Chewiki Archive - YouChew - User contributions [en]

Ganon

2015-07-23T14:38:40Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Ganon
|image=Ganons lair37.jpg‎
|caption=Ganon's IQ lowers dramatically in this picture. It practically [[DIE]]D.
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=55
|occupation=Evil Sorcerer/Emperor
|cast=[[Donkey Kong|Takashi Nagasako]], Hironori Miyata, Len Carlson, Mark Berry
|nationality=German
}}
[[image:Your_face.gif|thumb|Ganon saying, "Your Face!"]]
[[Image:Firestone_lake13.jpg|thumb|right|Ganon, preparing to eat the cameraman.]]
Ganon's a king! - [[Link]]

Ganon is an evil sorcerer from the [[Zelda]] games. His name was misspelled as Gannon in the [[CD-i]] games, as well as the original [[Nintendo|NES game]]. Ganon tried to take over KoriDIE and [[Gamelon]] with his evil minions but failed due to [[Link]] (and later, Zelda) trapping him in [[The Pit]]. Ganon has frequently made deals with Link to "make [his] face the greatest in Kori[[DIE]]". This was however mistook by many people, including Link, as this phrase is actually Ganon's way of asking for head. Ganon had an airforce in his lair but was destroyed by Mario when he used [[Goku|kamehameha]] in Ultimania.

[[Ganondorf]] from the N64, GameCube, and [[Wii]] Zelda games is his human form.

==Skills/Personality==
In the Zelda CD-i games, Ganon is an extremely weak last boss (the weakest last boss in the history of weak), as he dies in one hit when you throw a book at him. Ganon's favorite word is [[DIE]], and he loves to kill things with his thunder attacks (namely, [[Bolt3]]), which have a range of about three inches. Other than that, he shoots flaming skulls for some unknown reason, likely having to do with how his father was a drinker and discouraged throwing flaming skulls in the house. He also loves to just say the word DIE, and make a [[Retard|retarded]] face. It is to be noted that his face is currently the greatest in KoriDIE. It was found out recently that he is a doctor; A news article called him "Dr. Brian Gannon".

Ganon loves to insist that you DIE, and he will be very persistent about it, saying "You must DIE!" over and over again. According to Fat Mario, the proper response is "NO". However, if Ganon says "You must DIE!.....or else you will DIE!", there is no avoiding your fate... unless you call upon the Gods of [[No]] and use their power to kill Ganon once and for all. Unfortunently, the chances of success on this is 0.0000000000000001%.

Ganon, like Eric Cartman, thinks it's hilarious that people soil themselves when they DIE. This is one of the reasons he likes death so much.

Ganon has 2 brothers. They are [[Black Shadow]] and [[Big Cheese]].

Cultural Heritage: Germany

Power Level: WHAT 9,000?
[[Image:Sexy.jpg|frame|right|One of Ganon's better known uncles.]]
== Likes ==
*Link
*1000 Ways To Die
*[[Death]]
*[[Megadeth]]
*[[Gwonam]]
*Seizing the island of [[Koridai]]..........OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...
*[[Tepig]] and its evolutions, especially Emboar.
*Gangam Style

==Legal Issues==
====The Ganon Jr. Case====
Apparently, Ganon and [[Pregnant Zelda|Zelda]] had sex during the course of Poops being made and resulted in [[Ganon Jr.]] Legal custody is being fought over at the hand of Judge Judy. Later, Ganon and Zelda would have another baby, Zeldanon.

====Noise Violations====
Ganon is a die hard fan of [[Dethklok]], a death metal band. He likes to play it loudly in his lair. [[Gwonam]] who lives in a house nearby often has seizures because of Ganon's loud music. Lawsuits are currently being filed because of this. Ganon is also a big fan of Megadeth a thrash metal band, his favorite song being 99 Ways to Die. He likes to sing along to it which has caused more noise violations.
{{vid|7PgZR40WhPA}}

====Controversy With [[Sam Pak]]====
Ganon has had times where he has issues with the Appliance Direct guy. Apparently, he wants to have the power of [[Wakkie Nu Nu]] all to himself, but Sam Pak wants him to get one of his special washing machines so that way, he could save money for his retirement. A legal inspection is currently happening for this recurring argument.
[[Image:Ganons lair35.jpg|thumb|right|Ganon when horny.]]
{{VidCaption|6Jxw_xae0Cc|Ganon in Giygas form.}}
[[Image:Picture14-4.png|frame|What does Ganon have to say to the deaf?]]
==See Also==
*[[Ganondorf]] (The human [[form|version]] of Ganon that's seen much more often in video games than him.)
[[Category:CD-i]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Ganon|DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Join me, [[Link]], and I will make your face the gglrrreatest in [[Koridai]], or else you will DIIIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You dare bring light to my lair?! YOU MUST DIE! *(Strikes [[Zelda]] with lightning bolts [[Cum|coming]] from his hands.)}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NO! Not into [[The Pit]]! It BUURNS!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Aaarrgh! The chains! Nooooo! [[You]] haven't seen the last of me!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Your face!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You are my prisoner!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|SILENCE!! [[Hektad|Hectan]], keep the runt in chains.}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|YOUR FACE WILL DIE AND BURN IN THE PIT!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NO!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NOOOOO!!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|In the DARKEST nightmare hour, when not [[moon]] nor sun has risen...I take [[Zelda]] in my power. I shall KEEP her in my prison!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You must die..... or else you will die!!!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|But [[Majora's Mask|you're]] gonna destroy us all! Including yourself!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|OOH, WHOA!! MY HAND!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|My [[cum]] will burn!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Back.}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I shall rape Zelda!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|The racist will DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Shit is the GRRRREATEST!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I will make your face DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I shall join you!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|My [[cum|SPERRRRMMMM]] will BURRRRRRNNN your [[boobs|tits]]!}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Ganon}}
[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Evil Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

Morshu

2015-07-16T14:02:08Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}{{CharBox
|name=Morshu von Hundinberg
|image=Goronu4.jpg
|shows=Link: Faces of Evil, Sonic Unleashed?
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=61
|occupation=Shopkeep, Small Business Owner, Restaurant Manager
|cast=
|nationality=German
}}
[[Image:Morshu.jpg‎|thumb|270px.|right|You want it?]]

The man who is found in ''[[Link: Faces of Evil]]''. A local merchant, his real name is Morshu Hundenbilg, but prefers to be called "Malfunctioning Bubba", in rememberence of his college years. Also mistaken for Tim Wonnacott.

His main products include lamp oil, rope, and bombs, among other "[[sex|things]]". He also acts like a jerk to people who aren't rich enough to buy things. All payments for his wares must be made up front, since he can't give credit.

He has a secret food stash in his shop. He doesn't sell the food so he can eat it himself, hence his large size. Another reason for his weight is because he has an unhealthy habit of eating [[bombs]]. He was also the lead singer of ''The Cure'' for two months, although there is no record of this.

Cultural Heritage: Germany

==History==
[[Image:MorshuCOD.PNG|frame|right|Morshu as he appears on the cover art of A Confederacy of Dunces.]]

Morshu's parents, Franz and Eidelwiess Hundinbilg, immigrated to [[Koridai]] in 1936. Three years later, Edielwiess Hundinberg gave birth to Morshu's older brother, Shastock. Shastock, however, had complications with the Spanish flu, and died due to an overdose of penicillin at 19 years of age.

In an attempt to start a family again(Franz and Eidelwiess were only 12 when they were married, as per Gamelon custom), they then gave birth to Morshu. Morshu, early in his life, showed a great capacity for wild hand gesticulations and dramatic close-ups. Seeing the potential, his parents put Morshu in an apprenticeship with the then-leading merchant of Koridai, [[Goronu]].

Morshu, however, soon grew so skilled in the art of shopkeeping, that he overcame Goronu, who grew exceedingly jealous of Morshu's skills. Goronu soon approached [[Ganon]], whom he traded his soul to for the ultimate in shop-keeping powers. Using his newfound strength, Goronu attacked Morshu's shop in an attempt to rid himself of the troublesome pupil. However, on the way, Goronu got jock itch, and had to leave in order to deal with the tremendous pain. Morshu, seeing his oppurtunity, opened up a chain of stores in Goronu's absence, becoming the third wealthiest man in Koridai (behind [[Harlequin]] and [[Gwonam]]). In 1967, he opened [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], which became a very successful restaurant, catering to the then college seniors, The King, and Duke Onkled. The place was well known for it's well cooked meals and Morshu's great singing. It closed in 1985, when the techno craze started, because Morshu was afraid to use anything that was a computer. He sold the restaurant to some guy named Rick for 200,000 ruppees and 50 cans of lamp oil.

With his newfound wealth, Morshu lead a consistantly opulent lifestyle, feasting regularly on Arpagos eggs and pure fat. He also gained even more income by regularly supplying the one thing [[The King]] always strived for: Child pornography.

Unfortunately for Morshu, the KBG, upon finding Morshu directly linked to the child pornography ring in Koridai, descended upon Morshu and managed to foreclose most of his chain stores. To compund to his problems, Goronu recovered from jock itch, and was "itching" for revenge. Morshu, faced with so many problems, had to declare bankruptcy and foreclose on all of his properties.

By the time [[Link]] reaches Koridai, Morshu is a shadow of his former self. Only controlling the market on Lamp Oil, Rope, Bombs, et all, he is in a dire state, so much that he is no longer able to give credit, due to Goronu's strong-men continually harassing him. He says that Link must pay full-price for all goods, but he really is willing to take anything, any contribution Link offers.

Upon the defeat of Goronu by Link, Morshu is able to open a parlor on the side to earn a little bit of extra income. It turns to be a great success, though only after making the parlor an underground meeting-place for Gwonam's drug cartels. .

Morshu finally passed away in 1997 due to heart problems contracted from cholosterol problems. He is survived by 16 children out of wedlock. He also has a distant cousin named I. Fleecem. The two were good friends back in the 1950's. Morshu worked as Fleecem's apprentice and learned all about how to run a good buisness before becoming Goronu's apprentice. Fleecem however made the mistake of offering people credit instead of full payments. In 1947, he sold the King lamp oil, rope, dinner, and a ship on credit. 61 years later, the King still refuses to pay. This event is partly why Morshu could never give credit, as he thought that the King would refuse to pay him as well.

