Chewiki Archive - YouChew - User contributions [en]

User talk:Yueenode

2016-09-28T11:44:49Z

Yueenode:

==Hello==

Supposing that I am here I'd better introduce myself. I am Yueenode, and I'm not a pooper as such, more of a watcher. I was first introduced to Youtube Poop in 2007 when I saw a Sonic X poop mish-mashed with clips from Hotel Mario (a game that I owned) and the CD-I Zelda games. I have been a regular watcher since and my favourite character is Robotnik because of his "Prrromotion" and "SILENCE!".

==You what?==

You might be surprised to hear this but I do own Hotel Mario as a game. Yes. I am in the possession of the mighty enclosed instruction book. I used to play it when I was little but sadly, my CD-I isn't plugged in anywhere to play it nowadays.

The game was what got me into Mario. The gameplay was pretty challenging. I only managed Hotel 5 in the game. If you're asking about the cutscenes, the game was so hard, I didn't get to see all of them.

==Message to unscrupulous users==

Recently my talk page got edited by someone who just rambled on in incoherent English about movies, enrollees, affairs, e-motion pictures and whatnot. What was the whole point of that? My user talk page is not a page to discuss random topics. This page is talking about me and my interests. It's not called "User Talk: Yueenode" for nothing. If you want somewhere to ramble on about something, go somewhere else.

I also suspect the user's first language isn't English, and they may have been trying to talk to me about something important (though considering this was just stuff about movies, I think it's some kind of spam attempt). I've never seen English so incoherent like that, so I'm assuming the user in question just ran his text through online translations software and left it at that. Whoever you are, I understand English is not your first language, but automated translation is no subsitute for a language education. They translate words, not meaning. Why couldn't you have just saved up for an English education rather than running it through a machine?

Apologies to everyone, especially the Chewiki administration. It's just that this talk page is not for rambling or advertising in any form.

::*That was a spambot that wrote stuff on your talk page. He has been blocked permenently. Crap, I can't spell [[User:TheFXexpert|TheFXexpert]] 12:33, 21 November 2011 (PST)
::*Well, guess some nasty programmers don't know when to stop. Hopefully we won't have as many more of those in future. It spoils my enjoyment of the site. [[User:Yueenode|Yueenode]] 13:05, 21 November 2011 (PST)

==About Setting the Time Zone...==

* You can set the time zone in your [[Special:Preferences|Preferences]]. [[User:TheFXexpert|TheFXexpert]] 13:18, 21 November 2011 (PST)

Demoman

2014-12-27T18:20:57Z

Yueenode: Updated in accordance with weapon changes in the Smissmas 2014 update.

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down (while being used) but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Also restores some charge if you charge and decapitate your target. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! You'd better watch yourself. He also gets some charge replenished if he kills you with one. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Tide Turner''': A broken ship's steering wheel used to steer your shield charge. Also replenishes most of the charge meter on a successful kill. Full speed ahead, laddies! But be prepared if you're sailing directly into battle. Taking damage reduces the charge. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most people would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Demoman is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Quickiebomb Launcher''': Struggling with sticky traps? Feel like winbombing? These quick stickies take out enemy stickies and anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast, but be quick though. These stickies vanish if not detonated. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE [[Fuck|FECKIN']] [[PENIS|SEA MONSTERS]] IN THE GREAT LOCKED NESS THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Demoman

2014-12-23T23:57:19Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Added the Quickiebomb Launcher.

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Tide Turner''': A broken ship's steering wheel used to steer your shield charge. Also replenishes the charge meter on a successful kill. Full speed ahead, laddies! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most people would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Demoman is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Quickiebomb Launcher''': Struggling with sticky traps? Feel like winbombing? These quick stickies take out enemy stickies and anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast, but be quick though. These stickies vanish if not detonated. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE [[Fuck|FECKIN']] [[PENIS|SEA MONSTERS]] IN THE GREAT LOCKED NESS THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Sniper

2014-11-03T20:42:40Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Classic''': Going retro with a TFC-themed ''Sniper Rifle'', this can charge and headshot regardless of zoom. Sounds cheap and rage-worthy, but headshots can only be allowed on a full charge. Patience makes the rage (How oxymoronic).
*'''Self-Aware Beauty Mark''': Borrowed from the Medic's lab. Warning: This jar contains deadly face-eating mutated bread. On the upside, it's great for throwing at your enemies though. Functions identically to the ''Jarate'' and replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers reload-activated focus (at maximum, faster charging and no unscoping) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman''. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Medic

2014-11-03T20:40:42Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
[[Image:Uselessclass.jpg|thumb|right|A picture of the Medic.]]
[[Image:Medicupdate325.jpg|thumb|right|[[DIE|Auf Wiedersehen, Liebchen]].]]
[[Image:Medic_bomb.PNG|thumb|200px|Here we see the Medic seducing the Heavy to have sexual intercourse with him.]]
{{vid|36lSzUMBJnc}}
==Overview==
The medic is the man who you spam the E button with that never shows up to heal you. One of the 9 classes from the first person shooter PC game, [[Team Fortress 2]], he originates from the country of (West) [[Germany]], specifically in the town of Stuttgart. Some weapons used by the doc is the Medigun (healing dying morons), a gun that shoots syringes, and the bone saw that will SAW THROUGH YOUR BONES.

Though the Medic was originally enlisted in the Peace Corps. for deployment somewhere in [[Africa]], due to a technicality he found himself deployed with the RED team on ''cp_well'' in the middle of a huge battle, and has been trying to get himself out of it. However, after befriending the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]], he decided to stay with them.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Syringe Gun''': Fires syringes full of some [[Die|deadly]] compound, likely cyanide or arsenic.
*'''Medigun''': A wondrous portable device that allows him to heal his allies (and [[Spy|Spies]]), even up to 150% their normal health. Healing allies builds up the medic's "Ubercharge". When fully charged, it can be activated to make the Medic and the ally temporarily invincible, allowing the team opportunity to advance through enemy lines. How this wonderful healing technology works is still in question, but the better question is why these aren't being mass-produced for hospitals?
*'''Bonesaw''': The perfect tool for amputation ''and'' replacing a violin.
===Update===
*'''Blutsauger''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun'', when the needles hit the opponent, it somehow heals the Medic. Recommended for the more aggressive "Battle-Medic".
*'''KritzKrieg''': Replacing the ''Medigun'', it heals the same way the Medigun would, though when charged instead of invulnerability it gives the healed ally critical hits throughout the charge. Oh, I get it! Kritz, Crits...yeah.
*'''Ubersaw''': The perfect tool for amputation ''and'' giving 25% Ubercharge for every cut he makes ''and'' replacing the ''Bonesaw''.
*'''Quick-Fix''': Replaces the ''Medigun'' and is in fact a prototype of it. Although it does not provide invincibility, it does heal at three times the normal rate and any movement-impairing effects are nullified on Ubercharge. It also has the inexplicable power of making the Medic run as fast as his heal target...wait...Scout and Medic...Oh crap.
*'''Solemn Vow''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This bust of Hippocrates contains the mysterious ability to show the Medic the health of his enemies. If that's too good for you, let me tell you that you need EIGHT Jarates and some metal to make this (and don't tell me how that works either!). It says "Do No Harm" on it as well. Oh the irony!
*'''Overdose''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun'' and is in fact a prototype of it. This model is linked to the medical pack giving movement speed increase based on the amount of Ubercharge you have...up to 10% maximum.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)!
*'''Necro Smasher''': Replaces the ''Bat''. A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon!

===Community===
*'''Vita-Saw''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This needle-like saw retains 20% of a Medic's ubercharge when he's killed. Surprise headshots or backstabs before unleashing an ubercharge won't be so humiliating now.
*'''Crusader's Crossbow''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun''. Now long distance healing is possible, as the syringes heal teammates and are more lethal to enemies at great distances. There's few syringes though so use sparingly.
*'''Amputator''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. A taunt magically heals your teammates, but keep the room clear of enemies to avoid dying mid-taunt. Now also provides regenerating health (while out) at the cost of taking extra damage.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.
*'''Vaccinator''': Replaces the ''Medigun''. Designed for tactical Medics, the Vaccinator offers him and his heal target resistance against a selected type of damage (bullet, explosive, fire). Need to handle that incoming Heavy? There's a resistance for that. Angry Pyro inbound? There's a resistance for that. The Ubercharge bar is also sliced into four two-second separate Ubercharges, which increase resistance. Adapt your Ubercharges by changing the resistance for each one to the enemy accordingly! Even cover your own escape with it! Give grenades and stickies the middle finger as you flee to safety! Quickly though. Ubercharge is lost depending on how much damage is done.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw'' and goes CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Freedom Staff''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. It's a staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Medic wields the Crusader's Crossbow and the Amputator, the Medic regenerates health in seconds.

[[Image:NotMedic.jpg|thumb|left|270px|Stephen Colbert dreams of the day he can become medic.]]

==Quotes==
*"Sie Teleporter goes here!"
*"Prepare for [[you]]r [[Arse|examination!]]"
*"Sie [[Spy]] ist a Double <s>[[African|Nigger]]</s> Agent!"
*"[[You]] Are... SCHTUPID!!"
*"Oops! Das vas not medicine!"
*"Danke, [[Retard|dumköpfe]]."
*"Sie healing ist not as rewarding as sie hurting!"
*"You are trying my patience!"
*"Vunderbach!"
*"Vould you like a second opinion? You are also UGLY!"
*"[[Yes|Jawohl]]."
*"OKTOBERFEST!!!"
*"Welcome to the "we lose once again" fest..."
*"Zis is UNACCEPTABLE!"
*"I AM SIE [[Superman|ÜBERMENSCH]]!"
*"'Ello, [[:Category:Characters - Female|fräuleins]]!"
*"Don't be such a baby. Ribs grow back... *whispering*[[No]], zey don't..."

==Trivia==
{{VidCaption|mAEmnNvabm0|Medic shows his incredible dancing skills.}}
*Once acted in a German porno involving two puppies.
*He LOVES the first day of each month of the year. He also loves [[YTPMV]]s about him saying it loudly.
*He has found the cure to the common cold.
*He's got mad dancing skillz, as seen in the video to the right.
*Is madly in love with the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].
*Despite this, he apparently has a wife, according to the [[Demoman]]. However, this can be ignored because the [[Demoman]] is always drunk, and thus is an unsuitable source of information.
*Once had [[gay]] [[sex]] with the [[Spy]]. The Medic only did it as he thought the Spy was [[Heavy]], until after the incident had occurred. When questioned all the Medic had to say was "The Heavy is a Spy!"
*He likes to thank [[Engineer|hard hatted friends]] for their good work.
*During World War II, the Medic served in the Heer of the Wehrmacht on the eastern front as a, well, medic.
*He was voted homecoming [[King]] in High School and his Queen was [[Zelda]].
*Has the same voice actor as [[Travis Touchdown]] from the No More Heroes games.
*Enjoys festivals and going to them (His favourite being [[Beer|Oktoberfest]]), with the exception of the ''We-Lose-Once-Again Fest.''
*Heavy won't let him do anything.
*Keeps a whole flock of [[Birds|doves]] as pets. One of them is suitably named Archimedes.
*Is the [[Superman|übermensch]].
[[:Image:Medic and Mrs by humon1.jpg|The Medic and his wife at dinner.]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Doctors]]
[[Category:Characters - German]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Gay Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Engineer

2014-11-03T20:39:45Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Delmond "Dell" Conagher
|image=engyhead.png
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Engineer
|nationality=American
|cast=[[Wolf O'Donnell|Grant Goodeve]]}}
[[Image:20122.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer warning [[you]] about his heavy caliber sentry.]]
[[Image:MeetTheEngineer03.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer solving his practical problems.]]
{{Vid|i68cEsALWt0}}
[[Image:Engyequation.PNG|thumb|right|The Engineer's favourite equation.]]
[[Image:Vsdfsad.jpg|thumb|right|The red Engineer is being barraged by too many blue [[Spy|Spies.]]]]
The Engineer, or Engineer for short, is one of the people in [[Team Fortress 2]] that is straight. He went to the University of Texas with [[Dave Grohl]] to learn how to solve [[FEELINGS|practical problems]]. He can build gun, more gun, teleporters, dispensers, and destroy them. He also assisted in building [[Dave Grohl]]'s time machine. He may be able to stop Mama Luigi's reign of terror, but is too busy solving [[FEELINGS|practical problems]].

Cultural Heritage: Bee Cave, [[Texas]], [[USA]]

==[[Arse]]nal==
*'''Shotgun''': His pa's ol' huntin' weapon.
*'''Pistol''': His pa's ol' huntin...sidearm...
*'''Wrench''': <s>His pa's ol' huntin' wrench</s> This wrench is gifted with the ability to repair and upgrade machinery by simply whacking at them. Amazing! The same does not apply to humans, of course.
*'''PDA''': Allows him to prepare or destroy his buildings. [[No]], his pa never used it for hunting. The PDA allows the Engineer to set up...
**'''Sentry''': Can automatically pick off targets. Beware, for the presence of one will cause rageswitching to [[Spy]] in an effort to take out said sentry.
**'''Dispenser''': Automatically dispenses health, ammunition, metal, and [[Coca-Cola]] for those certain occasions.
**'''Teleporter''': Watch your teammates push and shove each other out of the way to save themselves 15 seconds of walking!
=====Update=====
*'''Frontier Justice''': Did your sentry just get overwhelmed and destroyed? Now instead of cowering back to your base like a little bitch you can fight back with this special ''Shotgun''! After the sentry blows this gun awards critical shots at the expense of a reduced ammo load.
*'''The Wrangler''': A modified Atari controller that allows you to manually aim and fire your sentry, as well as give it a shield that absorbs most of the damage! If you die while using it though, that shield will vanish in 1 second, so careful not to leave yourself open. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''The Gunslinger''': This special bionic arm gives you a slight health boost as well as allowing you to deploy '''Combat Mini-Sentries''' instead of regular sentries, which build faster and take less metal but cannot be repaired or upgraded. Oh yeah, you can also punch things! Replaces your ''Wrench'' as well as your ''Sentry'', as well as one of your hands, apparently.
*'''Pomson 6000''': Stay one step ahead of [[Spy|Spies]] and [[Medic]]s, draining their cloak and ubercharge with the energy particles from this Indivisible Particle Smasher! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Eureka Effect''': You can teleport back to your spawn or your teleporter exit with this ''Wrench''. Possible enemy's reaction? "WTF HAX!" But on the downside, buildings repair and upgrade slower, so watch where you're building. Replaces the ''Wrench''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Wrench'', and on that note also makes a handy-dandy repair tool.

=====Community=====
*'''Southern Hospitality''': A newer-model ''Wrench'' which makes enemies [[Emo Luigi|bleed out]], but you're more vulnerable to [[Pyro|fire damage]].
*'''Jag''': Another model ''Wrench'' that's been hanging in Engineer's toolbox for a while. It speeds up construction so the defences go up faster, and that leaves more time to relax with a beer.
*'''Widowmaker''': A shotgun powered by metal that absorbs metal when dealing damage. Did that twist your tongue? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Short Circuit''': Did you just see your crit rocket suddenly disintegrate right in front of that sentry? Guess it was another unlucky victim of this handy dandy electrical field generator, designed specifically for zapping projectiles right out of the air! Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Rescue Ranger''': A modified shotgun useful for packing up your buildings at a distance or repairing them at range using the special bolts. Unfortunately picking up buildings this way marks you for death so you'd better be fast outta there before a Heavy mows you down in seconds. Also quite useful for multitasking. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Lugermorph''': The Engineer shares this pistol with the Scout. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol.
=====Event=====
*'''Golden Wrench''': One hundred players crafted this special gilded ''Wrench'' said to be made by King Midas/Sauron himself. Though they have no enhanced attacking capabilities they do grant the ability to turn their unlucky dead victims into solid gold statues as well as grant bragging rights to the hundred lucky bastards who got these.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Just like the ''Wrench'', it can repair and upgrade buildings. Even the buildings have something to feel good about too!

== Quotes ==
*Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.
*I solve practical problems.
*How am I gonna stop some big mean mother-[[Fucker|hubbard]] from tearing me a structurally superfluous new [[Arse|behind]]? The answer...is a [[gun]].
*If that don't work, ''use more gun''!
*And you best hope... not pointed at [[you]].
*SPY SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY!
*C'MERE, [[Pussy|SISSY]]!
*[[Gordon Freeman|Gordon Freemant]], what are you working on?
*Whait oh no where id isotop?
*[[Penis|ERECTIN' A DISPENSER]]
*Ya'll just got drafted into MY [[war]]!
*You can always tell a [[Texas|Texan]], but ya can't tell 'em much.
*I'm Wolverine-mean, you son-of-a-bitch!
*Sell your tonics elsewhere, miracle man.
*Aww, now you don't look like a happy camper.
*[[Sniper|Down under]]? More like [[Roy Koopa|six feet down under]].
*Erectin' a statue of a [[Retard|moron]]!
*Makin' [[bacon]].
*This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
*Sometimes, you just need a little less gun.
*Hurrr...
*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!
*GOTTAM GOTTAM GOTTAM
*GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR UP.

== Trivia ==
*Has odd tendencies to spout the conditions of his machines, even on break.
*Created a time paradox by preventing [[Kurt Cobain|Kurt Cobain's]] suicide. (NUH-UH [[No|COURTNEY KILLED HIM]])
[[Image:Engineer_child_photo.png|right]]
*Usually is paired with the [[Soldier]] in a series of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is a world-famous plastic surgeon. He once used a [[Robotnik|Super Sucking Vacuum Trap]] to enlarge a woman's [[Boobs|bust]].
*Has an IQ of 187.
*Has 11 [[Diploma Dope|Doctorates in Engineering and various Sciences]], all of which were originally his.
*Loves his toys, and of course hates when the [[Spy]] SAPS HIS SENTRY and murders his toys, in which a small tear falls from his eye.
*According to the [[Spy]], he is the real inventor of [[Slippy Toad]]'s inventions, and was hired by Slippy so that he could stay on the [[Fox McCloud|Star Fox]] team.
*His twin brother ''Jimm'' was a former "cow-orker" of [[Gordon Freeman]]t. On the job, Jimm survived a headcrab attack as well as a severe laceration to the head by claymore [[sword]] before finally being blown to "smitheroons" caused by radiation. All this happened within a minute.
*The voice actor for the Engineer played the voice role of ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'' in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Ass]]ault''', which coincidentally is one of the [[Soldier]]'s voice roles in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Nintendo|64.]]'''
*Likes [[bacon]], and is makin' bacon.
*In his spare time, he is also a [[Pokemon]] trainer, specializing in [[Pikachu|electric-type Pokemon]]. Usually, he can be found hanging out on route 11 in [[Japan|Kanto]], waiting for [[Ash Ketchum|Pokemon trainers]] to pass by so he can battle them.
*His wrench is a now-obsolete Monkey Wrench, which is not to be confused with a [[Mario|Pipe]] Wrench.
*Is an avid [[Thomas and Friends|Rail]] Fan, and owns a Locomotive Engineer's cap.
*Despite what the [[Soldier]] says, he is not [[Canada|Canadian]].
*Is disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost the 2010 World Series to [[GAY|San Francisco]]. His response: "[[Damn|Dammit]], dammit, dammit!"
**Is also disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost to the [[St. Louis]] [[Birds|Cardinals]] in the 2011 World Series. His response: *scream* Dagnabit, dammit!"
[[Image:Spy-check.jpg|frame|centre|This could be you.]]

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Southerners]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Heavy Weapons Guy

2014-11-03T20:38:21Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Heavy Weapons Guy
|image=BULLET.JPG
|sex=Male
|nationality=Russian
|occupation=Heavy weapons guy (OHMIGAWD, NO WAI!!)
|cast=[[Demoman|Gary Schwartz]]
}}

'''Heavy Weapons Guy''', or '''Heavy''' for short, is a [[fat]], bald, <s>bastard</s> maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when somebody touches his [[gun]]/lover/masturbatory aid, Sasha. He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.

Not to be confused with [[Doom|heavy weapons dude]].

==Arsenal==
[[Image:Heavy-om.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sandviches]] are especially important to Heavy. [[Maybe|Maybe even more so than Sasha...]]]]
===Basic===
*'''Sasha''': His trademark [[Gun|Minigun]] he once used to keep thousands from getting over the [[Communists|Berlin Wall]]. Approach with caution.
*'''Shotgun''': His other gun. Used on weekends for hunting quail with the [[Medic]]. Used on weekdays for hunting [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|''leetle babeh men.'']]
*'''Fists''': Used for [[Falcon Punch|punching]] the tiny faces of his foes in. The latest Cyborg technology has given him the ability to fire lethal bullets from his fingers.

===Update===
*'''Natascha''': Though not as powerful as Sasha, it slows down his opponents, which could make them easier kills. Provides additional ammo to last longer. Replaces ''Sasha.''
*'''[[Sandvich]]:''' The delicious deli product with a Slavic accent! Used for healing himself and [[Pizza Party|general dickery in matches]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB)''': Not to be mistaken for the Soviet Secret Service's initials, these gloves give the Heavy's ''Fists'' an extra "kick".
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Bread Bite''': OH GOD HIS HANDS ARE ALIVE! A loaf of bread mutated by teleportation torn in half and used as toothed boxing gloves. Functions identically to the ''Gloves of Running Urgently'' and replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Fists''.

