miami Heat.]] He would end up winning a championship with him as well, but the cost would be him being injured. It looked like all hope was lost for the [[fat|big]] guy until he got traded to the Phoenix Suns. During his time with [[List of cities by country|Phoenix,]] he would get the best stuff in his entire career, including an All-Star MVP award to share with Kobe Bryant. However, the price to be paid for that was him missing the playoffs (Even though they were really, really close.) for the first time ever (Minus his rookie year.). With that, the [[List of cities by country|Phoenix Suns]] decided to trade him to Cleveland for a chance to play with [[Good|LeBron]] [[Fox McCloud|James]] and probably win a 5th championship. Will he do it? [[No]], because his team lost to Boston, who ended up losing to the L.A. Lakers. BITCH!!!

===His Time As A Rapper===
Back when people considered Shaq to be [[no|the second coming of]] [[Jesus Christ]], people felt that he should able to become a musician. Unfortunately, Shaq took the public media's advice and he decided to create a few rap CD's. His first CD, called "Shaq [[Shit|Diesel]]" (It's another one of his many nicknames.) [[Pickle Surprise|surprisingly]] got a double-platinum success. It featured Def Jam, [[Shit|Phife Dawg]], and [[Shit|Fu-Schnikens]]. His first (and most popular) single called "([[I]] K[[no]]w [[I]] [[AIDS|Got]]) Skillz" (Which had Def Jam on a verse.) just as [[Pickle Surprise|surprisingly]] fared as well as his CD, which was #35 on the [[Shit|Billboard Hot 100]] and #3 on the [[Shit|Hot Rap Singles]]. His second (and last) single from this CD, "[[I]]'m Outstanding" didn't fare as well as his first single, but it still [[no|had decent success]].

A year after releasing the first CD, he released another CD called "[[Shit|Shaq-Fu]]: The Return." While it failed to have the same success as "Shaq [[shit|Diesel]]" (Probably due to the fact that he named his CD after a [[shit]]ty video game <s>made</s> published by [[EA]] {[[Yes|Yeah]] that's right, [[EA]] <s>made</s> published one of the worst games of all time.}.), it still did well enough to get a platinum. "Shaq-Fu: The Return" featured much better guys in Redman, Method Man, and RZA (All of which were from the [[Wu-Tang Clan]].), but it still had unk[[no]]wn [[fuck]]ers like [[Shit|Ill Al Skratch]], [[Shit|Mr. Ruffneck]], and [[Shit|General Sha]]. It's first single, "Biological Didn't Bother," did almost as well as "[[I]]'m Outstanding," but it didn't do any better than it. The second (and last) single, "[[No]] Hook" (Which featured both Method Man & RZA.), did even worse than "Biological Didn't Bother," and "[[No]] Hook" had two really popular rappers on that song too.

Two years after "[[Shit|Shaq-Fu]]: The Return" was released, he decided to return with "[[You]] [[No|Can't Stop the Reign]]". Thankfully, the public realized what [[bad]] rapping skills he had, and his "Reign" stopped in rapping, because it went gold instead of platinum. [[Pickle Surprise|Surprisingly,]] he had a lot of rappers on it, including The Notorius B.I.G. (R.I.P.), [[Bad|Jay-Z]], Rakim, DJ Quik, Mobb Deep, and Lord Tariq. Unfortunetly, it still had its unk[[no]]wn people and even worse, most of the tracks were just collaborations instead of Shaq-exclusive tracks. The "Reign's" first single, "[[You]] [[no|Can't Stop the Reign]]" (Featuring The Notorius B.I.G. {R.I.P.}), did really [[bad]]. The "Reign's" second (and last) single, "Straight Playin'" (Featuring DJ Quik & Peter Gunz.), did even worse.

He made one more single called "[[Superman|Men of Steel,]]" which included [[Ice Cube]], B-Real of Cypress Hill, Peter Gunz, and KRS-One. His song was the best charted Shaq had ever since "Biological Didn't Bother" (Most likely due to the success of the other artists, minus Peter Gunz.) and it was a [[Ganon|great]] success. However, the movie which featured this song, "[[Shit|Steel]]," was anything but that. Unfortunetly, the success of that song made Shaq create one more CD. This (last) CD was called "Respect". Thankfully, people didn't bother with it and he didn't get anything of worth at all. His guest stars were [[shit]] and even it's only single, "The Way It's Goin' Down" (Featuring Peter Gunz.), was treated like [[shit]]. In short, this CD was just pure [[shit]].

Unfortunetly, he didn't learn from that and he wanted to create one last CD called "Shaquille O'Neal Presents His Superfreinds, Vol. 1." It was going to have many, many guest artists like [[Snoop Dogg]], Nate Dogg, Dr. Dre, [[George Carlin|George Clinton]], [[Shit|Talib Kweli]], Mos Def, and even some musicians from Korn and 311, along with many others. Thankfully, due to 9/11, it was delayed to October 9, and then the day of never. However, one last single would arrive that would've appeared on that CD called "Connected," which featured WC and Nate Dogg. Thankfully, his last single ever would be just that... the last one without any merit at all. He also had soundtracks for "[[Nostalgia Critic|Kazaam]]" and the aforementioned "Steel," but we'll talk about those films downtown. In the end, [[no]]t all of Shaq's songs were [[bad]] (The songs that had The Notorius B.I.G. {R.I.P.}, [[Ice Cube]], B-Real of Cypress Hill, KRS-One, Coolio, and even [[Michael Jackson]] himself {Shaq did a song with him on Michael's H.I.S.tory album.} are [[Ganon|great]] examples of [[good]] songs involving him.) but the end result is that his rapping career sucked. But hey, at least his movie career was better, right? [[Wrong|Right?]]
[[Image:Shaq-wonderwoman.JPG|frame|right|Shaq playing the role of [[Wonder Woman]]. [[Yes]], it's as creepy as it both looks and sounds. By the way, [[Nostalgia Critic|LET IT HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!]]]]