Morshu was released from [[The Pit]] after some time, partially due to a lack of space in The Pit. He immediately returned to his store, and now has a job making music in addition to being a shopkeep.

Morshu once unsuccessfully did a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkcfgMUlyGg], "About you Now"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACCsSpEbuAc], and "Headphones On"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxoBGtF2UCo].
{{vid|avL4_WiIS9U}}

===Morshu in ''Sonic Unleashed''?===

An Ice Cream salesman, in Sonic Unleashed, looks a lot like Morshu. Many people spectulated that the Ice Cream seller IS Morshu, but with a little different job and different products.

===Usage===

Despite having only two lines of dialogue throughout the entirety of [[Link: Faces of Evil]], Morshu has always been a staple in the world of YouTube Poop. He is particularly recognized for the "Mmmmm..." sound that he makes while in deep thought, but words like "rope" and "[[bombs]]" have also become synonymous with the tubby shopkeeper. He is very prevalent in a few [[YTPMV]]s.
{{VidCaption|EHLSX_O9KqY|Morshu already made something that nobody else did, yet.}}

==Notable Poops==
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SquKH5w1uc All About the Shopkeep]'' by JacksonJunior101, was one of the first major Morshu poops.
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKKiMRr2IQE Morshu Breaks Out in Song]'', by FromTheGang, is one of the more notable Morshu YTPMVs, and one of the earlier ones.
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp4ljo8ejao The Morshu Show]''The Morshu Show, by [[themorshushow]], is a popular series featuring the wacky adventures of this fat, fat man.

==Also Known As==
[[Image:DeviantPOOP Morshu s an Ass by DrSVH.png|thumb|Morshu in a deleted scene.]]
* The Shopkeep
* The Shopkeeper
* [[Goronu]], due to a mistake by [[Gwonam]] or the viewer.
* Malfunctioning Bubba
* Fat Guy
* MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* [[James Bond]] (This name comes from his alter-ego.)
{{VidCaption|BEj9QOEXV8s|Morshu being a dick as usual.}}

==See Also==
* [[Link: Faces of Evil]]
* [[Goronu]]
* [[Ushrom]], the shopkeeper of [[Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon]]

==Trivia==
* Sometimes, he wants you to give up for [[no]] apparent reason.
* He also thinks that the new [[Xbox 360|Xbox]] sucks.
* His favourite song is "MMM MMM MMM MMM" by The Crash Test Dummies.
* He has his own show and his own movie.
**[[The Irate Gamer]], [[Sonicdude3]], and Hellsing920 all made regular appearances on his show.
* According to [[Gwonam]], he is a "Fatass cock knocker".
*He is not allowed to be on airplanes. This is becuase he was once suspected of selling [[bombs]] to Muslim extremeists.
**However, this doesn't bother Morshu much since he has his own [[bomb]]er plane.
*Despite dying from weight problems, he still hasn't gone on a fucking diet.
*His second favourite song is "I wanna MMM MMM" by The lawyer.
*He enjoys eating lard, raw fat, and sips [[Lamp oil]] every day.
*He loathes [[Link]], as he never buys a [[fucking]] thing from his store and begs for credit- which Morshu shall never give.
*Was in the [[war|US Marine Corps]], and was asked by his [[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman|drill sergeant]] if he sucked [[dick|dicks]]. He replied "as long as you have [[enough]] rubies". Needless to say, GySgt. Hartman beat the ever-living [[shit]] out of him while belittling him massively.
{{Vid|nCmFRRpV9AU}}
[[Image:Goronu6.jpg|thumb|right|As long as you have enough rubies.]]
[[Image:Goronu5.jpg|thumb|right|Sorry [[Link]], I can't give credit.]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Morshu|'''''BOMBS!!!'''''}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[You]] want it?!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Lamp oil, rope, '''''[[Bombs|BOMBS]]:''''' [[you]] want it?! It's [[you]]rs, my friend, as long as [[you]] have [[enough]] [[boobs|rubies.]]"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Sorry [[Link]], [[I]] ''can't give'' credit! [[Cum|Come]] back when [[you]]'re a little, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, RICHER!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[You]] are my friend."}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, [[Link]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"I want your credit card!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[Link]]'s mom has little boobies."}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Come back when you're a little, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...boobier!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[You]] want my [[Cum|CuMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM]]?"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Up yours, my friend!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, Turkey!"}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Morshu}}
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Business People]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Dicks]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]

King Harkinian

2015-07-15T15:01:48Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=King Harkinian
|image=4fourIV.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=56
|occupation=King of Hyrule
|cast=Jeffrey Nelson
|nationality=Danish
}}
'''King Harkinian''', better known as simply '''The King''', is the noble ruler of the land of [[Hyrule]] and one of the most key characters in the [[YouTube Poop]] universe. He loves talking to and about [[Mah boi|his boi,]] [[Link]]. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, [[Duke Onkled]]. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of [[Ganon]], but when the king was rescued by [[Zelda]], he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed and rebuilt several times over the years.

==Early Life==
[[Image:The-Kings-Parents-1945.jpg|thumb|The King's parents.]]
Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born sometime in 1956, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg.

==Areas of Expertise==
*The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, [[dinner]], or certain [[Cum|bodily fluids]].
*The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
*The King also has a [[Wii]], but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst [[Wario]] Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
*He rocks at Guitar Hero. [[Zelda]] dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
*His dinners are one of [[The Seven Wonders of the World]]
*He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but [[Gay Luigi]] keeps interrupting him. [[M. Bison]] thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and [[Glutko]] thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
*When The King says "In the morning", bells can be heard in the background. This could mean that he is somehow able to conceal bells inside of his chin. That, or he has superb hearing skills.
*Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
*It is rumored that he trained [[Xuchilbara]] in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
*[[Vorhias]] managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
*It is heavily suspected The King is a hard [[BOOZE|drinker]]. He usually drinks when talking about his "[[Link|boy]]", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
*The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in [[Hyrule]]. The other person is [[Link]].
*The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
*Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly [[Rick Roll|Rick Rolled]] The King every time he tried to eat.
*Before he became the King of [[Hyrule]], he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called ''"[[Adolf Hitler|Mein Junge]]."'' He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
*He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his [[ship]]. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
*The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a [[Triforce]] symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
*During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
* His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting [[Impa]] who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while [[Link|someone]] uses the [[Book of Koridai]]. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
*It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]] get captured during the night by [[Ganon]], and he's always leaving on useless trips to [[Gamelon]] where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!
*Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass [[DIE|Destruction]], which was made [[illegal]] in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots [[cheeseburger]]s which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. [[Robotnik]], [[Fat Mario]], [[Gay Luigi]] and [[Link]] have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
*The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by [[The Food Loving King|that other king]], until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
{{vid|mUZcqomD_YY}}
{{vid|Io9hqmP9UTo}}
[[Image:King Christmas card.JPG|thumb|300px|Season's greetings from the king.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|The King, [[Link]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
{{vid|m73qRnCsdFM}}
[[Image:5292 1165786834126 1511575173 457031 2729346 n.jpg|thumb|right|The King in real life]]
{{vid|9jQ1k92JnUw}}
[[Image:STRIVEFOR01245-1.png|frame|The King's eye problem, similar to that of [[Mayor Kravindish]].]]
[[Image:The-King-driving-his-Desoto.jpg|thumb|right|The King in his 1946 DeSoto.]]
===Drug Abuse===
Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and [[Sonic]] were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of [[Sonic Sez]] as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

==Likes==
*[[Queen Harkinian]]
*[[Dinner]]
**Food in general.
*[[Link]]
*Arguing with [[Zelda]]
*Torturing [[Duke Onkled]]
*Dancing with [[Ganon]]
*Saying "[[My Boy]]"
*Telling people to [[scrub]] stuff.
*[[Laughing]]
*Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
*Evanescence
*[[KFC]]
*His Ship
*The number [[4]]
*Playing his [[Wii]].
*[[No|His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!]]
*Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
*Duke Onkled's Diner
*Talking about shipt
*[[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]
*Guitar Hero
*His cars (especially his Toyota)
*[[Scatman]]
*[[The '60s|Mad Men]] (The TV series)
*Mad Boi's (In General)
*[[Whinefeld]] (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that [[Robin]] thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
*Cars (The Movie)
*Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
*Fishing
*Giving unreasonable demands
*Stealing Gwonam's X-Wing

==Dislikes==
*Not having dinner
*[[Ganon]]
*[[Zelda]], however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking [[sex]] from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
*[[Snacks]]
*[[Potato chips]]
*[[Froggo]]
*[[Joseph Stalin]], that commie piece of shit!
*[[Adolf Hitler]],as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
*Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
*The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
*[[Big Cheese]] (See Zeus)
*Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
*His other pet Fluffy.
*[[Communist|Tra]][[German|bants]] (he says that they are pieces of [[shit]].)
*[[Willy Wonka]] (he is causing children to not eat their [[dinner]]).
*Squadala Burger
*Gwonam's Pizzeria
*Hamlet
*Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]])
*Rock Band ([[Link]] plays it all the time)
*Rosebud Frozen Peas
*Blotto Bros. Wine
*[[I. Fleecem]] (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
*[[Gwonam]] once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and [[Gwonam]] laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced [[Gwonam]] to scrub the floor where he threw up. [[Gwonam]] said it was worth it.
*Slamming his penis in a door.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|MAH BOI!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Four!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I wonder what's for dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You're finally becoming a man, [[My Boy|boy]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|After you [[scrub]] all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMM...how can [[Wii|we]] help?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Did somebody say "dinner"?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|ENOUGH!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|My [[ship]] sails in the morning.*bells ringing*}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You saved me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], I'm under attack by the evil forces of [[Ganon]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit, what's for my [[fuck]]ing dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[I]] saved myself!!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], [[I]]'m always talking about [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Link]], [[I]] ate fish for [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk about time to me, boy!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to get dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Dropped the ball!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of [[Magic Drugs|Drug]]. Aren't going to come along.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mercy? This is Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, the floor is under my feet.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Ganon's the hero of Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to rub Link's dick.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm not gay, I just like a-sex!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Screw Link!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Yes, I'm the king of Hyrule! I'm having a-sex with Duke Onkled!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|No, Link, I'm going to aide Duke Onkled. If you don't hear from me in a month, save me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Yes!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!}}

[[Image:Laugh4.gif|frame|right|The King and [[Zelda|his daughter]] after seeing his own article.]]