===Community===
*'''Dalokohs Bar''': A chocolate bar that increases the Heavy's max health...I'll just stick with the Sandvich.
*'''Gloves of Running Urgently (GRU)''': When wearing these special boxing gloves, the Heavy runs faster (ironic I know) but does less damage and he is marked for death. Also known as the GRU and are NOT to be confused with the Russian international military intelligence directorate of the same initials.
*'''Brass Beast''': The Heavy becomes a walking sentry with this. It might make him move slow but the bullets deal more damage.
*'''Buffalo Steak Sandvich''': Who needs bread, or a gun? Real men eat steak and fight with their hands! Plus getting badly hurt themselves if they get hit.
*'''Warrior's Spirit''': He'll kill you with bear hands! Get it? BEAR hands!...of course these were cut off the actual animal.
*'''Fists of Steel''': Taking a Heavy Weapons Guy quote literally, these steel fists make the Heavy stronger against projectile attacks and weaker against melee combat. No matter what's thrown at him, he lives longer.
*'''Tomislav''': It's awfully quiet in her--*BADDA-BADDA-BADDA*. Don't end up the unlucky victim of this silent spinning ''minigun'' modified and on loan from the Mafia.
*'''Family Business''': A ''shotgun'' with an expanded magazine of ammo for the Gangster kind of Heavy.
*'''Eviction Notice''': When you're wearing sharp knuckledusters, you get that confidence to swing your fists faster into the faces of jerkasses.
*'''Holiday Punch''': Feeling jolly? Make your enemies burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter as you punch 'em from behind with these gloves while the rest of the team (or you with your minigun) does the honours. What a humiliating way to die.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===[[Promotion]]===
*'''Iron Curtain''': Canonically the Heavy's first Minigun from his earlier days of Berlin Wall defence, before he used Sasha. Forget approaching with caution and find another way around him. Replaces ''Sasha''.
*'''Fishcake''': A...fishcake...wrapped...functions the same as the Dalokohs Bar...Move along. Should I also mention that the fish ingredient is artificial? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Apoco-Fists''': Said to have been worn by Mikhail Gorbachev himself, these diamond-studded boxing gloves can shatter bone and break enemies into bloody chunks. Bet you wish your boxing gloves could be that manly. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Fists'' and gives them something to hold at the same time.
*'''Huo Long Heater''': I fell into a burning ring of fire, then got riddled with holes thanks to this new dragon-themed ''Minigun''!
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Ham Shank''': Don't run! It's just ham! No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Fists''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Gives the ''Fists'' something to hold to FINALLY use as a proper melee weapon (But [[Saxton Hale]] won't agree for sure) and NOT some random food item!
*'''Robo-Sandvich''': A mechanical ''Sandvich'' bursting with delicious metal! Not recommended for organic beings. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Fists''.

Special Note: When the Heavy wields the Brass Beast, the Buffalo Steak Sandvich and the Warrior's Spirit together, crits don't hurt as much. Never fear the crit rocket again!

==Relationships==
[[Image:Bullet_(Chrono_Phantasma,_Character_Select_Artwork).png|thumb|right|Heavy's new girlfriend.]]
Heavy is in mad love with his weapons, especially Sasha, though he occasionally cheats on her by switching to Natascha for dealing with those pesky [[Scout]]s.
He is best buddies of the [[Medic]], though many believe their friendship goes beyond that.
His worst enemy is the [[Scout]] who always tries to steal his sandwiches for himself, the pig!

Also, he recently be[[came]] best Soviet friends with [[Zangief]] and [[Soda Popinski]].

Around August 2012 he met some chick on Craigslist. When he learned her name was Bullet, the rest was history.

==Quotes==
{{vid|jHgZh4GV9G0}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am Heavy Weapons Guy...and ''this''...is my weapon."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Some people think they can outsmart me... [[maybe]]... *sniff* maybe.... I have yet to meet one that can outsmart BULLET."}}[[Image:Heavyweaponsguy 003 0001.jpg|thumb|right|WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!]]
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! [[yes|CRY SOME MORE!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIC"!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"It costs 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon...for 12 seconds."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIIIIC!!!!!!"}}
[[Image:Tf2happyheavy.jpg|thumb|right|The Heavy Weapons Guy laughs at the [[Vince Offer|Scout's]] pitiful attempt at advertising.]]{{poopquote|Heavy|DOCTAR}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I LOVE THIS DOCTAR!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I live!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Run cowards!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OM! NOM! NOM! OM! NOM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"YATATATATATATATATATDODODODUDUDADADADA!!!! KABOOM! KABOOM"!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I HEAR SOMEONE BUILDING DIAPER CHANGING STATION!"}}
{{vid|eya3BAt2x-Y}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ENTIRE TEAM IS BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ALL OF YOU ARE BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT WAS THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL? GOOD IDEA! AHAHAHAHAHA!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] [[M. Bison|is]] [[delicious]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout|SCOUT]], [[I]]'m Really Happy [[4|For]] [[You]], And I'mma Let You Finish, But [[Medic|MEDIC]] Has One Of The Best VIDEOOOOOOOOOs Of All Time!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM JETPACK!! BZZZZ!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"GUN!!!!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, THIS IS [[Bad|BAD]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, NO! HELP!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Heh... cry some more."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] is [[money]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HOHHOHOHOHAW, That's big [[Pickle Surprise|surprise!"]]}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am credit card! CHARGE ME!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Waaaaaaahhh!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"THESE CARDS ARE WEAK LIKE BLU BABY TEAM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM VERY HAPPY! Hahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I can call [[You|your]] bet AND buy [[Sandvich|Sandvich]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Strong Bad|Strong and Bad]], you wrestle? With mask?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"My favorites are The Dirty Dozen and the first 20 minutes of Rocky IV."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Da this is good for you. I suggest Force-A-Nature."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I AM NOT MOONLIGHTER!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Dead doctors everywhere. Spy cannot be found."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are Heavy. Tiny no? You are RED Team. You have Killing Gloves of Boxing. You earn these for being great killer."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I will make hat from you little bunny."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Best strategy when fighting Heavy Weapons Guy, is not to fight Heavy Weapons Guy."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are like dumb! Dumb like Engineer trying to kill man with wrench! You must fight with weapons!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I WILL NOT LOSE TO LUCKY COWARD! I KILL YOU!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Vinning vinning vinning is almost as fun as killing!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I cannot squash a man with GARBAGE!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHERE ARE YOU SPY!? I KNOW YOU SABOTAGE CARDS! I NEVER GET GOOD HAND!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM BULLETPROOF!!!!!!"}}

==Trivia==
*He has the same voice actor as the [[Demoman]].
*It is rumoured that he may be having an affair with Natascha.
*It is also rumored that he may be in a [[No|relationship]] with the [[Soldier]].
*It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
*Robbed a McDonalds once for their McGriddles.
*Sasha was also raped by the [[Scout]] when he took her out for a steak dinner.
*Has a [[Medic]] fetish.[[Image:Hwgfn5.png|thumb|Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a [[Ken Masters|circus.]]]]
*Has yet to meet one who can outsmart [[shit|bullshit]].
*Was once killed by [[Gordon Freeman]].
*Works part-time at a deli to help pay the rent/steal sandwiches.
{{VidCaption|XSZA1wyCVYw|Heavy invades Starfox.}}
{{VidCaption|EeQnnEqexkA|Heavy invades Outset island.}}
*Whenever he becomes pissed off about someone saying something negative about [[Sandvich]] (Mostly [[Scout]]), he has a magic (hacking) ability to make a few Sandviches turn into a Sandvich Gun!!! It allows him to fire random Sandviches from his Sandvich Gun, and when he's satisfied, he actually eats his Sandvich Gun!
*His bullets are smarter than him.
*He is one of the few people to obtain a [[Promotion]].
*Is interested in [[America]]n culture, which is why he owns an [[American Football]] helmet, and occasionally wears a [[Donald Duck|duck]]'s [[arse]] haircut along with some [[Elvis]]-esque sunglasses.
*Once served in the Red Army, which is where he obtained his ushanka.
*Being [[Falcon Punch|punched]] by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: [[Pyro|an Axe]], [[Soldier|a Shovel]], [[Demoman|a Bottle (broken or not)]], [[Medic|A Bonesaw]], [[Engineer|a Wrench]], [[Sniper|a Kukri]], and a [[Falcon Punch]].
*It is believed that Heavy actually scared [[retard|someone]] with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
*Was once shocked to see the [[Scout]] be[[cum|come]] a [[Dry Bones|Boo]], who proceeded to chase him afterwards.
*Despite his lack of intelligence, he has limited reality-warping powers. By simply saying something such as "'''Character''' is '''item'''", whatever he said will come true. All we have to do is hope he doesn't say, "''[[No|Heavy is naked]]!''"
*Also despite his intelligence, he has a degree in Russian [[:Category:Book Characters|Literature]].
*One time, he ended up being a guinea pig like [[Soda Popinski]] for Russian scientists. However, unlike [[Soda Popinski]], he was given special strength increasing [[sandvich]]es, which [[no]]t only gave him [[Superman|super strength]], but also made him radiate in a purple color.
**Also, he once fought [[Little Mac]] due to the fact that he was pretending to be [[Soda Popinski]]. He surprisingly ended up winning that fight.
*One time, he ruined [[Scout]]'s acceptance speech for whatever the thing it was that he won just to say that the [[Medic]] has one of the best videos of all time. The incident can be seen near the top of the end of the quotes part of this article.
**However, [[I]] will say that the [[Demoman]] called him a bloody jack[[ass]] afterwards.
*He was once hypnotized by [[Pickle Surprise]] to say "ham".
*Enjoys playing poker with [[Sam & Max|Max]], Tycho, and [[Strong Bad]].
*Take a wild guess who he's gonna main in Blazblue: Chronophantasma.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Sandvich]]
*[[Soda Popinski]]
*[[Zangief]]

==Links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqIRX4aXTP8 First Heavy Weapons Guy poop ever.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VPYQm1o5BY Heavy Weapons Guy and his trademark laugh.]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Russian]]
[[Category:Communists]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:Asians]]

Demoman

2014-11-03T20:37:03Z

Yueenode: /* Update */

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Tide Turner''': A broken ship's steering wheel used to steer your shield charge. Also replenishes the charge meter on a successful kill. Full speed ahead, laddies! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most people would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Demoman is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE [[Fuck|FECKIN']] [[PENIS|SEA MONSTERS]] IN THE GREAT LOCKED NESS THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Pyro

2014-11-03T20:36:25Z

Yueenode: /* Updates */

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% mini-crit (from the front) and crit (from behind) damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Axe''.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?
*'''Nostromo Napalmer''': From a distant corner of the galaxy in a lonely spaceship comes this xenomorph-busting flamethrower. When worn with the MK 50 helmet, does extra damage against alien [[Scout|Scouts]] but their melee does extra damage too, so watch yourself. The creature from the planet Bonk is persistent.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Soldier

2014-11-03T20:35:35Z

Yueenode: /* Update */

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Air Strike''': As its name suggests, this ''Rocket Launcher'' is most effective while airborne. Rockets shoot faster while in the air and each kill increases the ammo clip by one. Also known as the Soldier's best Macross impression.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Soldier is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*"Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"I did not have permission to die!"
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."
*"I do not see enough pushing!"
*"Push you apple-blossoms!"
*"You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"
*"SEE!!"
*"I TELEPORTED BREAD!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Scout

2014-11-03T20:34:53Z

Yueenode: /* Update */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Mutated Milk''': Contains a mutated bread monster. Serving suggestion: Throw at an enemy and watch the bread bite their face off. Functions identically to the ''Mad Milk'' and replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Back Scatter''': Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Isolationist Pack''': Not exactly a weapon, but a set of cosmetics that turn the Scout into a xenomorph that does extra melee damage to [[Pyro|Pyros]] wearing the MK 50 helmet and wielding the Nostromo Napalmer flamethrower, but takes more flamethrower damage from them. It's hunt or be hunted in the lonely corridors of...2Fort.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Demoman

2014-11-03T20:34:07Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-splattering, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bat''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Tide Turner''': A broken ship's steering wheel used to steer your shield charge. Also replenishes the charge meter on a successful kill. Full speed ahead, laddies! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most people would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Demoman is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE [[Fuck|FECKIN']] [[PENIS|SEA MONSTERS]] IN THE GREAT LOCKED NESS THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Pyro

2014-11-03T20:33:16Z

Yueenode: /* Updates */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% mini-crit (from the front) and crit (from behind) damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-spraying, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Axe''.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?
*'''Nostromo Napalmer''': From a distant corner of the galaxy in a lonely spaceship comes this xenomorph-busting flamethrower. When worn with the MK 50 helmet, does extra damage against alien [[Scout|Scouts]] but their melee does extra damage too, so watch yourself. The creature from the planet Bonk is persistent.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Soldier

2014-11-03T20:32:30Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-spraying, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Air Strike''': As its name suggests, this ''Rocket Launcher'' is most effective while airborne. Rockets shoot faster while in the air and each kill increases the ammo clip by one. Also known as the Soldier's best Macross impression.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Soldier is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*"Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"I did not have permission to die!"
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."
*"I do not see enough pushing!"
*"Push you apple-blossoms!"
*"You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"
*"SEE!!"
*"I TELEPORTED BREAD!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Scout

2014-11-03T20:31:12Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Necro Smasher

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Mutated Milk''': Contains a mutated bread monster. Serving suggestion: Throw at an enemy and watch the bread bite their face off. Functions identically to the ''Mad Milk'' and replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Necro Smasher''': A miniature replica of the hammer used in the World's Largest Strongman Machine. Not only the classic tool for testing your strength, but also a great blood-spraying, bone-breaking bludgeon! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Back Scatter''': Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Isolationist Pack''': Not exactly a weapon, but a set of cosmetics that turn the Scout into a xenomorph that does extra melee damage to [[Pyro|Pyros]] wearing the MK 50 helmet and wielding the Nostromo Napalmer flamethrower, but takes more flamethrower damage from them. It's hunt or be hunted in the lonely corridors of...2Fort.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Scout

2014-09-19T17:30:48Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */ Added the Isolationist Pack as the first case of cosmetic weaponry.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Mutated Milk''': Contains a mutated bread monster. Serving suggestion: Throw at an enemy and watch the bread bite their face off. Functions identically to the ''Mad Milk'' and replaces the ''Pistol''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Back Scatter''': Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Isolationist Pack''': Not exactly a weapon, but a set of cosmetics that turn the Scout into a xenomorph that does extra melee damage to [[Pyro|Pyros]] wearing the MK 50 helmet and wielding the Nostromo Napalmer flamethrower, but takes more flamethrower damage from them. It's hunt or be hunted in the lonely corridors of...2Fort.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Pyro

2014-09-19T17:21:08Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% mini-crit (from the front) and crit (from behind) damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?
*'''Nostromo Napalmer''': From a distant corner of the galaxy in a lonely spaceship comes this xenomorph-busting flamethrower. When worn with the MK 50 helmet, does extra damage against alien [[Scout|Scouts]] but their melee does extra damage too, so watch yourself. The creature from the planet Bonk is persistent.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Pyro

2014-09-19T17:19:35Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */ Added the Nostromo Napalmer.

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% mini-crit (from the front) and crit (from behind) damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?
*'''Nostromo Napalmer''': From a distant corner of the galaxy in a lonely spaceship comes this xenomorph-busting flamethrower. Does extra damage against alien [[Scout|Scouts]] but their melee does extra damage too, so watch yourself. The creature from the planet Bonk is persistent.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Spy

2014-06-21T16:01:42Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Snack Attack.

{{CharBox
|name=Spy
|image=Tf2_spy.jpg‎
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=36
|occupation=Spy/Agent
|cast=Dennis Bateman
|nationality=French
}}{{Char}}

==Overview==
The Spy is one of the nine classes featured in the Valve game, [[Team Fortress 2]]. Some of his weapons include a knife, revolver, sapper (SPYS SAPPIN MAH SENTRY), and cigarettes used to disguise as the opposite team's classes... before the [[Pyro]] flames his ass.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Revolver''': A slow-firing, but rather powerful and accurate version of the usual pistol. Doubles for a dildo.
*'''Sapper''': This device can attach to and slowly destroy an [[Engineer]]'s buildings and can also be used as a Defibrillator if necessary.
*'''Knife''': A butterfly knife bought at the [[Morshu|dollar store]], the preferred weapon of Spies.
*'''Disguise Kit''': Allows the Spy to transform into his enemies, and successfully pull off identity theft.
*'''Cloaking Device''': A convenient device in the form of a watch that temporarily cloaks you, great for sneaking past opponents and for the "Glance and Go" pervert. Unfortunately does not tell time.

===Update===
*'''The Ambassador''': A diplomat from France in the form of a revolver sent to aid the Spy in blowing people's heads off. Crits on accurate headshot, But fires slower and does less damage. Replaces the usual ''Revolver''.
*'''The "Cloak and Dagger"''': A ''Cloaking Device'' replacement that allows you to remain invisible for as long as you want, so long as you stay still. Perfect for waiting for an opportunity and the "Locker Room" pervert. Does not tell time.
*'''The "Dead Ringer"''': When you're shot, you leave behind a fake corpse while going invisible. Replaces the ''Cloaking Device'', great brass pocketwatch finish! Used to tell time, but it broke.
*'''Wanga Prick''': A rather large voodoo-pin with the haunted ability to instantly steal the identity of whoever it kills! Yeah, works just like the Eternal Reward. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Snack Attack''': A tamed mutated bread monster that does what the ''Sapper'' does: Eat machinery. Need some more iron in your diet? This bread monster thinks so!

===Community===
*'''L'Etranger''': A stylish revolver that extends the cloaking meter and regenerates it on every hit. Damn. He's gone faster than--*backstab*. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Your Eternal Reward''': Despite sacrificing the ability to disguise, this stylish knife kills silently and disguises the Spy as his victim. The hard part is trying to avoid being seen after uncloaking. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Conniver's Kunai''': Fandom rejoice as the fabled ninja weapon comes to the game! Though it heals the Spy through backstabs, he has less health to begin with. Use with caution. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Enforcer''': Deals extra damage for putting down anyone who catches you, especially those highly alert Pyros...so long as you can extinguish yourself easily afterwards. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Big Earner''': Gives cloak charge on a backstab, for efficient returning to the shadows. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Diamondback''': Not to be mistaken for a breed of snake, this ''Revolver'' gains crits for every backstab and every building the Spy saps...oh hang on, Spah sappin' mah--! *shot with critical hit*
*'''Spy-cicle''': An icicle. Don't laugh yet. It might not look like much, but its backstab turns victims into ice. Also, if lit on fire, it provides protection against fire for 2 seconds, at the cost that the icicle melts and temporarily disarms him. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Promotion===
*'''Big Kill''': Functions the same as the Revolver, but is just a different skin. Nothing special.
*'''Enthusiast's Timepiece''': A Pac-man themed watch that you must murder the owner to obtain. It serves the same purpose of sneaking and "Glance And Go" but is built for the hardcore gamer in all of us. Does tell time, but not when in use by the Spy.
*'''Sharp Dresser''': A cleverly hidden knife in the sleeve. The preferred weapon of Spies of surprise.
*'''Black Rose''': The standard knife with rose patterns on the blade. For the lethal lover in every Spy...so many re-skins. Good God.
*'''Red-Tape Recorder''': Chinese ingenuity brings you a one-of-a-kind construction-reversing tape recorder for easy storage and transport of your buildings! (Not really. You just lost your sentry and it's free ammo for the Spy who put that recorder on it).
*'''Quäckenbirdt''': A German-developed watch with a picture of a duck on it. Go ahead and laugh if you must, but once he sneaks past you and backstabs you with it, you'll never want to go to the park ever again. We're not sure if it tells time or not.
*'''Ap-Sap''': A sentient AI Sapper developed by Aperture Science for the purpose of hacking into and destroying machinery. Provides countless hours of completely inconspicuous chit-chat to entertain you as you break contraptions and piss off Engineers.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Functions just like the ''Knife'', but a blunt golden hat-shaped end? Kills instantly? From behind? Mind = Blown.

Special Note: When the Spy wields L'Etranger and the Eternal Reward plus a hat called the "Familiar Fez" together, special particle effects appear when taunting.

==Quotes==
{{vid|LN4cRDEYalw}}
{{Vid|SnSzV_JdSz4}}
{{Vid|aSSsqoqrzZ4}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Gentlemen".}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"That would be your mother."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I am ze Spy."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And worst of all, he could be any one of us."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Ah, mon petit chou-fleur."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to visit your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I never really was on your side..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Cheers."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to rape your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?" *Laughs*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"[[You]] are such a virgin."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And I murdered [[Engineer|your]] toys, too!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be..." *Shot*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I have been shown, who is the boss!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, this was a disappointment..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Leave me hanging and you will regret it."}}
[[Image:Eg9860.gif|frame|right|The Spy always [[die]]s, [[you]] k[[no]]w.]]