===His Time As An Actor===
Unfortunetly, his movie carrer was even worse than his rapping carrer, and that's honestly [[Pickle Surprise|surprising.]] The first movie that he did was "Blue Chips," which is a drama film involving basketball. Shaq played as a center for the Western University Dolphins named Neon Boudreaux. He would get a Lexus for his role. Unfortunetly, the film was average and he was nominated for a Razzie for being the worst new (movie) star. [[No]]w when [[you]] nearly get a Razzie for a role which [[you]]'re practically perfect to play for, [[you]] k[[no]]w that something's [[wrong]] with [[you]] for acting.

He'd get a second chance for being in a film. His second chance would, unfortunetly, be in "Kazaam." Shaq would play as a rapping [[Genie]] who grants wishes to a young white kid. His disguise would be being a tall guy named Neal Friedman. A highlight to his acting in "Kazaam" is when he says "Let's green [[egg]]s and ham it!" [[Nostalgia Critic|The Nostalgia Critic]] would soon review that movie to show people how horrible it was. [[You]] can watch it [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/1961-kazaam right here.] [[M. Bison|Of course]], if the Nostalgia Critic said that was a piece of horse [[shit]], then so did everyone else. Infact, Scary Movie dissed the movie by saying that it was the worst horror film ever, in which it wasn't a horror film.

A third chance would be in the movie "[[Good Burger]]." He would play as himself wanting a [[good]] burger. He actually pretty [[good]] in this film. Then again, he did be in this film for over a minute or [[2|two.]] Coincidentally, the [[Nostalgia Critic]] accidentally found out about him being in the film and thus, it's the second film in a row that would be reviewed by the Nostalgia Critic that has Shaq in it. Once again, [[you]] can find his review [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/3964-good-burger right here.] Once again, the film he would be in was [[shit]] and it unfortunetly made him doing yet another terrible movie.

That movie would be called "Steel." Steel was Shaq's attempt at acting like a superhero (Steel is a superhero from the DC Universe.). He plays the role of John Henry Irons, who would later on be[[cum|come]] Steel. Unfortunetly, his acting worsened from Kazaam, which many didn't k[[no]]w was possible. Infact, his acting was so bad in that movie that he nominated for another Razzie for being the worst actor of 1997. Strangly [[enough]], the [[Nostalgia Critic]] found him yet again and reviewed one of Shaq's peices of [[shit]] yet again. For the third time in a row, [[you]] can find his crazy review [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/9031-steel right here] (As well as hope to [[God]] that he doesn't find him ever again in a film.).

[[I]] honestly could go on all day long, but [[I]] can't, so [[I]]'ll just tell [[you]] which films he appeared in. He appeared in "He Got Game", "A [[Ganon|Great]] Day in [[Hip]] [[Hop]]", "The Wash" (Which is actually a [[good]] film for once.), "[[Fred]]dy Got [[Sex|Fingered]]", "After the Sunset", "[[Anti-Uctions|Scary Movie 4]]", and most recently, "The House Bunny." He also appeared in commercials and reality TV shows like "Shaq [[Capcom|Vs.]]", but [[I]] honestly think it's safe to say that he'd be/he's better off doing just that from here on out, because it's clear that his acting is just [[shit]].

[[Image:DefaultCAWK13MS.jpg|thumb|right|Shaq sponsoring Baskin Robbin's special [[die|death]] rays.]]

===Quotes===
*"Let's green [[egg]]s and ham it!"
*"[[Penis|Wang]] [[Jackie Chan|Ju]], whatever [[you]]'re name is. You tell Yao Ming, ching chong yang, wah, ah so."
*"It's just something to have on my resume for when I go back into reality. Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else."
*"Kobe, tell me how my [[ass]] taste."
*"They tried to take over the [[fuck]]ing game."
*"[[I]] [[no|don't give a]] [[shit]]!"
*"Thanks, Margaret. (smiles)"
*"CAN [[YOU]] DIG IIIIIIIT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*"Music, please."

===Trivia===
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*He once voice acted for [[Johnny Bravo]]. During that time, he used him because Johnny Bravo turns him into a [[good]] free-throw shooter. In the end, he made a free-throw shot all on his own and he didn't need him anymore.
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*Has a crazy play named after him called "Hack-A-Shaq."
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*Is (Or rather was) a police officer for [[Birds|Phoenix]] (Specifically, the Maricopa region.).
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*Has his own [[shit|Twitter]] page. If [[you]]'re curious as to what it's like, [[you]] can go and click [http://twitter.com/THE_REAL_SHAQ right here.]
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*He used to have a fued with [[Shit|Kobe Bryant]] back when he was traded to Miami. Thankfully, it ended, although Shaq still had one last diss towards him by having a [[retard|stupid]] rap song that he did when the Boston Celtics beat the [[Shit|L.A. Lakers]].
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*He gratuated from Louisiana University.
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*Also, he got [[no|divorced]] once. He also used that for a diss for the ([[retard|stupid]]) Kobe Bryant rap song.
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*He knocked the Big Show on his [[ass]] on WWE Raw.
*He's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter.
*He's the only NBA player from the original arcade 1993 NBA Jam game to be in the 2010 NBA Jam game for the [[Nintendo Wii]].
*Did [[I]] also forget to mention that he's a [[bad]] free-throw shooter?
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shaquille O'Neal}}
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