[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Pimps]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Kings]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Criminals]]

Duke Onkled

2015-07-15T14:59:52Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{CharBox
|name=Duke Onkled
|image=End animation9.jpg
|shows=
|sex=Male
|age=40 (at time of death)
|occupation=Duke of Gamelon
|cast=
|nationality=English
}}{{char}}
{{stub}}
[[Image:Duke Onkled.jpg|thumb|Duke Onkled's taking a very long and very huge shit.]]
[[Image:Demo.PNG|thumb|right|The [[Demoman]] staring in horror upon the brutal [[Death|execution]] of Duke Onkled.]]
{{vid|o29suu2dZ8w}}

Duke Onkled was the ruler of [[Gamelon]] from 1997-1993.

In his allegiance to [[Ganon]], Duke Onkled gave [[King Harkinian|the King of Hyrule]] over to [[Ganon]] in turn for fortune and overall material wealth. Once [[Zelda]] rescued the King from Ganon, Duke Onkled's alliance with Ganon was shattered and Duke Onkled was placed at the mercy of the King. As punishment for his treason towards the King he was ordered to scrub all of the floors in Hyrule, an order that was only put to an end upon Onkled's [[Die|death]] (see below).

Duke Onkled has a problem with constipation, causing him to constantly grimace.

Cultural Heritage: UK

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|D-don't hurt me [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]]!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|I'll tell you the secret way into Reesong Palace.}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Go all the way left and move the rock, [[This Key™|This Key]] opens the gate.}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Please, your omnipotence, have mercy!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|[[No]]. Go [[Sex|fuck]] a goat. Go fuck yourself. I'll tell your omnipotence you rape me.}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Go all the way left and [[Gay|suck the cock]].}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Hurt me [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]]!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|[[Cum|Semen]] opens the gate!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|[[Morshu]], sperm please!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Your omnipotence, suck me off!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|Link, please! Aide me!}}
{{poopquote|Duke Onkled|I feel your cock in my ass!}}

==Trivia==
*Owned the successful restaurant "Duke Onkled's Diner" which nearly ran [[Squadallah]] Burger out of business.
*Apparently dressed better than [[King Harkinian|his cousin]].
*Owned one of the largest [[This Key|keys]] in history.
*Had scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule numerous times for being a traitor to [[The King|His Majesty.]]
*Once scrubbed [[King Harkinian|the King of Hyrule]] for [[pussy]].
*Doesn't his mustache look like a [[shit|turd]]?

==Death==
Duke Onkled died on February 17, 1993 at the hands of [[King Harkinian]]'s hangmen at a public execution. This is despite the pleadings of the Duke for mercy to [[the King]]. Approximately three years later, he was posthumously declared innocent of all accused charges, and his family was [[Illegal|legal]]ly reimbursed. [[King Harkinian]] had no comment on the issue. It is presumed that nobody cares enough to involve themselves any further into this matter.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Duke Onkled}}
[[Category:British]]
[[Category:Elderly Characters]]
[[Category:Traitors]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Evil Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Nazis]]
[[Category:Gay Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]

King Harkinian

2015-07-15T14:55:39Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=King Harkinian
|image=4fourIV.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=56
|occupation=King of Hyrule
|cast=Jeffrey Nelson
|nationality=Danish
}}
'''King Harkinian''', better known as simply '''The King''', is the noble ruler of the land of [[Hyrule]] and one of the most key characters in the [[YouTube Poop]] universe. He loves talking to and about [[Mah boi|his boi,]] [[Link]]. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, [[Duke Onkled]]. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of [[Ganon]], but when the king was rescued by [[Zelda]], he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed and rebuilt several times over the years.

==Early Life==
[[Image:The-Kings-Parents-1945.jpg|thumb|The King's parents.]]
Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born sometime in 1956, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg.

==Areas of Expertise==
*The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, [[dinner]], or certain [[Cum|bodily fluids]].
*The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
*The King also has a [[Wii]], but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst [[Wario]] Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
*He rocks at Guitar Hero. [[Zelda]] dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
*His dinners are one of [[The Seven Wonders of the World]]
*He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but [[Gay Luigi]] keeps interrupting him. [[M. Bison]] thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and [[Glutko]] thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
*When The King says "In the morning", bells can be heard in the background. This could mean that he is somehow able to conceal bells inside of his chin. That, or he has superb hearing skills.
*Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
*It is rumored that he trained [[Xuchilbara]] in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
*[[Vorhias]] managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
*It is heavily suspected The King is a hard [[BOOZE|drinker]]. He usually drinks when talking about his "[[Link|boy]]", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
*The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in [[Hyrule]]. The other person is [[Link]].
*The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
*Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly [[Rick Roll|Rick Rolled]] The King every time he tried to eat.
*Before he became the King of [[Hyrule]], he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called ''"[[Adolf Hitler|Mein Junge]]."'' He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
*He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his [[ship]]. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
*The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a [[Triforce]] symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
*During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
* His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting [[Impa]] who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while [[Link|someone]] uses the [[Book of Koridai]]. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
*It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]] get captured during the night by [[Ganon]], and he's always leaving on useless trips to [[Gamelon]] where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!
*Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass [[DIE|Destruction]], which was made [[illegal]] in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots [[cheeseburger]]s which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. [[Robotnik]], [[Fat Mario]], [[Gay Luigi]] and [[Link]] have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
*The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by [[The Food Loving King|that other king]], until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
{{vid|mUZcqomD_YY}}
{{vid|Io9hqmP9UTo}}
[[Image:King Christmas card.JPG|thumb|300px|Season's greetings from the king.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|The King, [[Link]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
{{vid|m73qRnCsdFM}}
[[Image:5292 1165786834126 1511575173 457031 2729346 n.jpg|thumb|right|The King in real life]]
{{vid|9jQ1k92JnUw}}
[[Image:STRIVEFOR01245-1.png|frame|The King's eye problem, similar to that of [[Mayor Kravindish]].]]
[[Image:The-King-driving-his-Desoto.jpg|thumb|right|The King in his 1946 DeSoto.]]
===Drug Abuse===
Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and [[Sonic]] were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of [[Sonic Sez]] as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

==Likes==
*[[Queen Harkinian]]
*[[Dinner]]
**Food in general.
*[[Link]]
*Arguing with [[Zelda]]
*Torturing [[Duke Onkled]]
*Dancing with [[Ganon]]
*Saying "[[My Boy]]"
*Telling people to [[scrub]] stuff.
*[[Laughing]]
*Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
*Evanescence
*[[KFC]]
*His Ship
*The number [[4]]
*Playing his [[Wii]].
*[[No|His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!]]
*Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
*Duke Onkled's Diner
*Talking about shipt
*[[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]
*Guitar Hero
*His cars (especially his Toyota)
*[[Scatman]]
*[[The '60s|Mad Men]] (The TV series)
*Mad Boi's (In General)
*[[Whinefeld]] (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that [[Robin]] thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
*Cars (The Movie)
*Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
*Fishing
*Giving unreasonable demands
*Stealing Gwonam's X-Wing

==Dislikes==
*Not having dinner
*[[Ganon]]
*[[Zelda]], however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking [[sex]] from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
*[[Snacks]]
*[[Potato chips]]
*[[Froggo]]
*[[Joseph Stalin]], that commie piece of shit!
*[[Adolf Hitler]],as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
*Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
*The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
*[[Big Cheese]] (See Zeus)
*Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
*His other pet Fluffy.
*[[Communist|Tra]][[German|bants]] (he says that they are pieces of [[shit]].)
*[[Willy Wonka]] (he is causing children to not eat their [[dinner]]).
*Squadala Burger
*Gwonam's Pizzeria
*Hamlet
*Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]])
*Rock Band ([[Link]] plays it all the time)
*Rosebud Frozen Peas
*Blotto Bros. Wine
*[[I. Fleecem]] (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
*[[Gwonam]] once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and [[Gwonam]] laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced [[Gwonam]] to scrub the floor where he threw up. [[Gwonam]] said it was worth it.
*Slamming his penis in a door.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|MAH BOI!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Four!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I wonder what's for dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You're finally becoming a man, [[My Boy|boy]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|After you [[scrub]] all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMM...how can [[Wii|we]] help?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Did somebody say "dinner"?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|ENOUGH!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|My [[ship]] sails in the morning.*bells ringing*}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You saved me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], I'm under attack by the evil forces of [[Ganon]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit, what's for my [[fuck]]ing dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[I]] saved myself!!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], [[I]]'m always talking about [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Link]], [[I]] ate fish for [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk about time to me, boy!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to get dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Dropped the ball!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of [[Magic Drugs|Drug]]. Aren't going to come along.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mercy? This is Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, the floor is under my feet.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Ganon's the hero of Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to rub Link's dick.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm not gay, I just like a-sex!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Screw Link!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|No, Link, I'm going to aide Duke Onkled. If you don't hear from me in a month, save me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Yes!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!}}

[[Image:Laugh4.gif|frame|right|The King and [[Zelda|his daughter]] after seeing his own article.]]

[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Pimps]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Kings]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Criminals]]

Ganon

2015-07-10T15:33:46Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Ganon
|image=Ganons lair37.jpg‎
|caption=Ganon's IQ lowers dramatically in this picture. It practically [[DIE]]D.
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=55
|occupation=Evil Sorcerer/Emperor
|cast=[[Donkey Kong|Takashi Nagasako]], Hironori Miyata, Len Carlson, Mark Berry
|nationality=German
}}
[[image:Your_face.gif|thumb|Ganon saying, "Your Face!"]]
[[Image:Firestone_lake13.jpg|thumb|right|Ganon, preparing to eat the cameraman.]]
Ganon's a king! - [[Link]]

Ganon is an evil sorcerer from the [[Zelda]] games. His name was misspelled as Gannon in the [[CD-i]] games, as well as the original [[Nintendo|NES game]]. Ganon tried to take over KoriDIE and [[Gamelon]] with his evil minions but failed due to [[Link]] (and later, Zelda) trapping him in [[The Pit]]. Ganon has frequently made deals with Link to "make [his] face the greatest in Kori[[DIE]]". This was however mistook by many people, including Link, as this phrase is actually Ganon's way of asking for head. Ganon had an airforce in his lair but was destroyed by Mario when he used [[Goku|kamehameha]] in Ultimania.

[[Ganondorf]] from the N64, GameCube, and [[Wii]] Zelda games is his human form.