==Trivia==
*Him and the blue [[Engineer]] are [[Gay|the best of lovers.]]
*Loves to sneak up behind unsuspecting [[Sniper|snipers]].
*Likes [[Engineer|SAPPIN' SENTRIES.]]
*Also likes corn.
*Was once an [[Africans|African.]]
*The RED Spy is the BLU [[Scout|Scout's]] father, as well as the genetic father of various others.
*Frequently produces [[pornography]] with your mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*Also stars in [[pornography]] with the [[Scout]]'s mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*He never really was on your side.
*He has sex with the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]] numerous times.
*Is especially cruel to everyone.
*Knows Scout's embarrassing secret: he cries upon seeing rainbows.
*Also knows a secret about [[Slippy Toad]] that could cost him his job if it got out.
*Not related to the two colour spies (White Spy and Black Spy) from Spy Vs. Spy, it was his favourite comic and game though.
*One of his ancestors was Napoleon.
*The BLU Spy's head currently resides inside of the [[Medic]]'s refrigerator, where he chain smokes all day, and begs for the Medic to kill him.
*He fluently speaks [[Spanish]] and [[Italian]].
*Interestingly, he knows how to build a [[Engineer|dispenser]].
*And now he's here to fuck us! OH SHI-

{{DEFAULTSORT:Spy}}
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Spies]]
[[Category:Dicks]]

Sniper

2014-06-21T15:56:51Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Self-Aware Beauty Mark.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Classic''': Going retro with a TFC-themed ''Sniper Rifle'', this can charge and headshot regardless of zoom. Sounds cheap and rage-worthy, but headshots can only be allowed on a full charge. Patience makes the rage (How oxymoronic).
*'''Self-Aware Beauty Mark''': Borrowed from the Medic's lab. Warning: This jar contains deadly face-eating mutated bread. On the upside, it's great for throwing at your enemies though. Functions identically to the ''Jarate'' and replaces the ''SMG''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers reload-activated focus (at maximum, faster charging and no unscoping) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman''. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Sniper

2014-06-21T15:48:43Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Classic.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Classic''': Going retro with a TFC-themed ''Sniper Rifle'', this can charge and headshot regardless of zoom. Sounds cheap and rage-worthy, but headshots can only be allowed on a full charge. Patience makes the rage (How oxymoronic).

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers reload-activated focus (at maximum, faster charging and no unscoping) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman''. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Sniper

2014-06-21T15:42:14Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Updated the Hitman's Heatmaker to reflect the Love & War Update.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers reload-activated focus (at maximum, faster charging and no unscoping) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman''. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Heavy Weapons Guy

2014-06-21T15:34:26Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Bread Bite.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Heavy Weapons Guy
|image=BULLET.JPG
|sex=Male
|nationality=Russian
|occupation=Heavy weapons guy (OHMIGAWD, NO WAI!!)
|cast=[[Demoman|Gary Schwartz]]
}}

'''Heavy Weapons Guy''', or '''Heavy''' for short, is a [[fat]], bald, <s>bastard</s> maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when somebody touches his [[gun]]/lover/masturbatory aid, Sasha. He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.

Not to be confused with [[Doom|heavy weapons dude]].

==Arsenal==
[[Image:Heavy-om.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sandviches]] are especially important to Heavy. [[Maybe|Maybe even more so than Sasha...]]]]
===Basic===
*'''Sasha''': His trademark [[Gun|Minigun]] he once used to keep thousands from getting over the [[Communists|Berlin Wall]]. Approach with caution.
*'''Shotgun''': His other gun. Used on weekends for hunting quail with the [[Medic]]. Used on weekdays for hunting [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|''leetle babeh men.'']]
*'''Fists''': Used for [[Falcon Punch|punching]] the tiny faces of his foes in. The latest Cyborg technology has given him the ability to fire lethal bullets from his fingers.

===Update===
*'''Natascha''': Though not as powerful as Sasha, it slows down his opponents, which could make them easier kills. Provides additional ammo to last longer. Replaces ''Sasha.''
*'''[[Sandvich]]:''' The delicious deli product with a Slavic accent! Used for healing himself and [[Pizza Party|general dickery in matches]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB)''': Not to be mistaken for the Soviet Secret Service's initials, these gloves give the Heavy's ''Fists'' an extra "kick".
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Bread Bite''': OH GOD HIS HANDS ARE ALIVE! A loaf of bread mutated by teleportation torn in half and used as toothed boxing gloves. Functions identically to the ''Gloves of Running Urgently'' and replaces the ''Fists''.

===Community===
*'''Dalokohs Bar''': A chocolate bar that increases the Heavy's max health...I'll just stick with the Sandvich.
*'''Gloves of Running Urgently (GRU)''': When wearing these special boxing gloves, the Heavy runs faster (ironic I know) but does less damage and he is marked for death. Also known as the GRU and are NOT to be confused with the Russian international military intelligence directorate of the same initials.
*'''Brass Beast''': The Heavy becomes a walking sentry with this. It might make him move slow but the bullets deal more damage.
*'''Buffalo Steak Sandvich''': Who needs bread, or a gun? Real men eat steak and fight with their hands! Plus getting badly hurt themselves if they get hit.
*'''Warrior's Spirit''': He'll kill you with bear hands! Get it? BEAR hands!...of course these were cut off the actual animal.
*'''Fists of Steel''': Taking a Heavy Weapons Guy quote literally, these steel fists make the Heavy stronger against projectile attacks and weaker against melee combat. No matter what's thrown at him, he lives longer.
*'''Tomislav''': It's awfully quiet in her--*BADDA-BADDA-BADDA*. Don't end up the unlucky victim of this silent spinning ''minigun'' modified and on loan from the Mafia.
*'''Family Business''': A ''shotgun'' with an expanded magazine of ammo for the Gangster kind of Heavy.
*'''Eviction Notice''': When you're wearing sharp knuckledusters, you get that confidence to swing your fists faster into the faces of jerkasses.
*'''Holiday Punch''': Feeling jolly? Make your enemies burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter as you punch 'em from behind with these gloves while the rest of the team (or you with your minigun) does the honours. What a humiliating way to die.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===[[Promotion]]===
*'''Iron Curtain''': Canonically the Heavy's first Minigun from his earlier days of Berlin Wall defence, before he used Sasha. Forget approaching with caution and find another way around him. Replaces ''Sasha''.
*'''Fishcake''': A...fishcake...wrapped...functions the same as the Dalokohs Bar...Move along. Should I also mention that the fish ingredient is artificial? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Apoco-Fists''': Said to have been worn by Mikhail Gorbachev himself, these diamond-studded boxing gloves can shatter bone and break enemies into bloody chunks. Bet you wish your boxing gloves could be that manly. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Fists'' and gives them something to hold at the same time.
*'''Huo Long Heater''': I fell into a burning ring of fire, then got riddled with holes thanks to this new dragon-themed ''Minigun''!
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Ham Shank''': Don't run! It's just ham! No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Fists''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Gives the ''Fists'' something to hold to FINALLY use as a proper melee weapon (But [[Saxton Hale]] won't agree for sure) and NOT some random food item!
*'''Robo-Sandvich''': A mechanical ''Sandvich'' bursting with delicious metal! Not recommended for organic beings. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Fists''.

Special Note: When the Heavy wields the Brass Beast, the Buffalo Steak Sandvich and the Warrior's Spirit together, crits don't hurt as much. Never fear the crit rocket again!

==Relationships==
[[Image:Bullet_(Chrono_Phantasma,_Character_Select_Artwork).png|thumb|right|Heavy's new girlfriend.]]
Heavy is in mad love with his weapons, especially Sasha, though he occasionally cheats on her by switching to Natascha for dealing with those pesky [[Scout]]s.
He is best buddies of the [[Medic]], though many believe their friendship goes beyond that.
His worst enemy is the [[Scout]] who always tries to steal his sandwiches for himself, the pig!

Also, he recently be[[came]] best Soviet friends with [[Zangief]] and [[Soda Popinski]].

Around August 2012 he met some chick on Craigslist. When he learned her name was Bullet, the rest was history.

==Quotes==
{{vid|jHgZh4GV9G0}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am Heavy Weapons Guy...and ''this''...is my weapon."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Some people think they can outsmart me... [[maybe]]... *sniff* maybe.... I have yet to meet one that can outsmart BULLET."}}[[Image:Heavyweaponsguy 003 0001.jpg|thumb|right|WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!]]
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! [[yes|CRY SOME MORE!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIC"!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"It costs 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon...for 12 seconds."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIIIIC!!!!!!"}}
[[Image:Tf2happyheavy.jpg|thumb|right|The Heavy Weapons Guy laughs at the [[Vince Offer|Scout's]] pitiful attempt at advertising.]]{{poopquote|Heavy|DOCTAR}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I LOVE THIS DOCTAR!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I live!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Run cowards!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OM! NOM! NOM! OM! NOM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"YATATATATATATATATATDODODODUDUDADADADA!!!! KABOOM! KABOOM"!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I HEAR SOMEONE BUILDING DIAPER CHANGING STATION!"}}
{{vid|eya3BAt2x-Y}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ENTIRE TEAM IS BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ALL OF YOU ARE BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT WAS THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL? GOOD IDEA! AHAHAHAHAHA!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] [[M. Bison|is]] [[delicious]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout|SCOUT]], [[I]]'m Really Happy [[4|For]] [[You]], And I'mma Let You Finish, But [[Medic|MEDIC]] Has One Of The Best VIDEOOOOOOOOOs Of All Time!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM JETPACK!! BZZZZ!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"GUN!!!!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, THIS IS [[Bad|BAD]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, NO! HELP!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Heh... cry some more."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] is [[money]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HOHHOHOHOHAW, That's big [[Pickle Surprise|surprise!"]]}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am credit card! CHARGE ME!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Waaaaaaahhh!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"THESE CARDS ARE WEAK LIKE BLU BABY TEAM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM VERY HAPPY! Hahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I can call [[You|your]] bet AND buy [[Sandvich|Sandvich]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Strong Bad|Strong and Bad]], you wrestle? With mask?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"My favorites are The Dirty Dozen and the first 20 minutes of Rocky IV."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Da this is good for you. I suggest Force-A-Nature."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I AM NOT MOONLIGHTER!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Dead doctors everywhere. Spy cannot be found."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are Heavy. Tiny no? You are RED Team. You have Killing Gloves of Boxing. You earn these for being great killer."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I will make hat from you little bunny."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Best strategy when fighting Heavy Weapons Guy, is not to fight Heavy Weapons Guy."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are like dumb! Dumb like Engineer trying to kill man with wrench! You must fight with weapons!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I WILL NOT LOSE TO LUCKY COWARD! I KILL YOU!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Vinning vinning vinning is almost as fun as killing!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I cannot squash a man with GARBAGE!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHERE ARE YOU SPY!? I KNOW YOU SABOTAGE CARDS! I NEVER GET GOOD HAND!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM BULLETPROOF!!!!!!"}}

==Trivia==
*He has the same voice actor as the [[Demoman]].
*It is rumoured that he may be having an affair with Natascha.
*It is also rumored that he may be in a [[No|relationship]] with the [[Soldier]].
*It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
*Robbed a McDonalds once for their McGriddles.
*Sasha was also raped by the [[Scout]] when he took her out for a steak dinner.
*Has a [[Medic]] fetish.[[Image:Hwgfn5.png|thumb|Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a [[Ken Masters|circus.]]]]
*Has yet to meet one who can outsmart [[shit|bullshit]].
*Was once killed by [[Gordon Freeman]].
*Works part-time at a deli to help pay the rent/steal sandwiches.
{{VidCaption|XSZA1wyCVYw|Heavy invades Starfox.}}
{{VidCaption|EeQnnEqexkA|Heavy invades Outset island.}}
*Whenever he becomes pissed off about someone saying something negative about [[Sandvich]] (Mostly [[Scout]]), he has a magic (hacking) ability to make a few Sandviches turn into a Sandvich Gun!!! It allows him to fire random Sandviches from his Sandvich Gun, and when he's satisfied, he actually eats his Sandvich Gun!
*His bullets are smarter than him.
*He is one of the few people to obtain a [[Promotion]].
*Is interested in [[America]]n culture, which is why he owns an [[American Football]] helmet, and occasionally wears a [[Donald Duck|duck]]'s [[arse]] haircut along with some [[Elvis]]-esque sunglasses.
*Once served in the Red Army, which is where he obtained his ushanka.
*Being [[Falcon Punch|punched]] by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: [[Pyro|an Axe]], [[Soldier|a Shovel]], [[Demoman|a Bottle (broken or not)]], [[Medic|A Bonesaw]], [[Engineer|a Wrench]], [[Sniper|a Kukri]], and a [[Falcon Punch]].
*It is believed that Heavy actually scared [[retard|someone]] with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
*Was once shocked to see the [[Scout]] be[[cum|come]] a [[Dry Bones|Boo]], who proceeded to chase him afterwards.
*Despite his lack of intelligence, he has limited reality-warping powers. By simply saying something such as "'''Character''' is '''item'''", whatever he said will come true. All we have to do is hope he doesn't say, "''[[No|Heavy is naked]]!''"
*Also despite his intelligence, he has a degree in Russian [[:Category:Book Characters|Literature]].
*One time, he ended up being a guinea pig like [[Soda Popinski]] for Russian scientists. However, unlike [[Soda Popinski]], he was given special strength increasing [[sandvich]]es, which [[no]]t only gave him [[Superman|super strength]], but also made him radiate in a purple color.
**Also, he once fought [[Little Mac]] due to the fact that he was pretending to be [[Soda Popinski]]. He surprisingly ended up winning that fight.
*One time, he ruined [[Scout]]'s acceptance speech for whatever the thing it was that he won just to say that the [[Medic]] has one of the best videos of all time. The incident can be seen near the top of the end of the quotes part of this article.
**However, [[I]] will say that the [[Demoman]] called him a bloody jack[[ass]] afterwards.
*He was once hypnotized by [[Pickle Surprise]] to say "ham".
*Enjoys playing poker with [[Sam & Max|Max]], Tycho, and [[Strong Bad]].
*Take a wild guess who he's gonna main in Blazblue: Chronophantasma.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Sandvich]]
*[[Soda Popinski]]
*[[Zangief]]

==Links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqIRX4aXTP8 First Heavy Weapons Guy poop ever.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VPYQm1o5BY Heavy Weapons Guy and his trademark laugh.]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Russian]]
[[Category:Communists]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:Asians]]

Demoman

2014-06-21T15:18:55Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Added the Tide Turner and B.A.SE. Jumper.

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Tide Turner''': A broken ship's steering wheel used to steer your shield charge. Also replenishes the charge meter on a successful kill. Full speed ahead, laddies! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most people would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Demoman is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Pyro

2014-06-21T15:13:12Z

Yueenode: /* Updates */ Updated the Axtinguisher to reflect the Love & War Update. I guess the nerf was coming with all the butthurt.

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% mini-crit (from the front) and crit (from behind) damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Scout

2014-06-21T15:10:21Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added the Mutated Milk.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Mutated Milk''': Contains a mutated bread monster. Serving suggestion: Throw at an enemy and watch the bread bite their face off. Functions identically to the ''Mad Milk'' and replaces the ''Pistol''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Back Scatter''': Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Soldier

2014-06-21T15:04:04Z

Yueenode: Added the Air Strike and the B.A.S.E. Jumper.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Air Strike''': As its name suggests, this ''Rocket Launcher'' is most effective while airborne. Rockets shoot faster while in the air and each kill increases the ammo clip by one. Also known as the Soldier's best Macross impression.
*'''B.A.S.E. Jumper''': While most would use this parachute pack for a safe descent, the Soldier is content to use it to rain hell from above. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*"Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"I did not have permission to die!"
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."
*"I do not see enough pushing!"
*"Push you apple-blossoms!"
*"You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"
*"SEE!!"
*"I TELEPORTED BREAD!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Scout

2014-06-21T14:53:20Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Added the Back Scatter and updated the Holy Mackerel description.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with two purposes: Referencing Monty Python like there's no tomorrow and performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Back Scatter''': Mini-crits from behind. The perfect assblaster for ambush Scouts. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Engineer

2014-06-11T21:32:27Z

Yueenode: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Delmond "Dell" Conagher
|image=engyhead.png
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Engineer
|nationality=American
|cast=[[Wolf O'Donnell|Grant Goodeve]]}}
[[Image:20122.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer warning [[you]] about his heavy caliber sentry.]]
[[Image:MeetTheEngineer03.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer solving his practical problems.]]
{{Vid|i68cEsALWt0}}
[[Image:Engyequation.PNG|thumb|right|The Engineer's favourite equation.]]
[[Image:Vsdfsad.jpg|thumb|right|The red Engineer is being barraged by too many blue [[Spy|Spies.]]]]
The Engineer, or Engineer for short, is one of the people in [[Team Fortress 2]] that is straight. He went to the University of Texas with [[Dave Grohl]] to learn how to solve [[FEELINGS|practical problems]]. He can build gun, more gun, teleporters, dispensers, and destroy them. He also assisted in building [[Dave Grohl]]'s time machine. He may be able to stop Mama Luigi's reign of terror, but is too busy solving [[FEELINGS|practical problems]].

Cultural Heritage: Bee Cave, [[Texas]], [[USA]]

==[[Arse]]nal==
*'''Shotgun''': His pa's ol' huntin' weapon.
*'''Pistol''': His pa's ol' huntin...sidearm...
*'''Wrench''': <s>His pa's ol' huntin' wrench</s> This wrench is gifted with the ability to repair and upgrade machinery by simply whacking at them. Amazing! The same does not apply to humans, of course.
*'''PDA''': Allows him to prepare or destroy his buildings. [[No]], his pa never used it for hunting. The PDA allows the Engineer to set up...
**'''Sentry''': Can automatically pick off targets. Beware, for the presence of one will cause rageswitching to [[Spy]] in an effort to take out said sentry.
**'''Dispenser''': Automatically dispenses health, ammunition, metal, and [[Coca-Cola]] for those certain occasions.
**'''Teleporter''': Watch your teammates push and shove each other out of the way to save themselves 15 seconds of walking!
=====Update=====
*'''Frontier Justice''': Did your sentry just get overwhelmed and destroyed? Now instead of cowering back to your base like a little bitch you can fight back with this special ''Shotgun''! After the sentry blows this gun awards critical shots at the expense of a reduced ammo load.
*'''The Wrangler''': A modified Atari controller that allows you to manually aim and fire your sentry, as well as give it a shield that absorbs most of the damage! If you die while using it though, that shield will vanish in 1 second, so careful not to leave yourself open. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''The Gunslinger''': This special bionic arm gives you a slight health boost as well as allowing you to deploy '''Combat Mini-Sentries''' instead of regular sentries, which build faster and take less metal but cannot be repaired or upgraded. Oh yeah, you can also punch things! Replaces your ''Wrench'' as well as your ''Sentry'', as well as one of your hands, apparently.
*'''Pomson 6000''': Stay one step ahead of [[Spy|Spies]] and [[Medic]]s, draining their cloak and ubercharge with the energy particles from this Indivisible Particle Smasher! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Eureka Effect''': You can teleport back to your spawn or your teleporter exit with this ''Wrench''. Possible enemy's reaction? "WTF HAX!" But on the downside, buildings repair and upgrade slower, so watch where you're building. Replaces the ''Wrench''.

=====Community=====
*'''Southern Hospitality''': A newer-model ''Wrench'' which makes enemies [[Emo Luigi|bleed out]], but you're more vulnerable to [[Pyro|fire damage]].
*'''Jag''': Another model ''Wrench'' that's been hanging in Engineer's toolbox for a while. It speeds up construction so the defences go up faster, and that leaves more time to relax with a beer.
*'''Widowmaker''': A shotgun powered by metal that absorbs metal when dealing damage. Did that twist your tongue? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Short Circuit''': Did you just see your crit rocket suddenly disintegrate right in front of that sentry? Guess it was another unlucky victim of this handy dandy electrical field generator, designed specifically for zapping projectiles right out of the air! Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Rescue Ranger''': A modified shotgun useful for packing up your buildings at a distance or repairing them at range using the special bolts. Unfortunately picking up buildings this way marks you for death so you'd better be fast outta there before a Heavy mows you down in seconds. Also quite useful for multitasking. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Lugermorph''': The Engineer shares this pistol with the Scout. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol.
=====Event=====
*'''Golden Wrench''': One hundred players crafted this special gilded ''Wrench'' said to be made by King Midas/Sauron himself. Though they have no enhanced attacking capabilities they do grant the ability to turn their unlucky dead victims into solid gold statues as well as grant bragging rights to the hundred lucky bastards who got these.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Just like the ''Wrench'', it can repair and upgrade buildings. Even the buildings have something to feel good about too!

== Quotes ==
*Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.
*I solve practical problems.
*How am I gonna stop some big mean mother-[[Fucker|hubbard]] from tearing me a structurally superfluous new [[Arse|behind]]? The answer...is a [[gun]].
*If that don't work, ''use more gun''!
*And you best hope... not pointed at [[you]].
*SPY SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY!
*C'MERE, [[Pussy|SISSY]]!
*[[Gordon Freeman|Gordon Freemant]], what are you working on?
*Whait oh no where id isotop?
*[[Penis|ERECTIN' A DISPENSER]]
*Ya'll just got drafted into MY [[war]]!
*You can always tell a [[Texas|Texan]], but ya can't tell 'em much.
*I'm Wolverine-mean, you son-of-a-bitch!
*Sell your tonics elsewhere, miracle man.
*Aww, now you don't look like a happy camper.
*[[Sniper|Down under]]? More like [[Roy Koopa|six feet down under]].
*Erectin' a statue of a [[Retard|moron]]!
*Makin' [[bacon]].
*This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
*Sometimes, you just need a little less gun.
*Hurrr...
*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!
*GOTTAM GOTTAM GOTTAM
*GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR UP.