==Skills/Personality==
In the Zelda CD-i games, Ganon is an extremely weak last boss (the weakest last boss in the history of weak), as he dies in one hit when you throw a book at him. Ganon's favorite word is [[DIE]], and he loves to kill things with his thunder attacks (namely, [[Bolt3]]), which have a range of about three inches. Other than that, he shoots flaming skulls for some unknown reason, likely having to do with how his father was a drinker and discouraged throwing flaming skulls in the house. He also loves to just say the word DIE, and make a [[Retard|retarded]] face. It is to be noted that his face is currently the greatest in KoriDIE. It was found out recently that he is a doctor; A news article called him "Dr. Brian Gannon".

Ganon loves to insist that you DIE, and he will be very persistent about it, saying "You must DIE!" over and over again. According to Fat Mario, the proper response is "NO". However, if Ganon says "You must DIE!.....or else you will DIE!", there is no avoiding your fate... unless you call upon the Gods of [[No]] and use their power to kill Ganon once and for all. Unfortunently, the chances of success on this is 0.0000000000000001%.

Ganon, like Eric Cartman, thinks it's hilarious that people soil themselves when they DIE. This is one of the reasons he likes death so much.

Ganon has 2 brothers. They are [[Black Shadow]] and [[Big Cheese]].

Cultural Heritage: Germany

Power Level: WHAT 9,000?
[[Image:Sexy.jpg|frame|right|One of Ganon's better known uncles.]]
== Likes ==
*Link
*1000 Ways To Die
*[[Death]]
*[[Megadeth]]
*[[Gwonam]]
*Seizing the island of [[Koridai]]..........OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...
*[[Tepig]] and its evolutions, especially Emboar.
*Gangam Style

==Legal Issues==
====The Ganon Jr. Case====
Apparently, Ganon and [[Pregnant Zelda|Zelda]] had sex during the course of Poops being made and resulted in [[Ganon Jr.]] Legal custody is being fought over at the hand of Judge Judy. Later, Ganon and Zelda would have another baby, Zeldanon.

====Noise Violations====
Ganon is a die hard fan of [[Dethklok]], a death metal band. He likes to play it loudly in his lair. [[Gwonam]] who lives in a house nearby often has seizures because of Ganon's loud music. Lawsuits are currently being filed because of this. Ganon is also a big fan of Megadeth a thrash metal band, his favorite song being 99 Ways to Die. He likes to sing along to it which has caused more noise violations.
{{vid|7PgZR40WhPA}}

====Controversy With [[Sam Pak]]====
Ganon has had times where he has issues with the Appliance Direct guy. Apparently, he wants to have the power of [[Wakkie Nu Nu]] all to himself, but Sam Pak wants him to get one of his special washing machines so that way, he could save money for his retirement. A legal inspection is currently happening for this recurring argument.
[[Image:Ganons lair35.jpg|thumb|right|Ganon when horny.]]
{{VidCaption|6Jxw_xae0Cc|Ganon in Giygas form.}}
[[Image:Picture14-4.png|frame|What does Ganon have to say to the deaf?]]
==See Also==
*[[Ganondorf]] (The human [[form|version]] of Ganon that's seen much more often in video games than him.)
[[Category:CD-i]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Ganon|DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Join me, [[Link]], and I will make your face the gglrrreatest in [[Koridai]], or else you will DIIIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You dare bring light to my lair?! YOU MUST DIE! *(Strikes [[Zelda]] with lightning bolts [[Cum|coming]] from his hands.)}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NO! Not into [[The Pit]]! It BUURNS!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Aaarrgh! The chains! Nooooo! [[You]] haven't seen the last of me!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Your face!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You are my prisoner!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|SILENCE!! [[Hektad|Hectan]], keep the runt in chains.}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|YOUR FACE WILL DIE AND BURN IN THE PIT!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NO!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|NOOOOO!!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|In the DARKEST nightmare hour, when not [[moon]] nor sun has risen...I take [[Zelda]] in my power. I shall KEEP her in my prison!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|You must die..... or else you will die!!!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|But [[Majora's Mask|you're]] gonna destroy us all! Including yourself!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|OOH, WHOA!! MY HAND!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|My [[cum]] will burn!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Back.}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I shall rape Zelda!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|The racist will DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|Shit is the GRRRREATEST!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I will make your face DIE!}}
{{poopquote|Ganon|I shall join you!}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Ganon}}
[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:Retarded Characters]]
[[Category:Evil Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Africans]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

Link

2015-07-10T15:25:08Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Memorable Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Link
|image=linkspin.GIF
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=3?
|occupation=Hero, Goober, boi, main course (when mashed)
|cast=Nobuyuki Hiyama, Akira Sasanuma (Nintendo games), Jonathan Potts (cartoon), Jeffrey Rath (CD-i)
}}
[[Image:End_005_1_0001.jpg|thumb|Link upon winning something, like [[Link: Faces of Evil|his quest]] or Monopoly.]]
[[Image:1175742037099.png|thumb|Link in his latest game.]]
[[image:linkthe_saiyan.gif|thumb|150px|right|[[Goku|Saiyan]] Link.]]
[[image:Fat_link.jpg|thumb|150px|right|[[Fat]] Link.]]
[[Image:Crater cove11.jpg|thumb|Your [[sword]] is enough.]]
[[Image:A2511e2ab6d0f667bc9cfc88d09c15c3.jpg|thumb|right|Link owned a [[Chinese]] Restaurant at one time.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Link, [[King Harkinian]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
[[Image:PowerZelda.gif|thumb|right|[[Link]] being his [[retard|usual old self.]]]]
[[File:Linknes87.jpg|thumb|right|Link in [[the '80s]].]]
Link is a civilian of [[Hyrule]], who in times of crisis works as the [[No|Hero]]. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the [[King of Hyrule|King]] himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the [[It is written|Scripture of Utter Bullshit]], is the only person who can defeat [[Ganon]]. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. [[King Harkinian|The King]], [[Mario]], and [[Zelda]] along with many others have defeated Ganon.)

Link is the current standing Hero of [[Hyrule]]. He was preceded by himself and will be succeeded by himself.

==Skills==
Link is skilled in the art of combat, and is a master swordsman and marksman. As mentioned below he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has the ability to carry a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is an adept of the legendary [[Duckwalk]] maneuver. Cool, huh?

On the other hand, he sucks at using crossbows, has questionable intelligence and poor social skills.

==Diet==
Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an [[Octorok]].

==Sexual Orientation==
It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with [[Gwonam]] at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had [[sex]] with [[Zelda]], [[Impa]], and [[Lady Alma]] many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual and doesn't really care (Like an amoeba).

Still, he ''did'' enjoy that [[:Image:Negima marshmallow hell.jpg|hug]] from Cremia quite a bit...

==Possessions==
*His Sword
*Lamp Oil
*Rope
*[[Bombs]]
*A Lightsaber
*Lotsa Guns
*Young & Anal 15 video tape
*The King's Chalice
*Boomerang
*Bow & Arrow
*Various Masks
*Iron Boots
*An [[Octorok]]

==Likes==
*[[Zelda]]
*[[Impa]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s games
**[[Sonic X]]
*[[SEGA|Sega]] Genesis
*[[Xbox 360]]
*[[Nintendo]] [[Wii]]
*The Philips CD-i
*[[Atari 2600]]
*Sega Dreamcast
*[[PS3]] (Doesn't have one though.)
*[[Gwonam]]
*Bombs
*Guns
*[[Boobs|Tits]]
*[[Boobs|Rubies]]
*Consuming [[Octorok|rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.]]
*[[Kiss|KISS.]]

==Dislikes==
*[[Doraemon]]
*The Delilah Show
*[[Chad Warden]]
*[[Ronald McDonald]] (Hell, who doesn't?)
*The [[Nintendo|Chintendo]] [[Wii|Vii]]
*Spoons
==Memorable Quotes==
{{poopquote|Link|...}}
{{poopquote|Link|I won!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Gee! It sure is boring around here!}}
{{poopquote|Link|What are all those [[Head|heads]]?}}
{{poopquote|Link|I guess I better get going!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Great! I'll grab my stuff!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Hey! Exc''uuuuuu''se me, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old [[King Harkinian|King]] is [[no]] match [[for]] [[Ganon]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what [[Ganon]]'s up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Golly!}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's a Gohma!}}
{{poopquote|Link|(Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Fine, jeez!}}
{{poopquote|Link|[[Mysterious Black Dude|Remember me?]]}}
{{poopquote|Link|I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what Bali's up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Looks like we're in trouble, princess! (Said in a [[African]]-like voice.)}}
{{poopquote|Link|(After seeing the [[90's Kid]] using his [[Sega]] Genesis like a boombox.) I guess I better get rid of this [[Sega]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old King is EVIL!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Has one and one consumption?}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's quite an army of Heart.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Oh [[Mah Boi|boy]]! I'm a boy!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Don't talk shit, you didn't do anything!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Fuck you, King! I'm on strike!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I'm gay!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old Ganon's boring and the King is gay!}}
{{poopquote|Link|When I'm crouching, you can make me do the duck walk!}}
{{poopquote|Link|You wanna fight, fat boy?! I'll piss on your head!}}
{{poopquote|Link|What happened?}}
{{poopquote|Link|Great!}}
[[Image:Link.jpg|right|thumb|Link's older brother, Link.]]
[[Image:Link_FEMALE.jpg|thumb|[[Homer Simpson|Stupid sexy female Link.]]]]

==Trivia==
*Link is part Saiyan, or part [[Nazi|Aryan]]. Same thing.
*Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
*Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
*Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by [[M. Bison]].
*His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
*Even though he is a [[Nintendo]] character, he wants a [[Playstation 3]] because he claims he "can't use the [[[Wii]]'s] controller."
*He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, [[Squadala Burger]], in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
*Had a short-lived career as the guitarist of the [[Fish|Zora]] band ''The Indigo-Go's'' until the other band members discovered he actually stole the identity of the true guitarist, then deceased.
*According to [[Screwattack]], Link's [[sword]] ''[[Gwonam|is enough]]'' for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
*Also, like [[Darth Vader]], Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soulcalibur IV, Link also appeared in Soulcalibur II (Along with Spawn and [[Heihachi Mishima]] of the [[Tekken]] series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of the game, Link in the GameCube version.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu <s>have</s> had the same voice actor.
*His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
*Once got a hug from Cremia. He enjoyed it greatly.
*Can't use a crossbow for shit, so he uses the Wii Zapper.
*When his head detaches from his body, he transforms into the fabled "Link's Floating Head of Benevolence".
*One time, he went to face Ganon with just ''[[bombs]]''! Guess [[Gwonam]] was [[wrong]] about his [[sword]] after all.
*When Link skydives, he's usually shown shocked at what's actually ''above'' him!
*When the King once demanded Link to take his damn clothes off, he accepted his proposal. You can see him naked [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz3rcmH57A8 right here.]
*{\[[King Harkinian]] often asks Link to scrub all the floors in [[Hyrule]], or else he is taken away to [[the pit]]. However, Link enjoys this because the pit is apparently filled with [[lotsa spaghetti]].
*He bombed the V of Doom with a C4 disguised as a Virtual Boy Controller.
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in The Legend of Zelda]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Super Smash Bros.]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

Link

2015-07-10T15:24:31Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Memorable Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Link
|image=linkspin.GIF
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=3?
|occupation=Hero, Goober, boi, main course (when mashed)
|cast=Nobuyuki Hiyama, Akira Sasanuma (Nintendo games), Jonathan Potts (cartoon), Jeffrey Rath (CD-i)
}}
[[Image:End_005_1_0001.jpg|thumb|Link upon winning something, like [[Link: Faces of Evil|his quest]] or Monopoly.]]
[[Image:1175742037099.png|thumb|Link in his latest game.]]
[[image:linkthe_saiyan.gif|thumb|150px|right|[[Goku|Saiyan]] Link.]]
[[image:Fat_link.jpg|thumb|150px|right|[[Fat]] Link.]]
[[Image:Crater cove11.jpg|thumb|Your [[sword]] is enough.]]
[[Image:A2511e2ab6d0f667bc9cfc88d09c15c3.jpg|thumb|right|Link owned a [[Chinese]] Restaurant at one time.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Link, [[King Harkinian]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
[[Image:PowerZelda.gif|thumb|right|[[Link]] being his [[retard|usual old self.]]]]
[[File:Linknes87.jpg|thumb|right|Link in [[the '80s]].]]
Link is a civilian of [[Hyrule]], who in times of crisis works as the [[No|Hero]]. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the [[King of Hyrule|King]] himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the [[It is written|Scripture of Utter Bullshit]], is the only person who can defeat [[Ganon]]. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. [[King Harkinian|The King]], [[Mario]], and [[Zelda]] along with many others have defeated Ganon.)

Link is the current standing Hero of [[Hyrule]]. He was preceded by himself and will be succeeded by himself.

==Skills==
Link is skilled in the art of combat, and is a master swordsman and marksman. As mentioned below he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has the ability to carry a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is an adept of the legendary [[Duckwalk]] maneuver. Cool, huh?

On the other hand, he sucks at using crossbows, has questionable intelligence and poor social skills.

==Diet==
Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an [[Octorok]].

==Sexual Orientation==
It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with [[Gwonam]] at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had [[sex]] with [[Zelda]], [[Impa]], and [[Lady Alma]] many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual and doesn't really care (Like an amoeba).

Still, he ''did'' enjoy that [[:Image:Negima marshmallow hell.jpg|hug]] from Cremia quite a bit...

==Possessions==
*His Sword
*Lamp Oil
*Rope
*[[Bombs]]
*A Lightsaber
*Lotsa Guns
*Young & Anal 15 video tape
*The King's Chalice
*Boomerang
*Bow & Arrow
*Various Masks
*Iron Boots
*An [[Octorok]]

==Likes==
*[[Zelda]]
*[[Impa]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s games
**[[Sonic X]]
*[[SEGA|Sega]] Genesis
*[[Xbox 360]]
*[[Nintendo]] [[Wii]]
*The Philips CD-i
*[[Atari 2600]]
*Sega Dreamcast
*[[PS3]] (Doesn't have one though.)
*[[Gwonam]]
*Bombs
*Guns
*[[Boobs|Tits]]
*[[Boobs|Rubies]]
*Consuming [[Octorok|rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.]]
*[[Kiss|KISS.]]

==Dislikes==
*[[Doraemon]]
*The Delilah Show
*[[Chad Warden]]
*[[Ronald McDonald]] (Hell, who doesn't?)
*The [[Nintendo|Chintendo]] [[Wii|Vii]]
*Spoons
==Memorable Quotes==
{{poopquote|Link|...}}
{{poopquote|Link|I won!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Gee! It sure is boring around here!}}
{{poopquote|Link|What are all those [[Head|heads]]?}}
{{poopquote|Link|I guess I better get going!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Great! I'll grab my stuff!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Hey! Exc''uuuuuu''se me, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old [[King Harkinian|King]] is [[no]] match [[for]] [[Ganon]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what [[Ganon]]'s up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Golly!}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's a Gohma!}}
{{poopquote|Link|(Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Fine, jeez!}}
{{poopquote|Link|[[Mysterious Black Dude|Remember me?]]}}
{{poopquote|Link|I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what Bali's up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Looks like we're in trouble, princess! (Said in a [[African]]-like voice.)}}
{{poopquote|Link|(After seeing the [[90's Kid]] using his [[Sega]] Genesis like a boombox.) I guess I better get rid of this [[Sega]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old King is EVIL!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Has one and one consumption?}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's quite an army of Heart.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Oh [[Mah Boi|boy]]! I'm a boy!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Don't talk shit, you didn't do anything!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Fuck you, King! I'm on strike!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I'm gay!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old Ganon's boring and the King is gay!}}
{{poopquote|Link|When I'm crouching, you can make me do the duck walk!}}
{{poopquote|Link|You wanna fight, fat boy?! I'll piss on your head!}}
{{poopquote|Link|What happened?}}
{{poopquote|Link|I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Great!}}
[[Image:Link.jpg|right|thumb|Link's older brother, Link.]]
[[Image:Link_FEMALE.jpg|thumb|[[Homer Simpson|Stupid sexy female Link.]]]]

==Trivia==
*Link is part Saiyan, or part [[Nazi|Aryan]]. Same thing.
*Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
*Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
*Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by [[M. Bison]].
*His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
*Even though he is a [[Nintendo]] character, he wants a [[Playstation 3]] because he claims he "can't use the [[[Wii]]'s] controller."
*He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, [[Squadala Burger]], in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
*Had a short-lived career as the guitarist of the [[Fish|Zora]] band ''The Indigo-Go's'' until the other band members discovered he actually stole the identity of the true guitarist, then deceased.
*According to [[Screwattack]], Link's [[sword]] ''[[Gwonam|is enough]]'' for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
*Also, like [[Darth Vader]], Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soulcalibur IV, Link also appeared in Soulcalibur II (Along with Spawn and [[Heihachi Mishima]] of the [[Tekken]] series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of the game, Link in the GameCube version.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu <s>have</s> had the same voice actor.
*His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
*Once got a hug from Cremia. He enjoyed it greatly.
*Can't use a crossbow for shit, so he uses the Wii Zapper.
*When his head detaches from his body, he transforms into the fabled "Link's Floating Head of Benevolence".
*One time, he went to face Ganon with just ''[[bombs]]''! Guess [[Gwonam]] was [[wrong]] about his [[sword]] after all.
*When Link skydives, he's usually shown shocked at what's actually ''above'' him!
*When the King once demanded Link to take his damn clothes off, he accepted his proposal. You can see him naked [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz3rcmH57A8 right here.]
*{\[[King Harkinian]] often asks Link to scrub all the floors in [[Hyrule]], or else he is taken away to [[the pit]]. However, Link enjoys this because the pit is apparently filled with [[lotsa spaghetti]].
*He bombed the V of Doom with a C4 disguised as a Virtual Boy Controller.
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in The Legend of Zelda]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Super Smash Bros.]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

Impa

2015-07-10T15:14:42Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Impa
|image=Impa.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Female
|age=72 (at most)
|occupation=King's Advisor, Zelda's nanny
|cast=
|nationality=Ukrainian
}}
Impa is the advisor to the [[King of Hyrule]] and keeper of the Triforce of Wisdom. She is also [[Zelda]]'s Personal Aid.

Cultural Heritage: Native American in most Zelda games, but she really looks white in the [[CD-i]] games.

==Health Issues==
[[Image:HectansDangerous.jpg|thumb|left|[[Hektad]] is dangerous!]]
It has been made apparent that Impa often suffers from extensive seizures and Alzheimer's Disease.

== Trivia ==
[[Image:Impa2.png|thumb|Impa in her younger days.]]
[[Image:Reesong_palace13.jpg|thumb|right|Impa, after seeing this article.]]
*She is not involved with [[User:Idiotska|The Hairspray Queen]]'s takeover of the Chef's burnt cakes.
*She has an abnormally large left arm and hand that she uses to stroke Zelda when she is upset.
*She is often woken up by Zelda to take random trips to both [[Gamelon]] and [[Pancakes|IHOP]]. She's also woken up by Zelda for certain actions that shouldn't be named.
*She really likes to say "Oh my!" or "Oh dear!" a lot, as if she's surprised by everything.
*She is known to roar when angry.
*According to Tourettes Guy, "SHE'S OLD AS FUCK!"
*Really old men, however, thick she's as [[sex]]y as fuck. (Gross!)
**She actually was in ''Ocarina of Time'', where she was young.
**She was also in ''Oracle of Seasons'' and ''Oracle of Ages'', where she was a big fat lady.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Impa|Don't worry, [[Zelda]]. The triforce of wisdom promises [[King Harkinian|the king]] will safely return!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|I'm certain. He's alright!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Alright dear, I'll get the triforce of wisdom.}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Oh my! It looks like everyone's been taken to Tykogi Tower.}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Yes...oh my! Your father has been captured!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|He's been in a terrible fight. I can't tell what happened!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Oh dear! Wizzrobe has captured [[Lady Alma]]!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Look how your father was captured!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|[[Hektad]] is DANGEROUS!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|You smell like [[shit]]!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|I wonder what it all means!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|[[King Harkinian|The King's]] a terrible father!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Your father's the king!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|[[Hektad]] is [[Sex|sexy]].}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Oh my! The triforce says shit!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Yes! Yes! Yes! Old lady whizz!}}
{{poopquote|Impa|Bigot!}}
[[Category:Characters - Female]]
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in The Legend of Zelda]]
[[Category:Elderly Characters]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

King Harkinian

2015-07-10T15:04:37Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=King Harkinian
|image=4fourIV.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=56
|occupation=King of Hyrule
|cast=Jeffrey Nelson
|nationality=Danish
}}
'''King Harkinian''', better known as simply '''The King''', is the noble ruler of the land of [[Hyrule]] and one of the most key characters in the [[YouTube Poop]] universe. He loves talking to and about [[Mah boi|his boi,]] [[Link]]. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, [[Duke Onkled]]. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of [[Ganon]], but when the king was rescued by [[Zelda]], he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed and rebuilt several times over the years.