== Trivia ==
*Has odd tendencies to spout the conditions of his machines, even on break.
*Created a time paradox by preventing [[Kurt Cobain|Kurt Cobain's]] suicide. (NUH-UH [[No|COURTNEY KILLED HIM]])
[[Image:Engineer_child_photo.png|right]]
*Usually is paired with the [[Soldier]] in a series of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is a world-famous plastic surgeon. He once used a [[Robotnik|Super Sucking Vacuum Trap]] to enlarge a woman's [[Boobs|bust]].
*Has an IQ of 187.
*Has 11 [[Diploma Dope|Doctorates in Engineering and various Sciences]], all of which were originally his.
*Loves his toys, and of course hates when the [[Spy]] SAPS HIS SENTRY and murders his toys, in which a small tear falls from his eye.
*According to the [[Spy]], he is the real inventor of [[Slippy Toad]]'s inventions, and was hired by Slippy so that he could stay on the [[Fox McCloud|Star Fox]] team.
*His twin brother ''Jimm'' was a former "cow-orker" of [[Gordon Freeman]]t. On the job, Jimm survived a headcrab attack as well as a severe laceration to the head by claymore [[sword]] before finally being blown to "smitheroons" caused by radiation. All this happened within a minute.
*The voice actor for the Engineer played the voice role of ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'' in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Ass]]ault''', which coincidentally is one of the [[Soldier]]'s voice roles in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Nintendo|64.]]'''
*Likes [[bacon]], and is makin' bacon.
*In his spare time, he is also a [[Pokemon]] trainer, specializing in [[Pikachu|electric-type Pokemon]]. Usually, he can be found hanging out on route 11 in [[Japan|Kanto]], waiting for [[Ash Ketchum|Pokemon trainers]] to pass by so he can battle them.
*His wrench is a now-obsolete Monkey Wrench, which is not to be confused with a [[Mario|Pipe]] Wrench.
*Is an avid [[Thomas and Friends|Rail]] Fan, and owns a Locomotive Engineer's cap.
*Despite what the [[Soldier]] says, he is not [[Canada|Canadian]].
*Is disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost the 2010 World Series to [[GAY|San Francisco]]. His response: "[[Damn|Dammit]], dammit, dammit!"
**Is also disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost to the [[St. Louis]] [[Birds|Cardinals]] in the 2011 World Series. His response: *scream* Dagnabit, dammit!"
[[Image:Spy-check.jpg|frame|centre|This could be you.]]

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Southerners]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Engineer

2014-06-11T21:31:21Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Added rest of new stats.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Delmond "Dell" Conagher
|image=engyhead.png
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Engineer
|nationality=American
|cast=[[Wolf O'Donnell|Grant Goodeve]]}}
[[Image:20122.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer warning [[you]] about his heavy caliber sentry.]]
[[Image:MeetTheEngineer03.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer solving his practical problems.]]
{{Vid|i68cEsALWt0}}
[[Image:Engyequation.PNG|thumb|right|The Engineer's favourite equation.]]
[[Image:Vsdfsad.jpg|thumb|right|The red Engineer is being barraged by too many blue [[Spy|Spies.]]]]
The Engineer, or Engineer for short, is one of the people in [[Team Fortress 2]] that is straight. He went to the University of Texas with [[Dave Grohl]] to learn how to solve [[FEELINGS|practical problems]]. He can build gun, more gun, teleporters, dispensers, and destroy them. He also assisted in building [[Dave Grohl]]'s time machine. He may be able to stop Mama Luigi's reign of terror, but is too busy solving [[FEELINGS|practical problems]].

Cultural Heritage: Bee Cave, [[Texas]], [[USA]]

==[[Arse]]nal==
*'''Shotgun''': His pa's ol' huntin' weapon.
*'''Pistol''': His pa's ol' huntin...sidearm...
*'''Wrench''': <s>His pa's ol' huntin' wrench</s> This wrench is gifted with the ability to repair and upgrade machinery by simply whacking at them. Amazing! The same does not apply to humans, of course.
*'''PDA''': Allows him to prepare or destroy his buildings. [[No]], his pa never used it for hunting. The PDA allows the Engineer to set up...
**'''Sentry''': Can automatically pick off targets. Beware, for the presence of one will cause rageswitching to [[Spy]] in an effort to take out said sentry.
**'''Dispenser''': Automatically dispenses health, ammunition, metal, and [[Coca-Cola]] for those certain occasions.
**'''Teleporter''': Watch your teammates push and shove each other out of the way to save themselves 15 seconds of walking!
=====Update=====
*'''Frontier Justice''': Did your sentry just get overwhelmed and destroyed? Now instead of cowering back to your base like a little bitch you can fight back with this special ''Shotgun''! After the sentry blows this gun awards critical shots at the expense of a reduced ammo load.
*'''The Wrangler''': A modified Atari controller that allows you to manually aim and fire your sentry, as well as give it a shield that absorbs most of the damage! If you die while using it though, that shield will vanish in 1 second, so careful not to leave yourself open. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''The Gunslinger''': This special bionic arm gives you a slight health boost as well as allowing you to deploy '''Combat Mini-Sentries''' instead of regular sentries, which build faster and take less metal but cannot be repaired or upgraded. Oh yeah, you can also punch things! Replaces your ''Wrench'' as well as your ''Sentry'', as well as one of your hands, apparently.
*'''Pomson 6000''': Stay one step ahead of [[Spy|Spies]] and [[Medic]]s, draining their cloak and ubercharge with the energy particles from this Indivisible Particle Smasher! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Eureka Effect''': You can teleport back to your spawn or your teleporter exit with this ''Wrench''. Possible enemy's reaction? "WTF HAX!" But on the downside, buildings repair and upgrade slower, so watch where you're building. Replaces the ''Wrench''.

=====Community=====
*'''Southern Hospitality''': A newer-model ''Wrench'' which makes enemies [[Emo Luigi|bleed out]], but you're more vulnerable to [[Pyro|fire damage]].
*'''Jag''': Another model ''Wrench'' that's been hanging in Engineer's toolbox for a while. It speeds up construction so the defences go up faster, and that leaves more time to relax with a beer.
*'''Widowmaker''': A shotgun powered by metal that absorbs metal when dealing damage. Did that twist your tongue? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Short Circuit''': Did you just see your crit rocket suddenly disintegrate right in front of that sentry? Guess it was another unlucky victim of this handy dandy electrical field generator, designed specifically for zapping projectiles right out of the air! Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Rescue Ranger''': A modified shotgun useful for packing up your buildings at a distance or repairing them at range using the special bolts. Unfortunately picking up buildings this way marks you for death so you'd better be fast outta there before a Heavy mows you down in seconds. Also quite useful for multitasking. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Lugermorph''': The Engineer shares this pistol with the Scout. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol.
=====Event=====
*'''Golden Wrench''': One hundred players crafted this special gilded ''Wrench'' said to be made by King Midas/Sauron himself. Though they have no enhanced attacking capabilities they do grant the ability to turn their unlucky dead victims into solid gold statues as well as grant bragging rights to the hundred lucky bastards who got these.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Just like the ''Wrench'', it can repair and upgrade buildings. Even the buildings have something to feel good about too!

== Quotes ==
*Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.
*I solve practical problems.
*How am I gonna stop some big mean mother-[[Fucker|hubbard]] from tearing me a structurally superfluous new [[Arse|behind]]? The answer...is a [[gun]].
*If that don't work, ''use more gun''!
*And you best hope... not pointed at [[you]].
*SPY SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY!
*C'MERE, [[Pussy|SISSY]]!
*[[Gordon Freeman|Gordon Freemant]], what are you working on?
*Whait oh no where id isotop?
*[[Penis|ERECTIN' A DISPENSER]]
*Ya'll just got drafted into MY [[war]]!
*You can always tell a [[Texas|Texan]], but ya can't tell 'em much.
*I'm Wolverine-mean, you son-of-a-bitch!
*Sell your tonic elsewhere, miracle man.
*Aww, now you don't look like a happy camper.
*[[Sniper|Down under]]? More like [[Roy Koopa|six feet down under]].
*Erectin' a statue of a [[Retard|moron]]!
*Makin' [[bacon]].
*This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
*Sometimes, you just need a little less gun.
*Hurrr...
*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!
*GOTTAM GOTTAM GOTTAM
*GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR UP.

== Trivia ==
*Has odd tendencies to spout the conditions of his machines, even on break.
*Created a time paradox by preventing [[Kurt Cobain|Kurt Cobain's]] suicide. (NUH-UH [[No|COURTNEY KILLED HIM]])
[[Image:Engineer_child_photo.png|right]]
*Usually is paired with the [[Soldier]] in a series of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is a world-famous plastic surgeon. He once used a [[Robotnik|Super Sucking Vacuum Trap]] to enlarge a woman's [[Boobs|bust]].
*Has an IQ of 187.
*Has 11 [[Diploma Dope|Doctorates in Engineering and various Sciences]], all of which were originally his.
*Loves his toys, and of course hates when the [[Spy]] SAPS HIS SENTRY and murders his toys, in which a small tear falls from his eye.
*According to the [[Spy]], he is the real inventor of [[Slippy Toad]]'s inventions, and was hired by Slippy so that he could stay on the [[Fox McCloud|Star Fox]] team.
*His twin brother ''Jimm'' was a former "cow-orker" of [[Gordon Freeman]]t. On the job, Jimm survived a headcrab attack as well as a severe laceration to the head by claymore [[sword]] before finally being blown to "smitheroons" caused by radiation. All this happened within a minute.
*The voice actor for the Engineer played the voice role of ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'' in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Ass]]ault''', which coincidentally is one of the [[Soldier]]'s voice roles in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Nintendo|64.]]'''
*Likes [[bacon]], and is makin' bacon.
*In his spare time, he is also a [[Pokemon]] trainer, specializing in [[Pikachu|electric-type Pokemon]]. Usually, he can be found hanging out on route 11 in [[Japan|Kanto]], waiting for [[Ash Ketchum|Pokemon trainers]] to pass by so he can battle them.
*His wrench is a now-obsolete Monkey Wrench, which is not to be confused with a [[Mario|Pipe]] Wrench.
*Is an avid [[Thomas and Friends|Rail]] Fan, and owns a Locomotive Engineer's cap.
*Despite what the [[Soldier]] says, he is not [[Canada|Canadian]].
*Is disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost the 2010 World Series to [[GAY|San Francisco]]. His response: "[[Damn|Dammit]], dammit, dammit!"
**Is also disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost to the [[St. Louis]] [[Birds|Cardinals]] in the 2011 World Series. His response: *scream* Dagnabit, dammit!"
[[Image:Spy-check.jpg|frame|centre|This could be you.]]

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Southerners]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Engineer

2014-06-11T21:30:17Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Updated Eureka Effect to reflect the 11th June update.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Delmond "Dell" Conagher
|image=engyhead.png
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Engineer
|nationality=American
|cast=[[Wolf O'Donnell|Grant Goodeve]]}}
[[Image:20122.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer warning [[you]] about his heavy caliber sentry.]]
[[Image:MeetTheEngineer03.jpg|thumb|right|The Engineer solving his practical problems.]]
{{Vid|i68cEsALWt0}}
[[Image:Engyequation.PNG|thumb|right|The Engineer's favourite equation.]]
[[Image:Vsdfsad.jpg|thumb|right|The red Engineer is being barraged by too many blue [[Spy|Spies.]]]]
The Engineer, or Engineer for short, is one of the people in [[Team Fortress 2]] that is straight. He went to the University of Texas with [[Dave Grohl]] to learn how to solve [[FEELINGS|practical problems]]. He can build gun, more gun, teleporters, dispensers, and destroy them. He also assisted in building [[Dave Grohl]]'s time machine. He may be able to stop Mama Luigi's reign of terror, but is too busy solving [[FEELINGS|practical problems]].

Cultural Heritage: Bee Cave, [[Texas]], [[USA]]

==[[Arse]]nal==
*'''Shotgun''': His pa's ol' huntin' weapon.
*'''Pistol''': His pa's ol' huntin...sidearm...
*'''Wrench''': <s>His pa's ol' huntin' wrench</s> This wrench is gifted with the ability to repair and upgrade machinery by simply whacking at them. Amazing! The same does not apply to humans, of course.
*'''PDA''': Allows him to prepare or destroy his buildings. [[No]], his pa never used it for hunting. The PDA allows the Engineer to set up...
**'''Sentry''': Can automatically pick off targets. Beware, for the presence of one will cause rageswitching to [[Spy]] in an effort to take out said sentry.
**'''Dispenser''': Automatically dispenses health, ammunition, metal, and [[Coca-Cola]] for those certain occasions.
**'''Teleporter''': Watch your teammates push and shove each other out of the way to save themselves 15 seconds of walking!
=====Update=====
*'''Frontier Justice''': Did your sentry just get overwhelmed and destroyed? Now instead of cowering back to your base like a little bitch you can fight back with this special ''Shotgun''! After the sentry blows this gun awards critical shots at the expense of a reduced ammo load.
*'''The Wrangler''': A modified Atari controller that allows you to manually aim and fire your sentry, as well as give it a shield that absorbs most of the damage! If you die while using it though, that shield will vanish in 1 second, so careful not to leave yourself open. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''The Gunslinger''': This special bionic arm gives you a slight health boost as well as allowing you to deploy '''Combat Mini-Sentries''' instead of regular sentries, which build faster and take less metal but cannot be repaired or upgraded. Oh yeah, you can also punch things! Replaces your ''Wrench'' as well as your ''Sentry'', as well as one of your hands, apparently.
*'''Pomson 6000''': Stay one step ahead of [[Spy|Spies]] and [[Medic]]s, draining their cloak and ubercharge with the energy particles from this Indivisible Particle Smasher! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Eureka Effect''': You can teleport back to your spawn or your teleporter exit with this ''Wrench''. Possible enemy's reaction? "WTF HAX!" Replaces the ''Wrench''.

=====Community=====
*'''Southern Hospitality''': A newer-model ''Wrench'' which makes enemies [[Emo Luigi|bleed out]], but you're more vulnerable to [[Pyro|fire damage]].
*'''Jag''': Another model ''Wrench'' that's been hanging in Engineer's toolbox for a while. It speeds up construction so the defences go up faster, and that leaves more time to relax with a beer.
*'''Widowmaker''': A shotgun powered by metal that absorbs metal when dealing damage. Did that twist your tongue? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Short Circuit''': Did you just see your crit rocket suddenly disintegrate right in front of that sentry? Guess it was another unlucky victim of this handy dandy electrical field generator, designed specifically for zapping projectiles right out of the air! Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Rescue Ranger''': A modified shotgun useful for packing up your buildings at a distance or repairing them at range using the special bolts. Unfortunately picking up buildings this way marks you for death so you'd better be fast outta there before a Heavy mows you down in seconds. Also quite useful for multitasking. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Lugermorph''': The Engineer shares this pistol with the Scout. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal Pistol.
=====Event=====
*'''Golden Wrench''': One hundred players crafted this special gilded ''Wrench'' said to be made by King Midas/Sauron himself. Though they have no enhanced attacking capabilities they do grant the ability to turn their unlucky dead victims into solid gold statues as well as grant bragging rights to the hundred lucky bastards who got these.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Just like the ''Wrench'', it can repair and upgrade buildings. Even the buildings have something to feel good about too!

== Quotes ==
*Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.
*I solve practical problems.
*How am I gonna stop some big mean mother-[[Fucker|hubbard]] from tearing me a structurally superfluous new [[Arse|behind]]? The answer...is a [[gun]].
*If that don't work, ''use more gun''!
*And you best hope... not pointed at [[you]].
*SPY SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY!
*C'MERE, [[Pussy|SISSY]]!
*[[Gordon Freeman|Gordon Freemant]], what are you working on?
*Whait oh no where id isotop?
*[[Penis|ERECTIN' A DISPENSER]]
*Ya'll just got drafted into MY [[war]]!
*You can always tell a [[Texas|Texan]], but ya can't tell 'em much.
*I'm Wolverine-mean, you son-of-a-bitch!
*Sell your tonic elsewhere, miracle man.
*Aww, now you don't look like a happy camper.
*[[Sniper|Down under]]? More like [[Roy Koopa|six feet down under]].
*Erectin' a statue of a [[Retard|moron]]!
*Makin' [[bacon]].
*This thing ain't on auto-pilot, son!
*Sometimes, you just need a little less gun.
*Hurrr...
*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!
*GOTTAM GOTTAM GOTTAM
*GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR UP.

== Trivia ==
*Has odd tendencies to spout the conditions of his machines, even on break.
*Created a time paradox by preventing [[Kurt Cobain|Kurt Cobain's]] suicide. (NUH-UH [[No|COURTNEY KILLED HIM]])
[[Image:Engineer_child_photo.png|right]]
*Usually is paired with the [[Soldier]] in a series of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is a world-famous plastic surgeon. He once used a [[Robotnik|Super Sucking Vacuum Trap]] to enlarge a woman's [[Boobs|bust]].
*Has an IQ of 187.
*Has 11 [[Diploma Dope|Doctorates in Engineering and various Sciences]], all of which were originally his.
*Loves his toys, and of course hates when the [[Spy]] SAPS HIS SENTRY and murders his toys, in which a small tear falls from his eye.
*According to the [[Spy]], he is the real inventor of [[Slippy Toad]]'s inventions, and was hired by Slippy so that he could stay on the [[Fox McCloud|Star Fox]] team.
*His twin brother ''Jimm'' was a former "cow-orker" of [[Gordon Freeman]]t. On the job, Jimm survived a headcrab attack as well as a severe laceration to the head by claymore [[sword]] before finally being blown to "smitheroons" caused by radiation. All this happened within a minute.
*The voice actor for the Engineer played the voice role of ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'' in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Ass]]ault''', which coincidentally is one of the [[Soldier]]'s voice roles in '''[[Star Fox]] [[Nintendo|64.]]'''
*Likes [[bacon]], and is makin' bacon.
*In his spare time, he is also a [[Pokemon]] trainer, specializing in [[Pikachu|electric-type Pokemon]]. Usually, he can be found hanging out on route 11 in [[Japan|Kanto]], waiting for [[Ash Ketchum|Pokemon trainers]] to pass by so he can battle them.
*His wrench is a now-obsolete Monkey Wrench, which is not to be confused with a [[Mario|Pipe]] Wrench.
*Is an avid [[Thomas and Friends|Rail]] Fan, and owns a Locomotive Engineer's cap.
*Despite what the [[Soldier]] says, he is not [[Canada|Canadian]].
*Is disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost the 2010 World Series to [[GAY|San Francisco]]. His response: "[[Damn|Dammit]], dammit, dammit!"
**Is also disappointed that the [[Texas]] Rangers lost to the [[St. Louis]] [[Birds|Cardinals]] in the 2011 World Series. His response: *scream* Dagnabit, dammit!"
[[Image:Spy-check.jpg|frame|centre|This could be you.]]

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Southerners]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Sniper

2014-04-02T11:50:58Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */ Recently fixed to include missing taunt kill.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers focus (at maximum, faster charging) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman''. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Demoman

2014-03-06T17:16:18Z

Yueenode: /* Community */

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Or blow yourself up taking too long priming the fuse. Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Demoman

2014-03-06T17:13:26Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Added the Loose Cannon at long last, now that I know how it works practically.

{{char}}

[[image:Demo.PNG|thumb|The Demoman is frightened by the sight of a naked [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Heavy]].]]
{{Vid|han3AfjH210}}
The '''Demoman''' (full name '''Demolitions Man''') is a [[Africans|black]], [[Scottish]] [[One Eyed Orange Mario|cyclops]] with an [[Bomb|explosion]] fetish.

He's also a self-proclaimed meme for the [[Chewiki]].

Cultural Heritage: Ullapool, Ross and Cromarty, [[Scotland]], [[United Kingdom]]

==How The Demoman Came To Be==
The guy that made the original Team Fortress was high on [[Magic Drugs|dope]] one day, so he hired a [[Scottish]] [[Will Smith]] to fire a grenade launcher and blow people up. Thus, the Demoman was born.