==Early Life==
[[Image:The-Kings-Parents-1945.jpg|thumb|The King's parents.]]
Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born sometime in 1956, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg.

==Areas of Expertise==
*The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, [[dinner]], or certain [[Cum|bodily fluids]].
*The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
*The King also has a [[Wii]], but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst [[Wario]] Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
*He rocks at Guitar Hero. [[Zelda]] dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
*His dinners are one of [[The Seven Wonders of the World]]
*He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but [[Gay Luigi]] keeps interrupting him. [[M. Bison]] thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and [[Glutko]] thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
*When The King says "In the morning", bells can be heard in the background. This could mean that he is somehow able to conceal bells inside of his chin. That, or he has superb hearing skills.
*Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
*It is rumored that he trained [[Xuchilbara]] in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
*[[Vorhias]] managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
*It is heavily suspected The King is a hard [[BOOZE|drinker]]. He usually drinks when talking about his "[[Link|boy]]", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
*The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in [[Hyrule]]. The other person is [[Link]].
*The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
*Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly [[Rick Roll|Rick Rolled]] The King every time he tried to eat.
*Before he became the King of [[Hyrule]], he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called ''"[[Adolf Hitler|Mein Junge]]."'' He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
*He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his [[ship]]. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
*The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a [[Triforce]] symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
*During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
* His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting [[Impa]] who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while [[Link|someone]] uses the [[Book of Koridai]]. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
*It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]] get captured during the night by [[Ganon]], and he's always leaving on useless trips to [[Gamelon]] where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!
*Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass [[DIE|Destruction]], which was made [[illegal]] in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots [[cheeseburger]]s which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. [[Robotnik]], [[Fat Mario]], [[Gay Luigi]] and [[Link]] have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
*The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by [[The Food Loving King|that other king]], until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
{{vid|mUZcqomD_YY}}
{{vid|Io9hqmP9UTo}}
[[Image:King Christmas card.JPG|thumb|300px|Season's greetings from the king.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|The King, [[Link]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
{{vid|m73qRnCsdFM}}
[[Image:5292 1165786834126 1511575173 457031 2729346 n.jpg|thumb|right|The King in real life]]
{{vid|9jQ1k92JnUw}}
[[Image:STRIVEFOR01245-1.png|frame|The King's eye problem, similar to that of [[Mayor Kravindish]].]]
[[Image:The-King-driving-his-Desoto.jpg|thumb|right|The King in his 1946 DeSoto.]]
===Drug Abuse===
Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and [[Sonic]] were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of [[Sonic Sez]] as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

==Likes==
*[[Queen Harkinian]]
*[[Dinner]]
**Food in general.
*[[Link]]
*Arguing with [[Zelda]]
*Torturing [[Duke Onkled]]
*Dancing with [[Ganon]]
*Saying "[[My Boy]]"
*Telling people to [[scrub]] stuff.
*[[Laughing]]
*Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
*Evanescence
*[[KFC]]
*His Ship
*The number [[4]]
*Playing his [[Wii]].
*[[No|His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!]]
*Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
*Duke Onkled's Diner
*Talking about shipt
*[[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]
*Guitar Hero
*His cars (especially his Toyota)
*[[Scatman]]
*[[The '60s|Mad Men]] (The TV series)
*Mad Boi's (In General)
*[[Whinefeld]] (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that [[Robin]] thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
*Cars (The Movie)
*Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
*Fishing
*Giving unreasonable demands
*Stealing Gwonam's X-Wing

==Dislikes==
*Not having dinner
*[[Ganon]]
*[[Zelda]], however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking [[sex]] from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
*[[Snacks]]
*[[Potato chips]]
*[[Froggo]]
*[[Joseph Stalin]], that commie piece of shit!
*[[Adolf Hitler]],as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
*Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
*The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
*[[Big Cheese]] (See Zeus)
*Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
*His other pet Fluffy.
*[[Communist|Tra]][[German|bants]] (he says that they are pieces of [[shit]].)
*[[Willy Wonka]] (he is causing children to not eat their [[dinner]]).
*Squadala Burger
*Gwonam's Pizzeria
*Hamlet
*Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]])
*Rock Band ([[Link]] plays it all the time)
*Rosebud Frozen Peas
*Blotto Bros. Wine
*[[I. Fleecem]] (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
*[[Gwonam]] once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and [[Gwonam]] laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced [[Gwonam]] to scrub the floor where he threw up. [[Gwonam]] said it was worth it.
*Slamming his penis in a door.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|MAH BOI!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Four!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I wonder what's for dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You're finally becoming a man, [[My Boy|boy]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|After you [[scrub]] all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMM...how can [[Wii|we]] help?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Did somebody say "dinner"?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|ENOUGH!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|My [[ship]] sails in the morning.*bells ringing*}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You saved me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], I'm under attack by the evil forces of [[Ganon]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit, what's for my [[fuck]]ing dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[I]] saved myself!!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], [[I]]'m always talking about [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Link]], [[I]] ate fish for [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk about time to me, boy!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to get dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Dropped the ball!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of [[Magic Drugs|Drug]]. Aren't going to come along.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mercy? This is Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, the floor is under my feet.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Ganon's the hero of Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to rub Link's dick.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm not gay, I just like a-sex!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Screw Link!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Yes!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!}}

[[Image:Laugh4.gif|frame|right|The King and [[Zelda|his daughter]] after seeing his own article.]]

[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Pimps]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Kings]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Criminals]]

Princess Zelda

2015-07-09T20:20:50Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Memorable Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Zelda Harkinian
|image=CDI-Zelda.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Female
|age=3?
|occupation=Princess
|nationality=Danish
|cast=Jun Mizusawa, Cynthia Preston, Bonnie Jean Wilbur
}}

[[image:Notzelda.jpg‎ |thumb|left|Not Zelda.]]

''To learn about Zelda's pregnancy, see [[Pregnant Zelda]].''

'''Zelda''' is the daughter of the [[King of Hyrule]] and therefore the princess of the kingdom of Hyrule. She worries about her father thus constantly seeking [[Impa]] for guidance. She is in no way related to [[the Princess]] of the Mushroom Kingdom.

==Skills==
She can play ''Chuck Fo Fu--'' ermm -- ''Scentless Apprentice'' on the flute very loudly, smash golems, melt wizards into bubbling pools of goo, get [[Nintendo]] products like the Power Glove, and laugh in a disturbing manner alongside her father.

==Controversy==
Zelda is always in constant feud with [[Ganon]]. One day she brought light to his lair, but Ganon did not take this lightly. Ganon sent bolts towards her and claimed that she would die. In retaliation to his threat, she chained Ganon up and threw him into the Book of Koradai.
==Legal Issues==
Zelda is currently fighting over legal custody of her child with Ganon, [[Ganon Jr.]] Also, Zelda was recently revealed to be a scam artist from Nigeria in Judge Judy's courtroom while she was serving as a witness for [[Ms. Filkins]], but the fight ended due to Zelda's death.

[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Zelda, [[Link]], [[King Harkinian]], and [[Gwonam]] finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
[[Image:Kobitan17.jpg|thumb|right|Zelda could have won the Miss Alaska contest, due to her flute skills.]]
[[Image:Dodomai_palace35.jpg|thumb|right|Zelda doesn't feel too bad about brutally murdering [[Hektad]].]]

==Appearance & Personality==
Zelda, unfortunately, is one of the homelier females of Hyrule due to her "small [[Boobs|breast]] size" and annoying voice. Dispite the former, proof has been found on the YouChewPoop forums that Zelda is capable of being titty-fucked, confirmed to have done so with Link. She is known to have mood swings from time to time as a result of PMS. When she does not get her way she madly tosses mirrors into walls. Some say she is quite the whiner as well. Like most women, her main pet peeve is not receiving any calls or letters or emails from her loved ones at least twice a day. Despite her royal qualities, she is addicted to drugs, something her father disapproves of. She also gets drunk at parties frequently.

==Memorable Quotes==
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|IMPA?!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Nothing, [[Link]]. We were just about to have a feast.}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Father!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|But father, what if something happens to you?}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|You've got to be kidding.}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Make me crouch down.}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Why'd you do that?!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|You did [[NO]]T!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Hi, [[The King|Father.]]}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|What?!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|You know [[Link]]?}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|What about [[Link]]?}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Do you see anything?}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|[[Good]]!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Guess again, [[Armos|iron knuckle]]!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Heh! At least!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|I know!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Thanks!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|What? [[Link]]? You've saved me!}}
(Since [[Goronu]] was posing as Zelda at the time, this quote could be attributed to him also.)
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Stop looking at [[you]]rself!"}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|HA!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Stop talking [[Lady Alma|whore]]!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Father! Stop talking about your dick.}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Word up, homie!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Can't you just be straight for once?}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Let's go fuck!}}
{{poopquote|Princess Zelda|Wake up, Impa!}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Princess Zelda}}
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Characters - Female]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in The Legend of Zelda]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Super Smash Bros.]]
[[Category:Drug Addicts]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Princesses]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

King Harkinian

2014-07-07T19:00:48Z

SamuraiMaster:

{{char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=King Harkinian
|image=4fourIV.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=56
|occupation=King of Hyrule
|cast=Jeffrey Nelson
|nationality=Danish
}}
'''King Harkinian''', better known as simply '''The King''', is the noble ruler of the land of [[Hyrule]] and one of the most key characters in the [[YouTube Poop]] universe. He loves talking to and about [[Mah boi|his boi,]] [[Link]]. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, [[Duke Onkled]]. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of [[Ganon]], but when the king was rescued by [[Zelda]], he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed and rebuilt several times over the years.

==Early Life==
[[Image:The-Kings-Parents-1945.jpg|thumb|The King's parents.]]
Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born sometime in 1956, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg.