==[[Ass|Arse]]nal==
*'''[[Bomb|Grenade]] Launcher''': Fires 4 grenades before needing a reload, yet it can hold six at once. That's pretty fucking gay.
*'''Sticky[[bomb]] Launcher''': Fires up to 8 grenades which stick to surfaces, which then can [[Traps|be detonated remotely]] just by him thinking about it and/or mockingly [[Wrong|saluting his enemies left-handed]].
*'''Bottle''': Once held [[BOOZE|scrumpy]]. Now only holds the Demoman's tears, and possibly urine. Oh, did I mention he might break it over your skull?
===Update===
*'''Chargin' Targe''': This shield allows you to charge toward your enemies while giving you a temporary critical boost and allowing you to bash or slice off the head of your foe. Has afterburn immunity just in case you miss and end up too close to an angry Pyro. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Resistance''': Allows you to tactically detonate sticky grenades, but most Demos won't care since they're too busy trying to stickyspam with the regular sticky-launcher or trying to chop them down with a Targe/[[Sword]] combo. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''[[sword|Eyelander]]''': [[No|Totally not a reference to ''Highlander'']], you become faster and stronger with each kill. No, there can never be only one, not as long as every Demoman out there is wielding this unbalanced piece of shit. Replaces the ''Bottle.''
*'''Sticky Jumper''': If the Soldier gets a no-damage Rocket Launcher for jump practice, why shouldn't the Demoman get something similar? As its name suggests, it's primarily for practicing Sticky Jumps and deals no damage at all. Incoming jump maps without health kits! Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher.''
*'''Horseless Headless Horsemann's Headtaker''': A haunted axe similar to the Eyelander crafted from haunted metal taken from one of three boss characters in the game: The Horseless Headless Horsemann. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Nessie's Nine Iron''': The Demoman gets stereotypical (kind of) by whacking off the heads of his enemies with this golf club. Fore! Wait...golf...bludgeoning people...[[Feelings|what will the Sniper say?]] Anyway, works the same as the Eyelander and replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Community===
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Soldier can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Scotsman's Skullcutter''': An axe that slows you down but deals more damage. What is this game becoming, fucking [[World of Warcraft]]? Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loch-n-load''': The skilled Demoman's choice. This baby fires fast grenades that cause huge damage on enemies, but break harmlessly on anything else. To add to the skill, only two grenades can be fired before reloading. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Ullapool Caber''': A Mann Co stick grenade. Any other man would throw it but the Demoman's constant intoxication makes him just hit people with it. Every time the Demoman hits, the Caber's head explodes injuring himself or both him and an enemy if present. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Claidheamh-Mor''': Similar to the Eyelander but doesn't keep a head count. Be prepared to take frequent trips to the Resupply Cabinet. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Soldier can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Splendid Screen''': Does the same job as the Targe, but the shield bash hurts at ANY POSSIBLE RANGE, in trade for weaker resistance. Replaces the ''Stickybomb Launcher''.
*'''Persian Persuader''': Recharges your shield charge faster than normal and all ammo collected turns to health. Bad news for Demomen who prefer to have at least one explosives weapon in their loadout. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ali Baba's Wee Booties''': To make up for that crushing defeat against the BLU Soldier, here's some shoes with the ability to TURN while charging! Best keep your head down, provided he hasn't chopped it off already. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Bootlegger''': This was long in coming. It's a pirate's boot and a peg leg for...doing the exact same thing as the Wee Booties...Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.
*'''Scottish Handshake''': The family rum! Too bad it still holds tears and urine like its counterpart...and there's nothing special about it. Just another ''Bottle'', which it replaces.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Loose Cannon''': A portable pirate cannon with fuse timed cannonballs, designed for blowing landlubbers to smithereens. Time it just right and you'll double donk an enemy with the mini-crit impact knockback and explosion at the same time! Damage is halved if the cannonballs miss however, so have your good remaining eye on your aim. Replaces the ''Grenade Launcher''.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bottle''. Amusingly, the Demoman attempts to '''drink''' from the frying pan when taunting
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bottle''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bottle''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bottle''.

==Quotes==
*OH CRAP
*I'm a black Scottish CYCLOPS! THEY GOT MORE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* THAN THEY GOT THE LIKES OF ME!
*OH, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GLUE YOU BACK TOGETHER... IN [[The Pit|HELL]]!
*What makes me a good Demoman? IF I WAS A BAD DEMOMAN, I WOULDN'T BE HERE DISCUSSING IT WITH YA, NOW WOULD I!?
*So.. Tar you fine dandies, so proud. SO [[PENIS|COHK]]SURE... PRANCIN' ABOOT WITH YER HEADS FULL OF EYEBALLS! COME AND GET ME, I SAY! I'LL BE WAIDIN' ON YEH WITH A LOAD'O ME OLD BRIMSTONE!
*I'M A GRIMM BLOODY FABLE! WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!
*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*NEXT TIME YE'LL BLOODY ASK BEFORE STANDING ON MY POINT`
*CHEEEEEEEERSS MATE
*AH DONT THINK THEY SAW THAT ONE COMIN'
*HOHOHOHOHHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHAAAA
*OH THAT'S SORE
*KA-BLOOOOOOEEYYYYYYY
*MEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
*THAT WIS MAH POINT YE WERE STANDIN' ON
*YA APPEAR TO HAVE TRODDEN ON A MINE!
*THAT [[Heavy Weapons Guy|HEAVY'S]] A BLOODY JACK[[Ass|ASS!!!]]
*I'm drunk. [[YOU]] DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE!
*YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN BOY I'LL STICK THAT WRENCH RIGHT UP YER ARSE!
*IT'S ON! IT'S ON LIKE Zzzzzzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha?
*(While drunk) Just bought two tickets to the gun show, and I'm not givin' em to ya. I'm goin' with YOUR tickets!
*LITTLE TOO MUCH CABER TOSSIN' PIE DOWN YER OWN THROAT EH CHUBBY?
*GO HOME LASSIE! MEN ARE FIGHTIN' HERE!
*DOMINATED! And I've been shaggin' your wife! HAHA! (Said to Medic)
*DOMINATED YOU TEUTONIC NURSEMAI-*belch* ahh...hah
*THAT'S A RIGHT PRETTY BRA WASHER YOU BUILT YOU BIG UGLY GIRL!
*(After losing) *slurring* Thankfully, I already don't remember this...
*THAT DEMO HAS BOOOOOOOBSSSSSS! See?
*SEE!?
*Stout Shako for [[2]] refined!

==Trivia==
[[Image:Demoflip.png|thumb|left|The Demoman across the way stares back. [[Sagat|Notice how his eyepatch changed sides]].]]
*The RED Demoman's name is Tavish Degroot as revealed [http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/ here], and he lives with his blind mother in a mansion somewhere in New Mexico, not too far from ''cp_badlands''. He was best friends with the BLU [[Soldier]] until recently.
*Enjoys bagpipe music, not unlike [[M. Bison]].
*Possibly enjoys [[KFC]], as well as [[bomb]]s.
*Is good friends with [[Zack]].
*Is an [[Africans|African]].
*Has had multiple charges of public nudity in the past, until he wore a sticky note with a smiley-face on his crotch.
*Lacks a functioning liver, depth perception, and a pulse. Everyone else has these, especially the [[Spy]], who enjoys rubbing it in.
*Has advanced knowledge of chemicals and chemistry, though, which he must k[[no]]w in order to properly formulate explosives.
*His real name is actually ''"Demonman"''.
*Stares at things on this site in horror, joy, or for the hell of it.
*He also has the same voice actor as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] (Gary Schwartz).
*Is not to be confused with the Rob Zombie song "Devil Man."
*Drinks scrumpy that is 160 years old.
*Worked with the [[Pyro]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*According to the [[Soldier]], [[Scotland]] is not a real country, and that he is an [[English]]man in a dress.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
*[[Soldier]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Scottish]]
[[Category:Highland Scots]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Cycloptic Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Alcoholics]]

Sniper

2014-02-24T06:22:57Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */ Added the Fortified Compound.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers focus (at maximum, faster charging) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Fortified Compound''': A metal compound bow and arrow that functions the same as the ''Huntsman'', but lacks the taunt kill. Popular amongst stealthy thieves and teenage girls who compete in annual deathmatches.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Soldier

2014-02-19T23:52:49Z

Yueenode: /* Quotes */ Oh and here's one from the Two Cities update.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*"Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"I did not have permission to die!"
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."
*"I do not see enough pushing!"
*"Push you apple-blossoms!"
*"You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Soldier

2014-02-19T23:50:18Z

Yueenode: /* Quotes */ Fixed a missing quotation mark and added 2014 Payload lines.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*"Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."
*"I do not see enough pushing!"
*"Push you apple-blossoms!"
*"You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Soldier

2014-02-19T19:41:26Z

Yueenode: /* Quotes */ Geez there have been some great ones in the past couple of years.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"
*"MINE!"
*"I am Painis Cupcake! I will eat you!" (makes creepy smile)
*"Man up ladies!"
*"Mwa-ha! the spoils of war."
*"Let's give this soup can Hell!"
*"I am not trapped in a facility full of robots. You are all trapped in here with me!"
*"Let's kick this robot's ass back to the Bronze Age!"
*"Reboot in Robot Hell you tin savages!"
*"This is not a robot tea party, sparkbags! This is Robot War!"
*"Get a haircut, trashcans."
*"The best part of you ran down your motherboard."
*"U-S-A!"
*"I will open up your chassis and use you all as a latrine!"
*"Human grits always beats robot magic."
*"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
*"Never forget, always remember: Pepper fie!"
*"All men gave some. Some men gave more than some."
*"You call that a loss? I've crapped bigger losses than that!"
*"You are the worst roommate!"
*"Don't you die on me, gravity!"
*"Must...think...about...sensible haircuts!"
*"IT'S A BOOK! HE'S GOING TO READ!"
*"DAMN YOU MERASMUS! YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMAAAAAAATE!"
*"Come on out Merasmus! I've got your body! It's not burned! Looks pretty good! I might crawl in there myself!"
*"I am scared you maggots!"
*"Oh look it's Houdini! What's that Houdini? You're looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around-- GET OUT HERE MERASMUS!"
*"We give up, Merasmus! You're too scary for us! NOW COME OUT SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"
*"MERASMUS STOP TAKING JOBS FROM AMERICAN GHOSTS!"
*"Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!"
*"Merasmus! Take your voodoo back to Canada! WHERE IT BELONGS!"
*"I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!"
*"I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!"
*"Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts! My foot, my other foot, and a ghost!"
*"You are ten pounds of ghost crap in a five-pound dress!"
*"Son you are a disgrace to the afterlife. You do not deserve to wear that magic dress."
*"I am not afraid of no ghosts! I REFUSE to be afraid of no ghosts!"
*"I have returned from the grave to give the living haircuts!"
*"Brains! Haircuts! Hippies! Braaaains!"
*"This old man won't push himself to Hell, ladies!"
*"I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
*"GOD BLESS AMERICA!"
*"SON OF A CUSSING CUSS-WORD!"
*"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED! ON MY HEAD!"
*"Screaming eagle! AAAAAAH!"
*"MERASMUS! I HATE YOU!"
*"Dominated! By the great seal of the United States of My Head!"
*"DAAAAH! MY HEAD SMELLS DELICIOUS!"
*"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have made me a mindless puppet of this brain maggot!"
*"YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS! Oop sorry brain maggot I forgot you were there."
*"TEN-HUT! You too brain maggot!"
*Can one of you look at the top of my head? It feels--(monotone) Do not look at this man's head. Go about your business."
*"YOU'RE ALL MAGGOTS YOU SCUM-SUCKING FRUIT BASKETS! No offence, brain maggot."
*"Friendship is magic, creampuff!"
*"In this man's unicorn army, you clomp your hooves when a superior officer addresses you!"
*"Men, these are the facts as I understand them: One: I am the prettiest unicorn! Two: My mane is lustrous and fragrant, and it catches the wind perfectly! DISMISSED!"
*"Let's get one thing straight: You are all pretty unicorns, but I am the prettiest unicorn! DID I STUTTER!?"
*"Sound off like you've got a horn!"
*"Abracadabra! I just made all my bullets disappear into your chest cavity!"
*"Wanna see a magic trick? Presto, you're dead!
*"This is what the president must feel like all the time."
*"This is what God would use to shoot somebody."
*"You can have this when you pry it from my cold dead hands, and even then good luck! Because I will have glued it to my cold dead hands."

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Sniper

2014-02-12T19:01:51Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Cleaner's Carbine in accordance with the Strongbox pack update.

{{character}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sniper
|image=Sniper.jpg
|appears in=Team Fortress 2
|sex=Male
|age=??
|occupation=Sniper (Hired Mercenary)
|nationality=Australian
|cast=John Patrick Lowrie}}
The Sniper is a hired self-proclaimed assassin that originates from Australia. His mother and father are [[Yoko Littner]] of ''[[Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann]],'' and The End from ''Metal Gear Solid 3'', respectively.
===Characteristics===
The Sniper seems to be about 29-32 years old and is a bit frustrated with his parents not understanding he's a hired assassin instead of a crazed gunman. He always wears a hat and sunglasses along with a vest. He has black hair with medium sideburns, and drives around/lives in a camper van.
====Arsenal====
=====Basic=====
*'''Sniper Rifle''': A sniper rifle, dumbass. Used for picking off opponents from across the map.
*'''SMG''': Best used short-range to pick off opponents from, well, not across the map.
*'''Kukri''': His <s>machete</s> Nepali inwardly curved-bladed knife. Used for melee attacks.
=====Update=====
*'''Huntsman''': A bow and arrow. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle'', better used medium-range. Has also earned the nickname ''Lucksman'' by many an angry victim.
*'''Jarate''': The terrifying biological weapon centered around urine in a jar. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Razorback''': Some rather useless shield that can block a [[Spy]]'s backstab for a few seconds. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Community=====
*'''Tribalman's Shiv''': His other <s>penis</s> machete. One hit, the enemy bleeds for a few seconds. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Sydney Sleeper''': Assured death comes sooner as this sniper rifle on hit applies Jarate to the enemy. Unfortunately headshots don't kill, so that's a few hundred players pissed off. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Darwin's Danger Shield''': Made from crocodile skin and gives a max health boost and bullet and explosive resistance rather than backstab protection. Talk about a false sense of security. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Bushwacka''': His bushwacking knife crits whenever it's supposed to mini-crit. Jarate and this knife? It's gonna be hell for Spies. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Bazaar Bargain''': Designed for those Snipers who treat sniping as serious business, this new Rifle charges slowly, but speeds up charging on headshots, but also loses charging speed on bodyshots or a complete miss. Expect clans who restrict the Sniper Rifle slot to just this one. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Shahanshah''': When the Sniper's on his last legs, this scimitar deals heavy damage! When he's fine however, it's not so hot. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Cozy Camper''': A camper's backpack which helps stabilise the Sniper's aim, even against Heavies who love screwing up their aim. He takes extra damage though. Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Cleaner's Carbine''': A slow-firing SMG that grants 100% mini-crit chance for 8 seconds on kill. If you're reading this Heavy, two can play at that KGB game, and at range too! Replaces the ''SMG''.
*'''Hitman's Heatmaker''': This new Sniper Rifle gathers focus (at maximum, faster charging) with kills and assists and blows an enemy's head clean off on a headshot! THERE CAN BE ONLY-- hang on. It's a freaking Sniper rifle! What is this? Highlander 2012? Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Promotion=====
*'''Machina''': Used for picking off multiple targets via penetrating bullets from across the map. The tracer rounds on the other hand make the Sniper screwed as it gives away his location. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''AWPer Hand''': Modelled after the oh-so frustrating AWP from the Counter-Strike series, but isn't any more powerful, at least here. You can only imagine dominating the server. Replaces the ''Sniper Rifle''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Kukri''.

=====Event=====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Kukri''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Kukri''.

Special Note: When the Sniper wields the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and Bushwacka plus a hat called "Ol' Snaggletooth" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. The hunter's got his prey.

[[Image:Jarate.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The Sniper prepares to unleash the fury of ''Jarate'' upon an unsuspecting BLU [[Spy]].]]

===Quotes===
*Wanka.
*Boom, headshot...
*Snipin's a good job mate, challenging work, outta doors, I guarantee you might go angry.
*'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's 2 people on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. 
*I'm not a crazed gunman dad, I'm an assassin!
[[Image:Huntsman.jpg|thumb|right|And you thought that the Sniper was only good with sniper-like guns, eh?]]
*One is a job and one is mental sickness!
*Crazed gunmen have standards.
*I think his mate saw me...
*[[Feelings|Feelings!]]
*Be polite.
*Be efficient.
*Professionals have standards.
*Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
*Where'd I get you that time? The liver? The kidney? I'm losing track.
*Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died and I lived happily ever after. The end.
*Dominated, you [[Engineer|cactus-eatin' egghead!]]
*[[Spy|I was never on '''''your''''' side, either!]]
*[[God|Gawd]] [[Britain|save the queen]]!
*Aw, piss...

===Trivia===
*Despite his parents constantly misunderstanding his occupation, the Sniper frequently protects his father from the assassination attempts of [[Robotnik]], who is jealous of The End's Japanese schoolgirl of a wife.
*The Sniper once brought [[Yoko]] to the battlefield on "Bring your Mother to Work Day". She pulled off 5 headshots in a row before being knifed in the back by a Spy. Valve offered her a permanent job, as well as her own video, but they immediately took back the offer when they realized she couldn't speak English.
*Secretly admires [[Link]] which is why he has a bow, a shield and a sword. He was also reported being seen at a convention in Link's usual clothing not too long ago.
*Recently was attacked by the [[Spy]], which led to a scar across the left side of his face from where the Spy's knife [[Sword|slashed]] him.
*Dislikes Dora the Explorer, especially when she says "Sniper, [[no]] sniping!", a request that he usually complies with.
*His camper van is a 1965 [[Britain|Land Rover]] camper van conversion.
*Has kidney disease from learning the art of jarate.
*His voice actor is married to the voice actor of [[Glados|GLaDOS's]] and the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]]. Wonder who the kids voice act?
*The [[Soldier]] has called the Sniper ''Bilbo Baggins'' or various mispronunciations of the name on occasion. Whether this is an insult or he truly believes the Sniper is a hobbit is completely up to debate.

===See Also===
{{vid|9NZDwZbyDus}}
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

[[Image:Ouch.jpg|frame|left|Oh, you crazy Sniper.]]
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sniper}}

Heavy Weapons Guy

2014-02-12T19:00:08Z

Yueenode: /* Update */ Adjusted Natascha in accordance with the Strongbox pack update.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Heavy Weapons Guy
|image=BULLET.JPG
|sex=Male
|nationality=Russian
|occupation=Heavy weapons guy (OHMIGAWD, NO WAI!!)
|cast=[[Demoman|Gary Schwartz]]
}}

'''Heavy Weapons Guy''', or '''Heavy''' for short, is a [[fat]], bald, <s>bastard</s> maniacal Slavic man. He usually gets pissed when somebody touches his [[gun]]/lover/masturbatory aid, Sasha. He has yet to meet someone who can outsmart a bullet and enjoys massacring thousands of people. In and out of battles he pays hookers to let him beat them up.

Not to be confused with [[Doom|heavy weapons dude]].

==Arsenal==
[[Image:Heavy-om.jpg|thumb|right|[[Sandviches]] are especially important to Heavy. [[Maybe|Maybe even more so than Sasha...]]]]
===Basic===
*'''Sasha''': His trademark [[Gun|Minigun]] he once used to keep thousands from getting over the [[Communists|Berlin Wall]]. Approach with caution.
*'''Shotgun''': His other gun. Used on weekends for hunting quail with the [[Medic]]. Used on weekdays for hunting [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|''leetle babeh men.'']]
*'''Fists''': Used for [[Falcon Punch|punching]] the tiny faces of his foes in. The latest Cyborg technology has given him the ability to fire lethal bullets from his fingers.

===Update===
*'''Natascha''': Though not as powerful as Sasha, it slows down his opponents, which could make them easier kills. Provides additional ammo to last longer. Replaces ''Sasha.''
*'''[[Sandvich]]:''' The delicious deli product with a Slavic accent! Used for healing himself and [[Pizza Party|general dickery in matches]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB)''': Not to be mistaken for the Soviet Secret Service's initials, these gloves give the Heavy's ''Fists'' an extra "kick".
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Fists''.

===Community===
*'''Dalokohs Bar''': A chocolate bar that increases the Heavy's max health...I'll just stick with the Sandvich.
*'''Gloves of Running Urgently (GRU)''': When wearing these special boxing gloves, the Heavy runs faster (ironic I know) but does less damage and he is marked for death. Also known as the GRU and are NOT to be confused with the Russian international military intelligence directorate of the same initials.
*'''Brass Beast''': The Heavy becomes a walking sentry with this. It might make him move slow but the bullets deal more damage.
*'''Buffalo Steak Sandvich''': Who needs bread, or a gun? Real men eat steak and fight with their hands! Plus getting badly hurt themselves if they get hit.
*'''Warrior's Spirit''': He'll kill you with bear hands! Get it? BEAR hands!...of course these were cut off the actual animal.
*'''Fists of Steel''': Taking a Heavy Weapons Guy quote literally, these steel fists make the Heavy stronger against projectile attacks and weaker against melee combat. No matter what's thrown at him, he lives longer.
*'''Tomislav''': It's awfully quiet in her--*BADDA-BADDA-BADDA*. Don't end up the unlucky victim of this silent spinning ''minigun'' modified and on loan from the Mafia.
*'''Family Business''': A ''shotgun'' with an expanded magazine of ammo for the Gangster kind of Heavy.
*'''Eviction Notice''': When you're wearing sharp knuckledusters, you get that confidence to swing your fists faster into the faces of jerkasses.
*'''Holiday Punch''': Feeling jolly? Make your enemies burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter as you punch 'em from behind with these gloves while the rest of the team (or you with your minigun) does the honours. What a humiliating way to die.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===[[Promotion]]===
*'''Iron Curtain''': Canonically the Heavy's first Minigun from his earlier days of Berlin Wall defence, before he used Sasha. Forget approaching with caution and find another way around him. Replaces ''Sasha''.
*'''Fishcake''': A...fishcake...wrapped...functions the same as the Dalokohs Bar...Move along. Should I also mention that the fish ingredient is artificial? Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Apoco-Fists''': Said to have been worn by Mikhail Gorbachev himself, these diamond-studded boxing gloves can shatter bone and break enemies into bloody chunks. Bet you wish your boxing gloves could be that manly. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Fists'' and gives them something to hold at the same time.
*'''Huo Long Heater''': I fell into a burning ring of fire, then got riddled with holes thanks to this new dragon-themed ''Minigun''!
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Fists''.
*'''Ham Shank''': Don't run! It's just ham! No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Fists''.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Gives the ''Fists'' something to hold to FINALLY use as a proper melee weapon (But [[Saxton Hale]] won't agree for sure) and NOT some random food item!
*'''Robo-Sandvich''': A mechanical ''Sandvich'' bursting with delicious metal! Not recommended for organic beings. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Fists''.