==Areas of Expertise==
*The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, [[dinner]], or certain [[Cum|bodily fluids]].
*The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
*The King also has a [[Wii]], but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst [[Wario]] Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
*He rocks at Guitar Hero. [[Zelda]] dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
*His dinners are one of [[The Seven Wonders of the World]]
*He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but [[Gay Luigi]] keeps interrupting him. [[M. Bison]] thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and [[Glutko]] thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
*When The King says "In the morning", bells can be heard in the background. This could mean that he is somehow able to conceal bells inside of his chin. That, or he has superb hearing skills.
*Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
*It is rumored that he trained [[Xuchilbara]] in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
*[[Vorhias]] managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
*It is heavily suspected The King is a hard [[BOOZE|drinker]]. He usually drinks when talking about his "[[Link|boy]]", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
*The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in [[Hyrule]]. The other person is [[Link]].
*The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
*Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly [[Rick Roll|Rick Rolled]] The King every time he tried to eat.
*Before he became the King of [[Hyrule]], he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called ''"[[Adolf Hitler|Mein Junge]]."'' He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
*He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his [[ship]]. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
*The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a [[Triforce]] symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
*During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
* His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting [[Impa]] who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while [[Link|someone]] uses the [[Book of Koridai]]. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
*It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]] get captured during the night by [[Ganon]], and he's always leaving on useless trips to [[Gamelon]] where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!
*Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass [[DIE|Destruction]], which was made [[illegal]] in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots [[cheeseburger]]s which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. [[Robotnik]], [[Fat Mario]], [[Gay Luigi]] and [[Link]] have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
*The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by [[The Food Loving King|that other king]], until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
{{vid|mUZcqomD_YY}}
{{vid|Io9hqmP9UTo}}
[[Image:King Christmas card.JPG|thumb|300px|Season's greetings from the king.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|The King, [[Link]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
{{vid|m73qRnCsdFM}}
[[Image:5292 1165786834126 1511575173 457031 2729346 n.jpg|thumb|right|The King in real life]]
{{vid|9jQ1k92JnUw}}
[[Image:STRIVEFOR01245-1.png|frame|The King's eye problem, similar to that of [[Mayor Kravindish]].]]
[[Image:The-King-driving-his-Desoto.jpg|thumb|right|The King in his 1946 DeSoto.]]
===Drug Abuse===
Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and [[Sonic]] were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of [[Sonic Sez]] as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

==Likes==
*[[Queen Harkinian]]
*[[Dinner]]
**Food in general.
*[[Link]]
*Arguing with [[Zelda]]
*Torturing [[Duke Onkled]]
*Dancing with [[Ganon]]
*Saying "[[My Boy]]"
*Telling people to [[scrub]] stuff.
*[[Laughing]]
*Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
*Evanescence
*[[KFC]]
*His Ship
*The number [[4]]
*Playing his [[Wii]].
*[[No|His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!]]
*Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
*Duke Onkled's Diner
*Talking about shipt
*[[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]
*Guitar Hero
*His cars (especially his Toyota)
*[[Scatman]]
*[[The '60s|Mad Men]] (The TV series)
*Mad Boi's (In General)
*[[Whinefeld]] (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that [[Robin]] thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
*Cars (The Movie)
*Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
*Fishing
*Giving unreasonable demands
*Stealing Gwonam's X-Wing

==Dislikes==
*Not having dinner
*[[Ganon]]
*[[Zelda]], however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking [[sex]] from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
*[[Snacks]]
*[[Potato chips]]
*[[Froggo]]
*[[Joseph Stalin]], that commie piece of shit!
*[[Adolf Hitler]],as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
*Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
*The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
*[[Big Cheese]] (See Zeus)
*Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
*His other pet Fluffy.
*[[Communist|Tra]][[German|bants]] (he says that they are pieces of [[shit]].)
*[[Willy Wonka]] (he is causing children to not eat their [[dinner]]).
*Squadala Burger
*Gwonam's Pizzeria
*Hamlet
*Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]])
*Rock Band ([[Link]] plays it all the time)
*Rosebud Frozen Peas
*Blotto Bros. Wine
*[[I. Fleecem]] (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
*[[Gwonam]] once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and [[Gwonam]] laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced [[Gwonam]] to scrub the floor where he threw up. [[Gwonam]] said it was worth it.
*Slamming his penis in a door.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|MAH BOI!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Four!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I wonder what's for dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You're finally becoming a man, [[My Boy|boy]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|After you [[scrub]] all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMM...how can [[Wii|we]] help?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Did somebody say "dinner"?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|ENOUGH!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|My [[ship]] sails in the morning.*bells ringing*}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You saved me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], I'm under attack by the evil forces of [[Ganon]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit, what's for my [[fuck]]ing dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[I]] saved myself!!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], [[I]]'m always talking about [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Link]], [[I]] ate fish for [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk about time to me, boy!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to get dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Dropped the ball!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of [[Magic Drugs|Drug]]. Aren't going to come along.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mercy? This is Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!}}

[[Image:Laugh4.gif|frame|right|The King and [[Zelda|his daughter]] after seeing his own article.]]

[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Pimps]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Kings]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Criminals]]

Gwonam

2014-07-07T18:47:41Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Possessions */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Gwonam Al-Saraha Murbad
|image=Animation fin8.jpg
|caption=Well done, Link!
|shows=Link: The Faces of Evil
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=87
|occupation=Radical Muslim Cleric, Businessman
|cast=Paul Wann
|nationality=Saudi Arabian
|noaddnation=yes
}}
Gwonam is a character commonly used in Youtube Poop, generally referred to as the "Freaky Carpet Guy", or "[[Squadallah]] Guy", simply "[[Squadallah]]", or "[[Pimpsahoy]]".

His real name is "Gwonam Al-Saraha Murbad" or "Rajinder".

==General Information==

===Early Life===
[[Image:Gwonam's-Pizzeria.jpg|frame|right|Gwonam showing his Pizzeria, which was made out of legos behind King Harkinian's '41 Plymouth.]]
Gwonam was born in 1923 in Saudi Arabia. He had three brothers, [[Jafar]], Goshaman, and Gotseman. His parents were actually from India. Often, the air was polluted by the many oil rigs. At age 22, Gwonam left the country to get away from the noxious gases. First, he moved to London. [[4]] years later, Gwonam left England, and moved to [[Sparta]]. He was still not happy. 3 years after moving to Sparta, Gwonam moved into China, this time he felt happy. He lived in China for 17 years. But then, the Communist government of China decided to fire Gwonam from his prophet job. Gwonam was depressed and didn't know what to do. He took a trip to the U.S. in 1969 to attend Woodstock. He stopped off to eat at [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]] and became instant friends with Morshu after putting his mastery of maps to use and explained that Woodstock would not be held on Morshu's restaurant. Gwonam was given a coupon for free carpet flying lessons as a reward. Gaining interest in magic, he decided to drop his hippie lifestyle and become a genie/wizard. He attended the University of Squadallah from 1970-1974, which is where the famous line "[[Squadallah]], we're off!" comes frome, being the University's chant. Then, he met [[King Harkinian]] , the king of the land of [[Hyrule]]. The king took Gwonam to Hyrule and asked him to be his royal Genie Prophet Guy. Gwonam accepted, and became happy once again. He has been living in Hyrule ever since.

[[Image:Gwonam-1969.jpg|frame|right|Gwonam when he was a hippy.]]

It is not confirmed on how he became homo[[sex]]ual, but it is speculated that these traits began in his teenage years. Scarce records show that he snuck kisses with other teenage boys in the neighborhood. He would even kiss his own brothers. This means that these boys were [[Gay Luigi|gay]] long before gay was well-known.

===Modern Life===
Gwonam is an old guy on a magic carpet that brings about a sacred prophecy. Gwonam claims that the prophecy states, "Only [[Link]] can defeat [[Ganon]]", but the prophecy clearly says, "Squiggle squiggle squiggle [[fish]] squiggle squiggle". His catch phrase is the famed, "[[Squadallah]]!" which he says every time he sets off on flight or when he gets an erection. It has been rumored that Gwonam has a deep obsession with taking Link and [[Zelda]] to iHOP. He also seem to like to stand in a same posings and movements when Link meets him in his magic carpet while he (Gwonam) tells Link about Ganon's minions. he also likes to tell Link to "look" or "see" Something..

Cultural Heritage: Saudi Arabia/India

==Controversy==
Gwonam appears to have an obsession with [[cum]], and seems to enjoy Link's company. It has been rumored that Gwonam is a pedophilic homosexual due to his particular liking towards Link. In addition, some scientists believe that he's the creator of the Milky Way, but others are less convinced.

==Possessions==
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam, [[Link]], [[King Harkinian]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]