Special Note: When the Heavy wields the Brass Beast, the Buffalo Steak Sandvich and the Warrior's Spirit together, crits don't hurt as much. Never fear the crit rocket again!

==Relationships==
[[Image:Bullet_(Chrono_Phantasma,_Character_Select_Artwork).png|thumb|right|Heavy's new girlfriend.]]
Heavy is in mad love with his weapons, especially Sasha, though he occasionally cheats on her by switching to Natascha for dealing with those pesky [[Scout]]s.
He is best buddies of the [[Medic]], though many believe their friendship goes beyond that.
His worst enemy is the [[Scout]] who always tries to steal his sandwiches for himself, the pig!

Also, he recently be[[came]] best Soviet friends with [[Zangief]] and [[Soda Popinski]].

Around August 2012 he met some chick on Craigslist. When he learned her name was Bullet, the rest was history.

==Quotes==
{{vid|jHgZh4GV9G0}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am Heavy Weapons Guy...and ''this''...is my weapon."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Oh my god, who touched Sasha? Alright... WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Some people think they can outsmart me... [[maybe]]... *sniff* maybe.... I have yet to meet one that can outsmart BULLET."}}[[Image:Heavyweaponsguy 003 0001.jpg|thumb|right|WHO TOUCHED MY GUN!]]
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! [[yes|CRY SOME MORE!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIC"!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"It costs 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon...for 12 seconds."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"MEDIIIIC!!!!!!"}}
[[Image:Tf2happyheavy.jpg|thumb|right|The Heavy Weapons Guy laughs at the [[Vince Offer|Scout's]] pitiful attempt at advertising.]]{{poopquote|Heavy|DOCTAR}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I LOVE THIS DOCTAR!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I live!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Run cowards!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OM! NOM! NOM! OM! NOM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"YATATATATATATATATATDODODODUDUDADADADA!!!! KABOOM! KABOOM"!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I HEAR SOMEONE BUILDING DIAPER CHANGING STATION!"}}
{{vid|eya3BAt2x-Y}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ENTIRE TEAM IS BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"ALL OF YOU ARE BABIES!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT WAS THAT SANDVICH? KILL THEM ALL? GOOD IDEA! AHAHAHAHAHA!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] [[M. Bison|is]] [[delicious]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout|SCOUT]], [[I]]'m Really Happy [[4|For]] [[You]], And I'mma Let You Finish, But [[Medic|MEDIC]] Has One Of The Best VIDEOOOOOOOOOs Of All Time!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM JETPACK!! BZZZZ!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"GUN!!!!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, THIS IS [[Bad|BAD]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"OH, NO! HELP!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Heh... cry some more."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Scout]] is [[money]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"HOHHOHOHOHAW, That's big [[Pickle Surprise|surprise!"]]}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I am credit card! CHARGE ME!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Waaaaaaahhh!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"THESE CARDS ARE WEAK LIKE BLU BABY TEAM!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM VERY HAPPY! Hahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I can call [[You|your]] bet AND buy [[Sandvich|Sandvich]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"[[Strong Bad|Strong and Bad]], you wrestle? With mask?"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"My favorites are The Dirty Dozen and the first 20 minutes of Rocky IV."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Da this is good for you. I suggest Force-A-Nature."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I AM NOT MOONLIGHTER!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Dead doctors everywhere. Spy cannot be found."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are Heavy. Tiny no? You are RED Team. You have Killing Gloves of Boxing. You earn these for being great killer."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I will make hat from you little bunny."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Best strategy when fighting Heavy Weapons Guy, is not to fight Heavy Weapons Guy."}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"You are like dumb! Dumb like Engineer trying to kill man with wrench! You must fight with weapons!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHAT!? I WILL NOT LOSE TO LUCKY COWARD! I KILL YOU!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"Vinning vinning vinning is almost as fun as killing!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I cannot squash a man with GARBAGE!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"WHERE ARE YOU SPY!? I KNOW YOU SABOTAGE CARDS! I NEVER GET GOOD HAND!"}}
{{poopquote|Heavy|"I AM BULLETPROOF!!!!!!"}}

==Trivia==
*He has the same voice actor as the [[Demoman]].
*It is rumoured that he may be having an affair with Natascha.
*It is also rumored that he may be in a [[No|relationship]] with the [[Soldier]].
*It is confirmed that he has a grandson, which is the main character of Quake 2.
*Robbed a McDonalds once for their McGriddles.
*Sasha was also raped by the [[Scout]] when he took her out for a steak dinner.
*Has a [[Medic]] fetish.[[Image:Hwgfn5.png|thumb|Heavy Weapons Guy laughing at the clowns in a [[Ken Masters|circus.]]]]
*Has yet to meet one who can outsmart [[shit|bullshit]].
*Was once killed by [[Gordon Freeman]].
*Works part-time at a deli to help pay the rent/steal sandwiches.
{{VidCaption|XSZA1wyCVYw|Heavy invades Starfox.}}
{{VidCaption|EeQnnEqexkA|Heavy invades Outset island.}}
*Whenever he becomes pissed off about someone saying something negative about [[Sandvich]] (Mostly [[Scout]]), he has a magic (hacking) ability to make a few Sandviches turn into a Sandvich Gun!!! It allows him to fire random Sandviches from his Sandvich Gun, and when he's satisfied, he actually eats his Sandvich Gun!
*His bullets are smarter than him.
*He is one of the few people to obtain a [[Promotion]].
*Is interested in [[America]]n culture, which is why he owns an [[American Football]] helmet, and occasionally wears a [[Donald Duck|duck]]'s [[arse]] haircut along with some [[Elvis]]-esque sunglasses.
*Once served in the Red Army, which is where he obtained his ushanka.
*Being [[Falcon Punch|punched]] by his fists is similar to being hit by the following: [[Pyro|an Axe]], [[Soldier|a Shovel]], [[Demoman|a Bottle (broken or not)]], [[Medic|A Bonesaw]], [[Engineer|a Wrench]], [[Sniper|a Kukri]], and a [[Falcon Punch]].
*It is believed that Heavy actually scared [[retard|someone]] with the sandvich by putting an evil grin on it.
*Was once shocked to see the [[Scout]] be[[cum|come]] a [[Dry Bones|Boo]], who proceeded to chase him afterwards.
*Despite his lack of intelligence, he has limited reality-warping powers. By simply saying something such as "'''Character''' is '''item'''", whatever he said will come true. All we have to do is hope he doesn't say, "''[[No|Heavy is naked]]!''"
*Also despite his intelligence, he has a degree in Russian [[:Category:Book Characters|Literature]].
*One time, he ended up being a guinea pig like [[Soda Popinski]] for Russian scientists. However, unlike [[Soda Popinski]], he was given special strength increasing [[sandvich]]es, which [[no]]t only gave him [[Superman|super strength]], but also made him radiate in a purple color.
**Also, he once fought [[Little Mac]] due to the fact that he was pretending to be [[Soda Popinski]]. He surprisingly ended up winning that fight.
*One time, he ruined [[Scout]]'s acceptance speech for whatever the thing it was that he won just to say that the [[Medic]] has one of the best videos of all time. The incident can be seen near the top of the end of the quotes part of this article.
**However, [[I]] will say that the [[Demoman]] called him a bloody jack[[ass]] afterwards.
*He was once hypnotized by [[Pickle Surprise]] to say "ham".
*Enjoys playing poker with [[Sam & Max|Max]], Tycho, and [[Strong Bad]].
*Take a wild guess who he's gonna main in Blazblue: Chronophantasma.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Sandvich]]
*[[Soda Popinski]]
*[[Zangief]]

==Links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqIRX4aXTP8 First Heavy Weapons Guy poop ever.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VPYQm1o5BY Heavy Weapons Guy and his trademark laugh.]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Russian]]
[[Category:Communists]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]
[[Category:Europeans]]
[[Category:Asians]]

Pyro

2014-02-12T18:58:32Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Reserve Shooter in accordance with the Strongbox pack update.

{{char}}
[[Image:Pyro.jpg|thumb|right|Pyro in its usual spandex.]]
[[Image:Pyrogirl.png|thumb|right|The RED Pyro, [[no|unmasked]].]]
{{vid|WUhOnX8qt3I}}
The Pyro (gender unknown) is a character in the game [[Team Fortress 2]] and is the arch-enemy of the [[Spy]]. Its hobbies including burning things, setting things on fire, and killing people with its flamethrower.

Pyro's main dislike is being blown up (which happens A LOT).

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Flamethrower:''' Used short-range for [[Fire|burning his enemies to a crisp.]] Can also blow people back.
*'''Shotgun:''' Ugh, another shotgun...anyhow, used for slightly longer ranges.
*'''Axe''': A novelty from Pyro's time as a failure of a firefighter, now for hacking open your ribcage instead of a locked door.
===Updates===
*'''Backburner:''' Replacing your ''Flamethrower'', it does more damage when you burn the backs of enemies at the expense of your airblaster.
*'''Flare Gun:''' Can set distant foes aflame. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Axtinguisher''': Does less damage normally than the ''Axe'', but does 100% crit damage when they're on fire. [[Yes|You'd figure the barbed wire alone would do more damage, right?]]
*'''Postal Pummeler''': One day the Pyro decided to pull a mailbox out of the ground and give his enemies an "express delivery" from [[The Pit|Hell]]. Substituting the ''Axe'', it works the same as the Axtinguisher, but other than blunt trauma, what kind of extra damage does it have? The sharp edges of the letters in the mailbox?
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Axe''.
*'''Phlogistinator''': Hailing from another dimension, this ''Flamethrower'' charges up "Mmmph" as the Pyro burns players, unleashing full health and crit refill for a few seconds at full charge. Why worry about Enforcers when you can fix up your health with this? Unfortunately does not have an airblast.
*'''Manmelter''': This raygun that adds a crit for every player he extinguishes with it. Talk about Help-and-hurt. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Third Degree''': Fitted with a hot coil, this high-tech ''Axe'' transfers damage dealt to enemies to all other enemies connected by Medic beams. Just watch as a Heavy-Medic Combo get chopped down a few seconds into their rampage.
*'''Rainblower''': A bizarre set of brass horns that sprays colourful bubbles and rainbows? Only in the Pyro's imagination. When you look at it, you'll see just another ''Flamethrower'', but the surrounding area gets bathed in flames during a taunt for surprise destruction. Can only be seen by those wearing the Pyrovision Goggles, which allows other classes to see the fucked up world of Pyroland.
*'''Lollichop''': A delicious lollipop for feeding your friends! Ok. It's actually just another ''Axe'' (The Pyro seriously needs therapy), but you can see the lollipop if you're wearing the Pyrovision Goggles.

===Community===
*'''Homewrecker''': A hammer that does more damage to Engineer buildings, although I don't see the point because you could just use your Flamethrower or Flare Gun. Can also whack enemy sappers off friendly buildings. At least it's actually handy now.
*'''Degreaser''': For less burn damage you switch weapons faster. The logic to this? None at all, but handy for Pyros who are forced to go melee or shotgun.
*'''Powerjack''': This hefty hammer deals more damage and restores health on a successful kill. Oh I get it. When you're struggling, you JACK their POWER by taking their health. Comes with extra move speed and damage vulnerability to make kills with this a gamble.
*'''Back Scratcher''': This tough rake deals more damage, but Medics give less healing to you. You'll have to make do scavenging health crates, which in turn give you more health!
*'''Detonator''': The Pyro can now detonate his Flares remotely, starting his own deadly fireworks display to the tune of Scouts running around shouting "FOI-YAH! FOI-YAH!"
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with fire and a compression blast, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new shotgun brings.
*'''Scorch Shot''': Flares from this flare gun push back enemies. Knockback might not sound too threatening at first, but then all enemies in radius are set on fire. Now are you scared?
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.

===Promotion===
*'''Sharpened Volcano Fragment''': Carved from [[The Pit]]'s finest obsidian, this glowing ''Axe'' alternative sets opponents on fire. The Circle of Fire is complete.
*'''Maul''': It's a weapon all the way from Planet Mars! But...functions the same as the Homewrecker. Only bother if you like how it looks.
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Neon Annihilator''': One night in Hong Kong and this neon sign was stolen by the Pyro to make any wet living thing's life a misery, especially if they keep dropping into the water on 2fort to escape afterburn.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Pyro wields the Degreaser, the Powerjack plus a hat called the "Attendant" together, he leaves a calling card on his victims. Have a nice day!

==Quotes==
*AHAHAHAHAHA OOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
*OW
*MMMMM MMMM MMMMMMMMOOOOKMM MM
*HUDDA HUDDA HO
{{vid|ww-jfygVEE0}}
==Trivia==
*Does heavy amounts of [[Magic Drugs|LSD]], causing it to believe that it is blowing bubbles, spreading fun, and giving lolipops to babies, when in reality, it is blowing [[Scout]]s away with flares, spreading [[fire]]s, and giving axes to the skulls of Heavies.
*Was once killed by Soldier's [[Falcon Punch]], only to be brought back to life because it's used to that sort of thing.
*Yearns to start a rock and roll band when TF2 is over, and can often be seen playing its axe like a guitar to [[Soulja Boy|shitty rap music]].
*[[Medic]] has agreed to be violinist for Pyro's band, but first the never-ending war in Team Fortress must end.
*Has a potential immunity to [[Super AIDS]]. This has yet to be confirmed, however.
*Can perform a Gadoken, as seen in some videos.
*Looks like Adrian Shepard.
*Its gender is often the subject of debate and nobody is quite sure on who exists under that baggy suit.
*Has sued the man in the gas mask from that lame-looking horror movie, ''My Bloody Valentine''.
*Owns a pink purse as seen in the respawn rooms in TF2.
*If you get a kill with this class, people will burn up with anger pretty easily. Heh heh, [[Get the Hint?|get it?]] Burn up? Pyro? Heh heh, eehh...
*It's a flamer. Lol, another fire joke...
*Has multiple [[Pokemon]], all fire types.
*Has the same voice actor as the [[Spy]], ironically.
*Worked with the [[Demoman]] on the pyrotechnics for [[KISS]] in the '70s and early '80s.
*Its suit contains asbestos.
*The Pyro spends some of its spare time helping the British Army control a mutant outbreak in London.

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
*[[Fire]]
[[Category: Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]

Soldier

2014-02-12T18:57:22Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted weapons in accordance with the Strongbox release update.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 5 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Be extra careful with the ammo too, as you cannot collect ammo from dispensers while using it. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Scout

2014-02-12T18:54:05Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ 40% knockback isn't particularly high.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with one purpose: Performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Scout

2013-12-21T00:29:27Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Soda Popper in accordance with the Smissmas 2013 Update.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a high vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with one purpose: Performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Hypemode by running, this Scattergun allows you five extra midair jumps at full charge, allowing you to swoop in and blow your enemies into next week! Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Spy

2013-12-21T00:26:58Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Diamondback in accordance with the Smissmas 2013 Update.

{{CharBox
|name=Spy
|image=Tf2_spy.jpg‎
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=36
|occupation=Spy/Agent
|cast=Dennis Bateman
|nationality=French
}}{{Char}}

==Overview==
The Spy is one of the nine classes featured in the Valve game, [[Team Fortress 2]]. Some of his weapons include a knife, revolver, sapper (SPYS SAPPIN MAH SENTRY), and cigarettes used to disguise as the opposite team's classes... before the [[Pyro]] flames his ass.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Revolver''': A slow-firing, but rather powerful and accurate version of the usual pistol. Doubles for a dildo.
*'''Sapper''': This device can attach to and slowly destroy an [[Engineer]]'s buildings and can also be used as a Defibrillator if necessary.
*'''Knife''': A butterfly knife bought at the [[Morshu|dollar store]], the preferred weapon of Spies.
*'''Disguise Kit''': Allows the Spy to transform into his enemies, and successfully pull off identity theft.
*'''Cloaking Device''': A convenient device in the form of a watch that temporarily cloaks you, great for sneaking past opponents and for the "Glance and Go" pervert. Unfortunately does not tell time.

===Update===
*'''The Ambassador''': A diplomat from France in the form of a revolver sent to aid the Spy in blowing people's heads off. Crits on accurate headshot, But fires slower and does less damage. Replaces the usual ''Revolver''.
*'''The "Cloak and Dagger"''': A ''Cloaking Device'' replacement that allows you to remain invisible for as long as you want, so long as you stay still. Perfect for waiting for an opportunity and the "Locker Room" pervert. Does not tell time.
*'''The "Dead Ringer"''': When you're shot, you leave behind a fake corpse while going invisible. Replaces the ''Cloaking Device'', great brass pocketwatch finish! Used to tell time, but it broke.
*'''Wanga Prick''': A rather large voodoo-pin with the haunted ability to instantly steal the identity of whoever it kills! Yeah, works just like the Eternal Reward. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Community===
*'''L'Etranger''': A stylish revolver that extends the cloaking meter and regenerates it on every hit. Damn. He's gone faster than--*backstab*. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Your Eternal Reward''': Despite sacrificing the ability to disguise, this stylish knife kills silently and disguises the Spy as his victim. The hard part is trying to avoid being seen after uncloaking. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Conniver's Kunai''': Fandom rejoice as the fabled ninja weapon comes to the game! Though it heals the Spy through backstabs, he has less health to begin with. Use with caution. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Enforcer''': Deals extra damage for putting down anyone who catches you, especially those highly alert Pyros...so long as you can extinguish yourself easily afterwards. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Big Earner''': Gives cloak charge on a backstab, for efficient returning to the shadows. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Diamondback''': Not to be mistaken for a breed of snake, this ''Revolver'' gains crits for every backstab and every building the Spy saps...oh hang on, Spah sappin' mah--! *shot with critical hit*
*'''Spy-cicle''': An icicle. Don't laugh yet. It might not look like much, but its backstab turns victims into ice. Also, if lit on fire, it provides protection against fire for 2 seconds, at the cost that the icicle melts and temporarily disarms him. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Promotion===
*'''Big Kill''': Functions the same as the Revolver, but is just a different skin. Nothing special.
*'''Enthusiast's Timepiece''': A Pac-man themed watch that you must murder the owner to obtain. It serves the same purpose of sneaking and "Glance And Go" but is built for the hardcore gamer in all of us. Does tell time, but not when in use by the Spy.
*'''Sharp Dresser''': A cleverly hidden knife in the sleeve. The preferred weapon of Spies of surprise.
*'''Black Rose''': The standard knife with rose patterns on the blade. For the lethal lover in every Spy...so many re-skins. Good God.
*'''Red-Tape Recorder''': Chinese ingenuity brings you a one-of-a-kind construction-reversing tape recorder for easy storage and transport of your buildings! (Not really. You just lost your sentry and it's free ammo for the Spy who put that recorder on it).
*'''Quäckenbirdt''': A German-developed watch with a picture of a duck on it. Go ahead and laugh if you must, but once he sneaks past you and backstabs you with it, you'll never want to go to the park ever again. We're not sure if it tells time or not.
*'''Ap-Sap''': A sentient AI Sapper developed by Aperture Science for the purpose of hacking into and destroying machinery. Provides countless hours of completely inconspicuous chit-chat to entertain you as you break contraptions and piss off Engineers.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Functions just like the ''Knife'', but a blunt golden hat-shaped end? Kills instantly? From behind? Mind = Blown.

Special Note: When the Spy wields L'Etranger and the Eternal Reward plus a hat called the "Familiar Fez" together, special particle effects appear when taunting.

==Quotes==
{{vid|LN4cRDEYalw}}
{{Vid|SnSzV_JdSz4}}
{{Vid|aSSsqoqrzZ4}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Gentlemen".}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"That would be your mother."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I am ze Spy."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And worst of all, he could be any one of us."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Ah, mon petit chou-fleur."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to visit your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I never really was on your side..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Cheers."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to rape your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?" *Laughs*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"[[You]] are such a virgin."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And I murdered [[Engineer|your]] toys, too!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be..." *Shot*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I have been shown, who is the boss!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, this was a disappointment..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Leave me hanging and you will regret it."}}
[[Image:Eg9860.gif|frame|right|The Spy always [[die]]s, [[you]] k[[no]]w.]]

==Trivia==
*Him and the blue [[Engineer]] are [[Gay|the best of lovers.]]
*Loves to sneak up behind unsuspecting [[Sniper|snipers]].
*Likes [[Engineer|SAPPIN' SENTRIES.]]
*Also likes corn.
*Was once an [[Africans|African.]]
*The RED Spy is the BLU [[Scout|Scout's]] father, as well as the genetic father of various others.
*Frequently produces [[pornography]] with your mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*Also stars in [[pornography]] with the [[Scout]]'s mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*He never really was on your side.
*He has sex with the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]] numerous times.
*Is especially cruel to everyone.
*Knows Scout's embarrassing secret: he cries upon seeing rainbows.
*Also knows a secret about [[Slippy Toad]] that could cost him his job if it got out.
*Not related to the two colour spies (White Spy and Black Spy) from Spy Vs. Spy, it was his favourite comic and game though.
*One of his ancestors was Napoleon.
*The BLU Spy's head currently resides inside of the [[Medic]]'s refrigerator, where he chain smokes all day, and begs for the Medic to kill him.
*He fluently speaks [[Spanish]] and [[Italian]].
*Interestingly, he knows how to build a [[Engineer|dispenser]].
*And now he's here to fuck us! OH SHI-

{{DEFAULTSORT:Spy}}
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Spies]]
[[Category:Dicks]]

Spy

2013-12-21T00:25:00Z

Yueenode: /* Promotion */

{{CharBox
|name=Spy
|image=Tf2_spy.jpg‎
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=36
|occupation=Spy/Agent
|cast=Dennis Bateman
|nationality=French
}}{{Char}}

==Overview==
The Spy is one of the nine classes featured in the Valve game, [[Team Fortress 2]]. Some of his weapons include a knife, revolver, sapper (SPYS SAPPIN MAH SENTRY), and cigarettes used to disguise as the opposite team's classes... before the [[Pyro]] flames his ass.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Revolver''': A slow-firing, but rather powerful and accurate version of the usual pistol. Doubles for a dildo.
*'''Sapper''': This device can attach to and slowly destroy an [[Engineer]]'s buildings and can also be used as a Defibrillator if necessary.
*'''Knife''': A butterfly knife bought at the [[Morshu|dollar store]], the preferred weapon of Spies.
*'''Disguise Kit''': Allows the Spy to transform into his enemies, and successfully pull off identity theft.
*'''Cloaking Device''': A convenient device in the form of a watch that temporarily cloaks you, great for sneaking past opponents and for the "Glance and Go" pervert. Unfortunately does not tell time.

===Update===
*'''The Ambassador''': A diplomat from France in the form of a revolver sent to aid the Spy in blowing people's heads off. Crits on accurate headshot, But fires slower and does less damage. Replaces the usual ''Revolver''.
*'''The "Cloak and Dagger"''': A ''Cloaking Device'' replacement that allows you to remain invisible for as long as you want, so long as you stay still. Perfect for waiting for an opportunity and the "Locker Room" pervert. Does not tell time.
*'''The "Dead Ringer"''': When you're shot, you leave behind a fake corpse while going invisible. Replaces the ''Cloaking Device'', great brass pocketwatch finish! Used to tell time, but it broke.
*'''Wanga Prick''': A rather large voodoo-pin with the haunted ability to instantly steal the identity of whoever it kills! Yeah, works just like the Eternal Reward. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Community===
*'''L'Etranger''': A stylish revolver that extends the cloaking meter and regenerates it on every hit. Damn. He's gone faster than--*backstab*. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Your Eternal Reward''': Despite sacrificing the ability to disguise, this stylish knife kills silently and disguises the Spy as his victim. The hard part is trying to avoid being seen after uncloaking. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Conniver's Kunai''': Fandom rejoice as the fabled ninja weapon comes to the game! Though it heals the Spy through backstabs, he has less health to begin with. Use with caution. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Enforcer''': Deals extra damage for putting down anyone who catches you, especially those highly alert Pyros...so long as you can extinguish yourself easily afterwards. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Big Earner''': Gives cloak charge on a backstab, for efficient returning to the shadows. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Diamondback''': Not to be mistaken for a breed of snake, this ''Revolver'' gains crits for every building the Spy saps...oh hang on, Spah sappin' mah--! *shot with critical hit*
*'''Spy-cicle''': An icicle. Don't laugh yet. It might not look like much, but its backstab turns victims into ice. Also, if lit on fire, it provides protection against fire for 2 seconds, at the cost that the icicle melts and temporarily disarms him. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Promotion===
*'''Big Kill''': Functions the same as the Revolver, but is just a different skin. Nothing special.
*'''Enthusiast's Timepiece''': A Pac-man themed watch that you must murder the owner to obtain. It serves the same purpose of sneaking and "Glance And Go" but is built for the hardcore gamer in all of us. Does tell time, but not when in use by the Spy.
*'''Sharp Dresser''': A cleverly hidden knife in the sleeve. The preferred weapon of Spies of surprise.
*'''Black Rose''': The standard knife with rose patterns on the blade. For the lethal lover in every Spy...so many re-skins. Good God.
*'''Red-Tape Recorder''': Chinese ingenuity brings you a one-of-a-kind construction-reversing tape recorder for easy storage and transport of your buildings! (Not really. You just lost your sentry and it's free ammo for the Spy who put that recorder on it).
*'''Quäckenbirdt''': A German-developed watch with a picture of a duck on it. Go ahead and laugh if you must, but once he sneaks past you and backstabs you with it, you'll never want to go to the park ever again. We're not sure if it tells time or not.
*'''Ap-Sap''': A sentient AI Sapper developed by Aperture Science for the purpose of hacking into and destroying machinery. Provides countless hours of completely inconspicuous chit-chat to entertain you as you break contraptions and piss off Engineers.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Functions just like the ''Knife'', but a blunt golden hat-shaped end? Kills instantly? From behind? Mind = Blown.

Special Note: When the Spy wields L'Etranger and the Eternal Reward plus a hat called the "Familiar Fez" together, special particle effects appear when taunting.

==Quotes==
{{vid|LN4cRDEYalw}}
{{Vid|SnSzV_JdSz4}}
{{Vid|aSSsqoqrzZ4}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Gentlemen".}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"That would be your mother."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I am ze Spy."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And worst of all, he could be any one of us."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Ah, mon petit chou-fleur."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to visit your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I never really was on your side..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Cheers."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to rape your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?" *Laughs*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"[[You]] are such a virgin."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And I murdered [[Engineer|your]] toys, too!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be..." *Shot*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I have been shown, who is the boss!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, this was a disappointment..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Leave me hanging and you will regret it."}}
[[Image:Eg9860.gif|frame|right|The Spy always [[die]]s, [[you]] k[[no]]w.]]

==Trivia==
*Him and the blue [[Engineer]] are [[Gay|the best of lovers.]]
*Loves to sneak up behind unsuspecting [[Sniper|snipers]].
*Likes [[Engineer|SAPPIN' SENTRIES.]]
*Also likes corn.
*Was once an [[Africans|African.]]
*The RED Spy is the BLU [[Scout|Scout's]] father, as well as the genetic father of various others.
*Frequently produces [[pornography]] with your mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*Also stars in [[pornography]] with the [[Scout]]'s mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*He never really was on your side.
*He has sex with the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]] numerous times.
*Is especially cruel to everyone.
*Knows Scout's embarrassing secret: he cries upon seeing rainbows.
*Also knows a secret about [[Slippy Toad]] that could cost him his job if it got out.
*Not related to the two colour spies (White Spy and Black Spy) from Spy Vs. Spy, it was his favourite comic and game though.
*One of his ancestors was Napoleon.
*The BLU Spy's head currently resides inside of the [[Medic]]'s refrigerator, where he chain smokes all day, and begs for the Medic to kill him.
*He fluently speaks [[Spanish]] and [[Italian]].
*Interestingly, he knows how to build a [[Engineer|dispenser]].
*And now he's here to fuck us! OH SHI-

{{DEFAULTSORT:Spy}}
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Spies]]
[[Category:Dicks]]

Soldier

2013-12-21T00:23:38Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Concheror in accordance with the Smissmas 2013 update.

{{char}}
[[Image:Soldier.JPG|thumb|right|FARM]]
[[Image:Soldier2.jpg|thumb|right|The Soldier in his early days during [[Jason Everman|The 2Fort War]], nicknamed "[[Megaman|The Blue Bomber]]" during that time.]]
The Soldier is one of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]'s and [[Demoman]]'s [[gay]] soldier-[[love]]rs in [[Team Fortress 2]]. He is known to be one of [[Mama Luigi]]'s few weaknesses, due to excessive yelling and having an uncanny [[Bomb|explosion fetish]].

Cultural Heritage: A real [[America]]n.
===Arsenal===
*'''Rocket Launcher''': Fires rockets. If you're his unlucky victim it was more then likely a crit rocket.
*'''Shotgun''': Good God how many classes have a fucking shotgun as a secondary weapon?
*'''Shovel''': The very one which will eventually be used [[Die|to bury him]]. In the meantime it does a great job making people to bury.

====Update====
*'''Direct Hit''': Fires faster and more powerful rockets, but they have less splash damage, hence the name "Direct Hit." If you're his unlucky victim you were either in midair or a class with low health to begin with. Replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Buff Banner''': Rush the fort, maggots! If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter, you can toot your bugle, raise your flag and <s>surrender</s> your allies nearby will fire minicrits! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Equalizer''': As you take more damage, you become stronger when holding this...I don't get it either. Taunting with it involves [[Suicide|blowing himself up]]. Replaces the ''Shovel.''
*'''Gunboats''': Earned from winning the war against those pesky [[Demoman|Demomen]], these special armored boots are designed to reduce damage inflicted from rocketjumping and are also an essential tool [[Legend of Zelda|in several dungeons]]. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Rocket Jumper''': A basically useless rocket launcher that deals no damage, but it sure is great for practicing rocket jumping. Who needs jetpacks when you've got one of these babies?
*'''Cow Mangler 5000''': HOLY SHIT. This weapon's a REAL laser bazooka, designed for instant disintegration! Not needing ammo, this baby's charged shot can disable even Level 3 Sentries! Now how does that feel [[Spy]]? Not only that but you can show the [[Pyro]] how it's done by setting enemies hit by the blast on fire! While you try and contain that awesomeness, I'll tell you now it replaces the ''ROOW-KIT LAUNCHER!''
*'''Righteous Bison''': If you thought the Cow Mangler was awesome, check out this nifty ray gun! Enjoy listening to their screams of pain as your shots penetrate right through multiple enemies! Just to couple it with the Cow Mangler, this blaster replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Escape Plan''': A pickaxe just like the Equalizer but it increases speed as you take damage and marks you for death. It's an all-or-nothing risk. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Community====
*'''Pain Train''': A makeshift club made from a discarded Axtinguisher handle and an iron railroad spike, which inexplicably increases the wielder's capture rate. The Demoman can also wield this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Black Box''': This trusty rocket launcher originally used for blowing up tanks heals the Soldier on every successful hit trading off for a smaller clip size. Ok, how many classes have a way of healing themselves now? Replaces the ''RAW-KIT LAWNCHAIR''.
*'''Battalion's Backup''': If you can survive long enough to fill your rage meter this time, teammates are protected from crits and take less damage with extra resistance against sentries. Rally an almost invincible horde! Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Concheror''': What more vampire weapons? Anyway, dealing damage builds rage and when the seashell is blown, all nearby teammates heal some of the damage they deal and get a speed boost. Nothing like good old Japanese guile to rally the troops! Also has passive regenerating health to keep your warlord alive. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Half-Zatoichi''': Don't pull this katana out when you don't need it, because you can't swap to another weapon until you make a kill with this one. The Demoman can also use this...wait...are they just gonna battle sword to sword rather than capping the intelligence? Anywho, replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Mantreads''': The Soldier gets in on [[Mario]]'s act of Goomba stomping his enemies into oblivion with these damage dealing boots. Trust me. You're not gonna like being hit by a Rocket Stomp. Replaces the ''Shotgun''.
*'''Disciplinary Action''': Screw human rights! Whacking your men with this Riding Crop has proven to increase running speed of teammates into battle! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Liberty Launcher''': Fires faster rockets, but no splash damage penalty here. There is, however, an overall damage penalty. Regardless, you might as well go into a humiliation stance. Replaces the ''RAW-KIT''...wait. I think you already know what it replaces.
*'''Reserve Shooter''': Juggle 'em up with one rocket, shoot 'em down with the 3 second Mini-Crit bonus for airborne targets this new ''shotgun'' brings.
*'''Market Gardener''': This ''Shovel'' is lethal to other airborne targets when rocket jumping. No sticky jumper or FaN Scout should dare interrupt your graceful leap when you've got this baby!
*'''Beggar's Bazooka''': Can load up to three rockets for a barrage of destruction, like in Unreal Tournament! But they deviate in 3 different degrees of direction, like your launcher had one too many to drink. Also, careful not to overload or else it'll misfire, leaving you with a team full of laughter. Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Original''': Holy Shit Quotient is at its peak with this classic Rocket Launcher from Quake. Updated look, original sounds and...[[Yes|HOLY COW IN THE CENTRE OF THE SCREEN JUST LIKE OLD TIMES]]! Replaces the ''Rocket Launcher''. No I don't feel like doing that joke today.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Shovel''.

====Event====
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Shovel''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Shovel''.

Special Note: When the Soldier wields the Black Box and Battalion's Backup plus a hat called the "Grenadier's Softcap", he leaves a calling card on his victims. That useless tank of a maggot just got busted!

{{Vid|h42d0WHRSck}}
[[Image:Dc000iratethisthread.gif|frame|right|Aren't you persistent, Soldier?]]
{{vid|ilVMNr-MPSo}}

=== World War II ===
Though he wanted desperately to fight in World War II, the Soldier was rejected from every branch of the [[United States|U.S.]] military (including the [[Oshawott|Coast Guard]]). Undaunted, he bought his own ticket to [[Europe]]. After arriving and finally locating [[Poland]], the Soldier taught himself how to load and fire a variety of weapons before embarking on a [[Nazi]] [[Die|killing]] spree for which he was awarded several medals that he designed and made himself. His rampage ended immediately upon hearing about the end of the [[war]] in 1949.

=== Vietnam and 2Fort ===
He desperately wanted to fight in Vietnam as well, but still the Soldier was rejected from the military branches (Even if drafting was used.) This time he went to 2Fort, Texas instead to kill some other people. He was awarded the Medal of Honour by himself and was signed as head of the General of the Blue Team. It later turned out that the Red Team had more players and more points, so the Soldier switched like a bastard to the Red Team and has been fighting on it ever since.

==Quotes==
*"AND FROM THAT DAY FORTH, WHENEVER A BUNCH OF ANIMALS GOT TOGETHER, IT'S CALLED A ZOO!!"
*"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
*"HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT!"
*"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF [[Mama Luigi|EVERY]] [[Cd-i|SINGLE]] [[Chuck Norris|ONE]]."
*"[[Birds|SCREAMIN' EAGULS]]!"
*"You are all maggots, you s[[cum]] sucking fruit baskets!"
*"IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"
*"YOU ARE ALL DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED!"
*"That was an amazing [[Die|killing]] spree...BY THE OTHER TEAM!"
*"That [[Scout]] is a [[gay|faggot!]]"
*"[[Scotland]] is NOT a real country! You are an [[English]]man in a DRESS!"
*"(Mocks French Laughter) You're Dominated!"
*"Your white flag does not stop [[America]]n [[gun|bullets]]!"
*"C'mere Cupcake!"
*"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!"
*"This American boot just kicked your ass back to [[Russia]]!"
*"You are like the cyclops of Greek myth, except you are Scottish, AND I HATE YOU!"
*"GET A HAIRCUT HIPPIE! Just in case..."
*"You were good son, real good... maybe, even the best."
*"Godspeed, you magnificent bastard!"
*"We've [[no|failed]], men!"
*"WHICH OF YOU NUMB-NUTS LET US DOWN?!"
*"[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake!"
*"My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it!"
*"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear...or comfortable...in this costume!"
*"OH NO! THAT [[:Category:Robots|ROBOT]] IS A GHOST!"

==Trivia==
[[Image:SEXYSOLDIER.jpg|thumb|right|SEXY [[ASS|AS]] HELL]]
*He owns a '''FARM'''.
*Also owns a zoo. (Unless it's a farm.)
*He also has a fetish for pressing one a lot.
*One of his taunts is grenade, which involves him throwing his Equalizer to the ground, pulling out a grenade, pulling the pin, then [[Suicide|blowing himself up]], as well as everyone around him.
*The BLU Soldier goes under the alias ''Jane Doe'' and lives in an apartment in an undisclosed location. Until recently he was best pals with the RED [[Demoman]].
*Is rumored to be the evolved form of the [[Civilian]].
*Often paired with the [[Engineer]] in a line of cheap comedies known as Team Phailtress 324.
*Is one of the loudest characters in the world of YouTube Poop. Along with [[Haruhi]], [[Tidyup]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and possibly [[Super Robotnik]].
*Can do a [[Falcon Punch]], as exampled in this video.
*Enjoys knocking two grenades together, despite the obvious explosion hazard.
*He has two grenades where his [[balls|testicles]] should be. He lives in constant fear of someone pulling the pins.
*Is a great [[Insane Clown Posse|juggler.]]
*Also enjoys talking to decapitated heads, which may indicate that he has [[no]] friends.
*His voice actor did several roles in ''[[Star Fox]] 64'', including ''[[Wolf O'Donnell]]'', ''[[General Pepper]]'', ''[[Leon Powalski]]'', and ''[[Andross]]''.
*Can transform into the evil known as the "[[Penis|Painis]] Cupcake". God help us... God help us all!

==See Also==
*[[Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - American]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]

Medic

2013-12-21T00:17:03Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Amputator in accordance with the Two Cities Update.

{{char}}
[[Image:Uselessclass.jpg|thumb|right|A picture of the Medic.]]
[[Image:Medicupdate325.jpg|thumb|right|[[DIE|Auf Wiedersehen, Liebchen]].]]
[[Image:Medic_bomb.PNG|thumb|200px|Here we see the Medic seducing the Heavy to have sexual intercourse with him.]]
{{vid|36lSzUMBJnc}}
==Overview==
The medic is the man who you spam the E button with that never shows up to heal you. One of the 9 classes from the first person shooter PC game, [[Team Fortress 2]], he originates from the country of (West) [[Germany]], specifically in the town of Stuttgart. Some weapons used by the doc is the Medigun (healing dying morons), a gun that shoots syringes, and the bone saw that will SAW THROUGH YOUR BONES.

Though the Medic was originally enlisted in the Peace Corps. for deployment somewhere in [[Africa]], due to a technicality he found himself deployed with the RED team on ''cp_well'' in the middle of a huge battle, and has been trying to get himself out of it. However, after befriending the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]], he decided to stay with them.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Syringe Gun''': Fires syringes full of some [[Die|deadly]] compound, likely cyanide or arsenic.
*'''Medigun''': A wondrous portable device that allows him to heal his allies (and [[Spy|Spies]]), even up to 150% their normal health. Healing allies builds up the medic's "Ubercharge". When fully charged, it can be activated to make the Medic and the ally temporarily invincible, allowing the team opportunity to advance through enemy lines. How this wonderful healing technology works is still in question, but the better question is why these aren't being mass-produced for hospitals?
*'''Bonesaw''': The perfect tool for amputation ''and'' replacing a violin.
===Update===
*'''Blutsauger''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun'', when the needles hit the opponent, it somehow heals the Medic. Recommended for the more aggressive "Battle-Medic".
*'''KritzKrieg''': Replacing the ''Medigun'', it heals the same way the Medigun would, though when charged instead of invulnerability it gives the healed ally critical hits throughout the charge. Oh, I get it! Kritz, Crits...yeah.
*'''Ubersaw''': The perfect tool for amputation ''and'' giving 25% Ubercharge for every cut he makes ''and'' replacing the ''Bonesaw''.
*'''Quick-Fix''': Replaces the ''Medigun'' and is in fact a prototype of it. Although it does not provide invincibility, it does heal at three times the normal rate and any movement-impairing effects are nullified on Ubercharge. It also has the inexplicable power of making the Medic run as fast as his heal target...wait...Scout and Medic...Oh crap.
*'''Solemn Vow''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This bust of Hippocrates contains the mysterious ability to show the Medic the health of his enemies. If that's too good for you, let me tell you that you need EIGHT Jarates and some metal to make this (and don't tell me how that works either!). It says "Do No Harm" on it as well. Oh the irony!
*'''Overdose''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun'' and is in fact a prototype of it. This model is linked to the medical pack giving movement speed increase based on the amount of Ubercharge you have...up to 10% maximum.
*'''Conscientious Objector''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)!
===Community===
*'''Vita-Saw''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This needle-like saw retains 20% of a Medic's ubercharge when he's killed. Surprise headshots or backstabs before unleashing an ubercharge won't be so humiliating now.
*'''Crusader's Crossbow''': Replaces the ''Syringe Gun''. Now long distance healing is possible, as the syringes heal teammates and are more lethal to enemies at great distances. There's few syringes though so use sparingly.
*'''Amputator''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. A taunt magically heals your teammates, but keep the room clear of enemies to avoid dying mid-taunt. Now also provides regenerating health (while out) at the cost of taking extra damage.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't.
*'''Vaccinator''': Replaces the ''Medigun''. Designed for tactical Medics, the Vaccinator offers him and his heal target resistance against a selected type of damage (bullet, explosive, fire). Need to handle that incoming Heavy? There's a resistance for that. Angry Pyro inbound? There's a resistance for that. The Ubercharge bar is also sliced into four two-second separate Ubercharges, which increase resistance. Adapt your Ubercharges by changing the resistance for each one to the enemy accordingly! Even cover your own escape with it! Give grenades and stickies the middle finger as you flee to safety! Quickly though. Ubercharge is lost depending on how much damage is done.

===Promotion===
*'''Frying Pan''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw'' and goes CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon.
*'''Freedom Staff''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. It's a staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal.
*'''Ham Shank''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon?

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights!
*'''Memory Maker''': Replaces the ''Bonesaw''. Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it!

Special Note: When the Medic wields the Crusader's Crossbow and the Amputator, the Medic regenerates health in seconds.

[[Image:NotMedic.jpg|thumb|left|270px|Stephen Colbert dreams of the day he can become medic.]]

==Quotes==
*"Sie Teleporter goes here!"
*"Prepare for [[you]]r [[Arse|examination!]]"
*"Sie [[Spy]] ist a Double <s>[[African|Nigger]]</s> Agent!"
*"[[You]] Are... SCHTUPID!!"
*"Oops! Das vas not medicine!"
*"Danke, [[Retard|dumköpfe]]."
*"Sie healing ist not as rewarding as sie hurting!"
*"You are trying my patience!"
*"Vunderbach!"
*"Vould you like a second opinion? You are also UGLY!"
*"[[Yes|Jawohl]]."
*"OKTOBERFEST!!!"
*"Welcome to the "we lose once again" fest..."
*"Zis is UNACCEPTABLE!"
*"I AM SIE [[Superman|ÜBERMENSCH]]!"
*"'Ello, [[:Category:Characters - Female|fräuleins]]!"
*"Don't be such a baby. Ribs grow back... *whispering*[[No]], zey don't..."

==Trivia==
{{VidCaption|mAEmnNvabm0|Medic shows his incredible dancing skills.}}
*Once acted in a German porno involving two puppies.
*He has found the cure to the common cold.
*He's got mad dancing skillz, as seen in the video to the right.
*Is madly in love with the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].
*Despite this, he apparently has a wife, according to the [[Demoman]]. However, this can be ignored because the [[Demoman]] is always drunk, and thus is an unsuitable source of information.
*Once had [[gay]] [[sex]] with the [[Spy]]. The Medic only did it as he thought the Spy was [[Heavy]], until after the incident had occurred. When questioned all the Medic had to say was "The Heavy is a Spy!"
*He likes to thank [[Engineer|hard hatted friends]] for their good work.
*During World War II, the Medic served in the Heer of the Wehrmacht on the eastern front as a, well, medic.
*He was voted homecoming [[King]] in High School and his Queen was [[Zelda]].
*Has the same voice actor as [[Travis Touchdown]] from the No More Heroes games.
*Enjoys festivals and going to them (His favourite being [[Beer|Oktoberfest]]), with the exception of the ''We-Lose-Once-Again Fest.''
*Heavy won't let him do anything.
*Keeps a whole flock of [[Birds|doves]] as pets. One of them is suitably named Archimedes.
*Is the [[Superman|übermensch]].
[[:Image:Medic and Mrs by humon1.jpg|The Medic and his wife at dinner.]]
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Doctors]]
[[Category:Characters - German]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Gay Characters]]
[[Category:Insane Characters]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

Scout

2013-12-21T00:12:13Z

Yueenode: /* Community */ Adjusted the Baby Face's Blaster in accordance with the Two Cities Update.

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Scout
|image=Tf2 scout.jpg|180px|center
‎|name=Scout
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|occupation=Scout
|cast=Nathan Vetterlein}}
The Scout originates from the video game [[Team Fortress 2]], but was born in South Boston, Massachusetts.

He is capable of [[Sonic|running at high speeds]] and also somehow is capable of [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl|jumping once in midair]].

===His Singing===
The Scout is known to sing a number of tunes using only the simple word "BONK", despite the fact that many are unaware of its meaning. We've narrowed it down to a few likely possibilities:
*An acronym that stands for something.
*A secret code word only the known by the cast of TF2.
*A word that he says due to autism or Tourette's.
*His energy drink that he subliminally advertises.
*An onomatopoeia that has the same affect as other similar words like "BOOM".
*A thing that doesn't make real sense to society at all.

Honestly, though, who really cares?

===Relationships===
He has been known to be an arch-rival of [[Heavy Weapons Guy]] stemming from an incident at Granary. No one has caught him to this very day, and he is wanted for Armed Murder and Grand Theft Sandwich. There aren't many female scouts, so he is currently single. However, his mom has been known for dating and having [[sex]]ual relations with the [[Spy]]. OOOH, Faced!

===Arsenal===
====Basic====
*'''Scattergun''': A semi-automatic shotgun, deadly at close range.
*'''Pistol''': A...pistol, yeah. Nothing special here, move along.
*'''Bat''': His metal [[baseball]] [[Penis|bat]], signed with the forged signatures of [[The Overture|Babe Ruth]], [[Nintendo|Ken Griffey Jr.]] and Hank Aaron. Is caked in [[Dry Bones|dri]]ed blood.

====Update====
*'''Force-A-Nature''': A hunting shotgun that knocks around everything like crazy. Replaces the ''Scattergun'', but it forces the Scout to be less aggressive in his tactics, as it can only fire twice before needing a reload.
*'''BONK! Energy Drink''': Fucks with your atomic structure, making you invincible for a few seconds. Doesn't taste too good, either. Replaces the ''Pistol.''
*'''[[Mr. Sandman|Sandman]]''': A [[Penis|wooden]] [[baseball]] [[dick|bat]] that can stun opponents by swinging a ball at them before the Scout moves in and gets an easy kill. Aren't you supposed to walk the base when you get hit with the ball? Jesus, what has this sport become? Anyhow, replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Conscientious Objector''': You are now a conscientious objector to being DEAD, thanks to this protest sign with which you can put on ANY IMAGE and I mean ANY IMAGE (Provided you have the tool)! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Unarmed Combat''': A ripped-off [[Spy]]'s arm that lends a HAND to a humiliating ARM KILL! Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Community====
*'''Crit-A-Cola''': Also fucks with your atomic structure, but instead granting you Mini-Crits for a brief period, but on the down side, you take extra damage. Still doesn't taste good. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Shortstop''': A more accurate but smaller clip size peppergun for marksmanship Scouts. Grants bonus healing but a high vulnerability to push forces, and so leaves the careless runt being blown away by enemy fire if not careful. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Mad Milk''': New vampire method confirmed! When this bottle of milk is thrown at enemies, covers them in milk and you shoot them, you heal three quarters of the damage you deal. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Holy Mackerel''': A fish in a newspaper with one purpose: Performing the most humiliating (to your enemies) death possible. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Boston Basher''': The ultimate self-torture device. Scout's just bleeding his health out, unless he's hitting his opponents that is. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Candy Cane''': It's raining health! For every kill, the Scout is prized with a health pack, but those Demomen could really rack up some good kills with the explosive vulnerability increase. Replaces the ''Bat.''
*'''Fan O'War''': It might look like a ridiculous weapon but one hit from this marks the victim for a one-way trip to [[The Pit]], i.e. [[die|death]], and so all damage to the victim is Mini-Crits. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Soda Popper''': Powered by Crit-A-Cola and charged into Mini-Crit Mode by running, this Scattergun blasts your enemies into next week as soon as you ARRIVE into battle! For the "on-the-go" kind of killer. Replaces the ''Scattergun''.
*'''Winger''': Contains radioactive bullets which strike into enemy flesh for greater damage, and increases jump height to enable the Scout to 'wing it'. Usually reskinned by bronies into the colors of Rainbow Dash's [[Ass|Flank]]. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Atomizer''': The Scout once poured his Atomic Punch all over his ''bat''. The result? A freakin' TRIPLE JUMP! Not only that but the BONK! Logo magically appeared on the ''Bat''! Downside however: The third jump deals damage to the Scout. Why does he get all the masochist's weapons?
*'''Wrap Assassin''': Improvised from a roll of wrapping paper and a bauble, the Scout bats the bauble and its shards cause serious bleeding to the target. Who knew Christmas decorations could be so dangerous? Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol''': A pistol that cancels out fall damage for extra maneuverability. No flies on this Boston bad boy, except for a fire damage vulnerability. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Baby Face's Blaster''': GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER thanks to the double speed running boost you can build with this new ''Scattergun''! Make sure you don't need to jump, or else the boost charge is lost by a bit each time.
*'''Bat Outta Hell''': This gruesome skull on a spine gives new meaning to the word "headbanging" as you whack your enemies with it! In fact, you can make this weapon by tearing out your own skull and spine...actually, don't. Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Promotion====
*'''Frying Pan''': CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG. That about sums up this weapon. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Sun-On-A-Stick''': Direct from the depths of [[The Pit|Hell]] comes Satan's personal toilet plunger (or so the Scout thinks) which goes great with people already on fire, but not so much with those who aren't. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Three-Rune Blade''': The Scout recently took up swordsmanship starting with this wolf-themed sword, but he'll need more practice if he keeps bleeding out health with every miss. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Flying Guillotine''': A throwable meat cleaver. Built for chopping meat at home, built for chopping chuckleheads on the battlefield. Replaces the ''Pistol''.
*'''Freedom Staff''': A staff with a golden eagle on top. Originally used by Kofi Annan to beat many a great dictator's head in, it has since been stolen and is for some reason now in the TF2 team's arsenal. Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Ham Shank''': [[Heavy Weapons Guy|Don't run! It's just ham!]] No! It really is! Who knew that such a mass of meat could be a useful bludgeon? Replaces the ''Bat''.

====Event====
*'''Lugermorph''': Yeah another pistol, except the Scout stole this one off a [[Sam and Max|certain police rabbit]]. Does NOT do anything differently compared to the normal ''Pistol''. By the way, just slap the back of it to get more ammo. Yeah, I don't know either because screw animations.
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Replaces the ''Bat''.
*'''Memory Maker''': Given only to those who made the finals of the Second Saxxy Awards, this camera makes the ideal dual-purpose video capture device: For bludgeoning people with it and recording a video of you bludgeoning people with it! Replaces the ''Bat''.

Special Note: When the Scout wields the Shortstop, Mad Milk, Holy Mackerel and a hat called the "Milkman", he leaves a calling card on his victims. There's this week's delivery

===Catchphrases===
{{vid|geNMz0J9TEQ}}
*EAT IT FATTY
*BONK
*BOINK
*BOMP
*YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO [[Ganon|MY FACE]], TOUGH GUY?
*WHOOOOO!
*YO, WASSUP?
*LISTEN BUDDY, GRASS GROWS, BIRDS FLY, SUN SHINES, AND BRUDDA, I HURT PEOPLE.
*I'M A FORCE OF NATURE.
*AW, MAN, LOOK AT THAT, BEAUTIFUL.
*I DUNNO WHERE TO START WITH YOU.
*DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?
*BASICALLY, KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
*AW, [[Shit|CRAP]]!
*THIS IS A REAL [[Fucking|FRIGGIN']] EMBARRASSMENT!
*IF YOU WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD.
*LOOK AT THIS. JUST CAVED IN YOUR SKULL, MY BAT'S STILL DRY. NO CLUMPS OF HAIR, NOTHING!
*I. EAT. YOUR. SANDWICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!
*NEED A [[Engineer|DISPENSER]] HERE!!
*"YEAH, I DARE YA! RAGEQUIT! COME ON, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY!"
*[[No|I AM PANCAKES]]!
*[[You|YOU]] [[No|ARE]] [[Pancakes|PANCAKES]]!
*SANDWICHES SUCK!
*DROP DEAD AND GIVE ME PANCAKES!
*HOME FREAKIN' PANCAKES!
*I. EAT. YOUR. PANCAKES! YOUR. SALAD! I EAT 'EM ALL!! WHOO-HOOO-HOOOOOOO!
*IF YOU EAT PANCAKES, I'LL THROW IN 20 SANDWICHES ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
*MY BLOOD!! HE [[Punch-Out!!|PUNCHED OUT]] ALL MY BLOOD!!
*THIS SUCKS!
*WE ARE SCREWED!
*POP QUIZ, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT A MORON TO DEATH? BZZZZ! SORRY TIME'S UP YOU'RE DEAD.
*LET'S WASTE 'EM!
*IF YOU WAS FROM WHERE I WAS FROM, YOU'D BE [[Fucking|BLEEPIN']] DEAD.
*I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA! I'M GONNA HEADBUTT'CHA!
[[Image:Scoutcivilian.png|frame|right|This retarded version of the Scout is actually a [[Civilian]] in disguise.]]
[[File:Nosnivythatisscout.jpg|thumb|right|The Scout gets eaten by [[Snivy]].]]

===Likes===
*Sandwiches
*Bonking
*Bonking till his wrist hurts.
*Pancakes
*The Boston Red Sox
*[[Baseball]]

===Dislikes===
* [[Heavy Weapons Guy]]
* Bob Saget
* Sandviches
* Large women (unlike his mom).
* [[Pornography]] starring his mother.
* The [[New York]] Yankees

===Trivia===
*Is literally a bastard.
*He likes to sing.
*Is <s>somewhat of</s> a wigger.
*Once said "YEAH WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SAY THAT TO MY DICK, TUFF GAL. BAWNK!"
*Always wears a hat with a microphone and headset, as he works a part-time job delivering [[pizza]].
*Rainbows make him cry. The only other person who can confirm this is the [[Spy]].
*May have been an advertiser before he became a person in [[Team Fortress 2]].
*When he watched [[Pickle Surprise]], he actually '''laughed''' like a motherfucker. If he ever saw other peoples reactions to it, he'd laugh even harder!

===Additional [[Link]]s===
*The game that <s>I'm</s> he's in: [[Team Fortress 2]].
*That fatass piece of shit known as the [[Heavy Weapons Guy]].

[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Spy

2013-07-11T08:10:13Z

Yueenode: /* Arsenal */ Updated weapon descriptions to reflect July 2013 update. Set bonus has changed as well.

{{CharBox
|name=Spy
|image=Tf2_spy.jpg‎
|shows=[[Team Fortress 2]]
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=36
|occupation=Spy/Agent
|cast=Dennis Bateman
|nationality=French
}}{{Char}}

==Overview==
The Spy is one of the nine classes featured in the Valve game, [[Team Fortress 2]]. Some of his weapons include a knife, revolver, sapper (SPYS SAPPIN MAH SENTRY), and cigarettes used to disguise as the opposite team's classes... before the [[Pyro]] flames his ass.

==Arsenal==
===Basic===
*'''Revolver''': A slow-firing, but rather powerful and accurate version of the usual pistol. Doubles for a dildo.
*'''Sapper''': This device can attach to and slowly destroy an [[Engineer]]'s buildings and can also be used as a Defibrillator if necessary.
*'''Knife''': A butterfly knife bought at the [[Morshu|dollar store]], the preferred weapon of Spies.
*'''Disguise Kit''': Allows the Spy to transform into his enemies, and successfully pull off identity theft.
*'''Cloaking Device''': A convenient device in the form of a watch that temporarily cloaks you, great for sneaking past opponents and for the "Glance and Go" pervert. Unfortunately does not tell time.

===Update===
*'''The Ambassador''': A diplomat from France in the form of a revolver sent to aid the Spy in blowing people's heads off. Crits on accurate headshot, But fires slower and does less damage. Replaces the usual ''Revolver''.
*'''The "Cloak and Dagger"''': A ''Cloaking Device'' replacement that allows you to remain invisible for as long as you want, so long as you stay still. Perfect for waiting for an opportunity and the "Locker Room" pervert. Does not tell time.
*'''The "Dead Ringer"''': When you're shot, you leave behind a fake corpse while going invisible. Replaces the ''Cloaking Device'', great brass pocketwatch finish! Used to tell time, but it broke.
*'''Wanga Prick''': A rather large voodoo-pin with the haunted ability to instantly steal the identity of whoever it kills! Yeah, works just like the Eternal Reward. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Community===
*'''L'Etranger''': A stylish revolver that extends the cloaking meter and regenerates it on every hit. Damn. He's gone faster than--*backstab*. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Your Eternal Reward''': Despite sacrificing the ability to disguise, this stylish knife kills silently and disguises the Spy as his victim. The hard part is trying to avoid being seen after uncloaking. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Conniver's Kunai''': Fandom rejoice as the fabled ninja weapon comes to the game! Though it heals the Spy through backstabs, he has less health to begin with. Use with caution. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Enforcer''': Deals extra damage for putting down anyone who catches you, especially those highly alert Pyros...so long as you can extinguish yourself easily afterwards. Replaces the ''Revolver''.
*'''Big Earner''': Gives cloak charge on a backstab, for efficient returning to the shadows. Replaces the ''Knife''.
*'''Diamondback''': Not to be mistaken for a breed of snake, this ''Revolver'' gains crits for every building the Spy saps...oh hang on, Spah sappin' mah--! *shot with critical hit*
*'''Spy-cicle''': An icicle. Don't laugh yet. It might not look like much, but its backstab turns victims into ice. Also, if lit on fire, it provides protection against fire for 2 seconds, at the cost that the icicle melts and temporarily disarms him. Replaces the ''Knife''.

===Promotion===
*'''Big Kill''': Functions the same as the Revolver, but is just a different skin. Nothing special.
*'''Enthusiast's Timepiece''': A Pac-man themed watch that you must murder the owner to obtain. It serves the same purpose of sneaking and "Glance And Go" but is built for the hardcore gamer in all of us. Does tell time, but not when in use by the Spy.
*'''Sharp Dresser''': A cleverly hidden knife in the sleeve. The preferred weapon of Spies of surprise.
*'''Black Rose''': The standard knife with rose patterns on the blade. For the lethal lover in every Spy...so many re-skins. Good God.
*'''Red-Tape Recorder''': Chinese ingenuity brings you a one-of-a-kind construction-reversing tape recorder for easy storage and transport of your buildings! (Not really. You just lost your sentry and it's free ammo for the Spy who put that recorder on it).
*'''Quäckenbirdt''': A German-developed watch with a picture of a duck on it. Go ahead and laugh if you must, but once he sneaks past you and backstabs you with it, you'll never want to go the park ever again. We're not sure if it tells time or not.
*'''Ap-Sap''': A sentient AI Sapper developed by Aperture Science for the purpose of hacking into and destroying machinery. Provides countless hours of completely inconspicuous chit-chat to entertain you as you break contraptions and piss off Engineers.

===Event===
*'''Saxxy''': Only a select few received this coveted statuette of good old [[Saxton Hale|Saxton]] said to have been carved by King Midas/Sauron specially for the Saxxy Awards replay contest. Now MORE people are turning their enemies into gold and holding bragging rights! Functions just like the ''Knife'', but a blunt golden hat-shaped end? Kills instantly? From behind? Mind = Blown.

Special Note: When the Spy wields L'Etranger and the Eternal Reward plus a hat called the "Familiar Fez" together, special particle effects appear when taunting.

==Quotes==
{{vid|LN4cRDEYalw}}
{{Vid|SnSzV_JdSz4}}
{{Vid|aSSsqoqrzZ4}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Gentlemen".}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"That would be your mother."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I am ze Spy."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And worst of all, he could be any one of us."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Ah, mon petit chou-fleur."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to visit your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I never really was on your side..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Cheers."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, off to rape your mother!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"What's the matter? Fat got your tongue?" *Laughs*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"[[You]] are such a virgin."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"This is Scout, rainbows make me cry!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"And I murdered [[Engineer|your]] toys, too!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"He could be in this very room! He could be you, he could be me, he could even be..." *Shot*}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"I have been shown, who is the boss!"}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Well, this was a disappointment..."}}
{{poopquote|Spy|"Leave me hanging and you will regret it."}}
[[Image:Eg9860.gif|frame|right|The Spy always [[die]]s, [[you]] k[[no]]w.]]

==Trivia==
*Him and the blue [[Engineer]] are [[Gay|the best of lovers.]]
*Loves to sneak up behind unsuspecting [[Sniper|snipers]].
*Likes [[Engineer|SAPPIN' SENTRIES.]]
*Also likes corn.
*Was once an [[Africans|African.]]
*The RED Spy is the BLU [[Scout|Scout's]] father, as well as the genetic father of various others.
*Frequently produces [[pornography]] with your mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*Also stars in [[pornography]] with the [[Scout]]'s mother. What a [[fucking]] whore.
*He never really was on your side.
*He has sex with the [[Administrator (Team Fortress 2)|Administrator]] numerous times.
*Is especially cruel to everyone.
*Knows Scout's embarrassing secret: he cries upon seeing rainbows.
*Also knows a secret about [[Slippy Toad]] that could cost him his job if it got out.
*Not related to the two colour spies (White Spy and Black Spy) from Spy Vs. Spy, it was his favourite comic and game though.
*One of his ancestors was Napoleon.
*The BLU Spy's head currently resides inside of the [[Medic]]'s refrigerator, where he chain smokes all day, and begs for the Medic to kill him.
*He fluently speaks [[Spanish]] and [[Italian]].
*Interestingly, he knows how to build a [[Engineer|dispenser]].
*And now he's here to fuck us! OH SHI-

{{DEFAULTSORT:Spy}}
[[Category:Team Fortress 2]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Spies]]
[[Category:Dicks]]