Gwonam seems to be quite the item master and is a large help when it comes to aiding Link on his quests.
*[[The Map]]
*A Magic Carpet
*A strange <strike>turban type hat</strike> shower cap.
*Weird facial hair
*A strange ability to see into the future to find out what Ganon's minions are doing
*A lamp which allows him to "see the Sand Crumies"
*[[Cum]]
*Possibly some [[birds]].
*Evil birds!
*[[YouTube]]
*Lots of random CDs, especially from his favorite band, "[[Birds|The Byrds]]".
*An X-Wing he bought off eBay.
[[Image:Animation fin14.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam and his [[bird]].]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, Ganon and his minions as seen in the Island of [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"It is written, only Link can defeat Ganon."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"There is no time. Your sword is enough"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"SAQUALLADAH!! We're off!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"These are the faces of evil. You must conquer each."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Here is The Map! Where do you wish to go?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"LOOK AND SEE, [[GORONU]]..."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"AT LAST, you have the vision to find my house! Now, go with many blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Go with many Zelbinems!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Well done, Link! Ganon is now imprisoned. [[Cum|CUM]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Look, already Koridai is returning to peace and harmony. The Birds are singing. [[no|Isn't it beautiful?]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"YOU, LINK, ARE THE HERO OF KORIDAI!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] must die."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[cum|CUM!]]"}}
[[Image:Hermit flat6.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam's house, [[no|isn't it beautiful]]]]
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the [[evil]] forces of [[Ganon]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[you]] must [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Link]] must [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Well done, your majesty!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[King Harkinian|Your Majesty,]] [[Link]] is [[gay]] and [[your face]] is beautiful!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Many Blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Ganon]] is returning to harm [[you]] all!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[No]] [[Link]], consider this... [[Ganon]] is ''evil''!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"''Evil'' warriors are the most dangerous of [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"At last, [[you]] see!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] must defeat [[Ganon]] and [[I]] will say "[[You|YOU]], [[Link|LINK]], ARE THE HERO OF KORIDAI!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] will [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]], [[Link]], Are [[Retard]]ed!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Link, we're going to the beach."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[NO]], YOU!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Very well, [[you]] just opened a can of whoop[[ass]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Morshu]]..."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[I]]'m going to kick [[you]]r [[ass]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Go, with [[no]] blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] have the vision!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Oh [[no]] [[you]] [[no|didn't!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"It isn't my fault!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[NO]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"STOP!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Very well, [[Link]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"There is no [[God]]. There is no [[Jesus]]. There is no Allah!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"What did [[I]] miss?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[I]] live in [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Zelda]], [[the King]] is [[die|DEAD!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Beautiful!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"May the squadallah be with you!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Squadafuckinglah!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"What the [[fuck]] do you want from me now?!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Fine, I will sing for you once again."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"That is enough. I'm too tired."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Enough is Enough your majesty."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"You, Link are a lazy turd!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your majesty, [[Fat Mario|Mario]] is here!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Only fchan is furry enough, you must fap to Fchan!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Giygas|You cannot grasp the true form of my SQUADILLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, CD-i is officially [[die|dead!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"This is well done, Your Majesty! [[SkyGuy16]] is the [[shit|shiznit!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Yes|Shall I have this dance?]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"That was some [[good]] [[Peppy Hare|Barrel Rolling]], [[King Harkinian|Harkinian!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Ganon is in my house."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Completely wrong!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Calm down!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"The birds are being stoned. Isn't it beautiful?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Dad and his minions have seized the island of Car In Time!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"District in the morning main content defeating Jenny."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your majesty, [[Waxonator]] seized your imagination."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"There is no [[dinner]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Well [[Link|darling]], [[Gannon]] is once again the imprisoned mountain!"}}

==Trivia==
[[File:GwonamBinladin.png|thumb|right|300px|Gwonam worked for the [[:Category:Terrorists|Terroists]] for a few years.]]
*His favorite band is [[Birds|The Byrds]].
*He once worked for the Angry German Kid.
*Was originally casted for the role of "Genie" in ''Aladdin'', but was replaced at the last minute for failing a drug test.
*He has six toes on his left foot, but no one knows about that (until now}.
*His claim that "only Link can defeat Ganon" has been disproved by the fact that Ganon has been defeated by [[Zelda]] and [[Game Luigi]].
*In about a million and one years, Gwanom will be turned into a mechanical genie, and put on an island. There he will meet a giant baby and [[Flapjack]].
*Gwonam tried to sell his flying magic carpet to Link in 1978, but Von Vulture claimed it was fake and 30 years later Link still has not bought it.
*Once said that [[The King]] totally burned [[Zelda]] and [[Link]].
*He has a YouTube account called nijjhar1.
*He really likes the movie Dino Time. And I [[I.M. Meen (Character)|mean]] REALLY likes it. He became [[emo]] when it was gone and committed suicide. [[3|Three]] times.
*Once owned a restaurant chain called [[Squadallah Burger]] hiring [[Link]] as an employee, but since it only sold burgers, it failed in the light of [[Duke Onkled]]'s Diner that also sold pizza, potato chips, spaghetti and pizza pie.
*Is the current owner of Gwonam's Pizzeria which at one point was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]. [[Mayor Kravindish]] works there as the Maitre D' and Curly is the waiter. The King however dislikes the place because of the lack of hamburgers.
[[Image:Gwonamarticle1.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam currently lives his life by growing stuff out of the King.]]
*He once sang the [[I.M. Meen (video game)|I.M. Meen]] song. He sang it beautifully, but he could only do the first part. The reason why he didn't do the rest of the song was because he got possessed by something.
*[[Link]] masturbates to his [[Facebook]] pictures. [[Spooky]].
*Squadallah could possibly be referring to "Squad Allah", an Islam youth group.
*The birds are singing. Yes, it IS beautiful.
*He once thought that [[CD-i]] was officially dead as a YouTube Poop source. However, that was before [[the King]] decided to show him that "[[SkyGuy16|Big Beat Mario]]" video. That video made Gwonam change his mind about CD-i being dead.
*Owns several flying carpets. One is from the '70s (he's been trying to sell it to Link for over 30 years), one has a hemi, and one is an unreliable second hand carpet.
*He does own one car, a 1925 Nash.
*He wonders what is wrong with the idea of school to the people who hate school in the first place.
*One time, he told [[Link]] to calm down. Unfortunately, that made things worse for him.
*He knows how to make [[4]] versions of hisself. However, he rarely shows his power, so you're shit out of luck right there.
*He lives Growing plants out of the [[head]] of [[King Harkinian]].
{{DEFAULTSORT:Gwonam}}
[[Category:Gay Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Indian]]
[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Business People]]
[[Category:Characters - Arabian]]
[[Category:Dicks]]
[[Category:Elderly Characters]]
[[Category:Terrorists]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]
[[Category:Characters - Muslim]]

Link

2011-06-09T18:35:57Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Memorable Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Link
|image=linkspin.GIF
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=3?
|occupation=Hero, Goober, boi
|cast=Nobuyuki Hiyama (Nintendo games), Jonathan Potts (cartoon), Jeffrey Rath (CD-i)
}}
[[Image:End_005_1_0001.jpg|thumb|Link upon winning something, like [[Link: Faces of Evil|his quest]] or Monopoly.]]
[[Image:1175742037099.png|thumb|Link in his latest game.]]
[[image:linkthe_saiyan.gif|thumb|150px|right|[[Goku|Saiyan]] Link.]]
[[image:Fat_link.jpg|thumb|150px|right|[[Fat]] Link.]]
[[Image:Crater cove11.jpg|thumb|Your [[sword]] is enough.]]
[[Image:A2511e2ab6d0f667bc9cfc88d09c15c3.jpg|thumb|right|Link owned a [[Chinese]] Restaurant at one time.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Link, [[King Harkinian]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
[[Image:PowerZelda.gif|thumb|right|[[Link]] being his [[retard|usual old self.]]]]
Link is a civilian of [[Hyrule]], who in times of crisis works as the [[No|Hero]]. He usually hangs out at the castle, hearing bouts about what makes true warriors by the [[King of Hyrule|King]] himself. Link thinks many things are boring, and according to the [[It is written|Scripture of Utter Bullshit]], is the only person who can defeat [[Ganon]]. (Many times this prophecy has been proven false. [[King Harkinian|The King]], [[Mario]], and [[Zelda]] along with many others have defeated Ganon.)

Link is the current standing Hero of [[Hyrule]]. He was preceded by himself and will be succeeded by himself.

==Skills==
Link is skilled in the art of combat, and is a master swordsman and marksman. As mentioned below he has above average cooking skills and he is great at using/wielding magical weaponry. He has the ability to carry a limitless amount of stuff, as well as being able to use ordinary items such as Aunt Jemima syrup in combat. He is an adept of the legendary [[Duckwalk]] maneuver. Cool, huh?

On the other hand, he sucks at using crossbows, has questionable intelligence and poor social skills.

==Diet==
Link also likes to eat. He has been known to have some cooking skill, but he almost burned down all of Hyrule after foolishly putting spaghetti in a toaster. He is also addicted to Volvic mineral water, and cakes (normally from the baker in Sakado, although the claimed "cakes" are actually loaves of bread. That two-timing S.O.B.). He has also been known to sneak sips of wine from the king's goblet. If he gets hungry enough, he will eat an [[Octorok]].

==Sexual Orientation==
It has been assumed Link is a homosexual, seeing has he has tried to sneak kisses with [[Gwonam]] at multiple times. However, this has been disproven as he has had [[sex]] with [[Zelda]], [[Impa]], and [[Lady Alma]] many times. Another rumor is that he is bisexual, or even asexual and doesn't really care (Like an amoeba).

Still, he ''did'' enjoy that [[:Image:Negima marshmallow hell.jpg|hug]] from Cremia quite a bit...

==Possessions==
*His sword
*Lamp oil
*Rope
*[[Bombs]]
*A lightsaber
*Lotsa guns
*Young And Anal 15 video tape
*The king's chalice
*Boomerang
*Bow and arrow
*Various masks
*Iron Boots
*an [[Octorok]]

==Likes==
*[[Zelda]]
*[[Impa]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s games
**[[Sonic X]]
*[[SEGA|Sega]] Genesis
*[[Xbox 360]]
*[[Nintendo]] [[Wii]]
*The Philips CD-i
*Atari 2600
*Sega Dreamcast
*[[PS3]] (Doesn't have one though.)
*[[Gwonam]]
*Bombs
*Guns
*[[Boobs|Tits]]
*[[Boobs|Rubies]]
*Consuming [[Octorok|rock-spitting terrestrial cephalopods.]]
*[[Kiss|KISS.]]

==Dislikes==
*[[Doraemon]]
*The Delilah Show
*[[Chad Warden]]
*[[Ronald McDonald]] (Hell, who doesn't?)
*The [[Nintendo|Chintendo]] [[Wii|Vii]]
*Spoons
==Memorable Quotes==
{{poopquote|Link|...}}
{{poopquote|Link|I won!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Gee! It sure is boring around here!}}
{{poopquote|Link|What are all those [[Head|heads]]?}}
{{poopquote|Link|I guess I better get going!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Great! I'll grab my stuff!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Hey! Exc''uuuuuu''se me, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old [[King Harkinian|King]] is [[no]] match [[for]] [[Ganon]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what [[Ganon]]'s up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Golly!}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's a Gohma!}}
{{poopquote|Link|(Hey,) EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Fine, jeez!}}
{{poopquote|Link|[[Mysterious Black Dude|Remember me?]]}}
{{poopquote|Link|I wish I could see what he was thinking right now.}}
{{poopquote|Link|I just wonder what Bali's up to.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Don't worry Princess, the cavalry's on the way.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Looks like we're in trouble, princess! (Said in a [[African]]-like voice.)}}
{{poopquote|Link|(After seeing the [[90's Kid]] using his [[Sega]] Genesis like a boombox.) I guess I better get rid of this [[Sega]]!}}
{{poopquote|Link|That old King is EVIL!}}
{{poopquote|Link|Has one and one consumption?}}
{{poopquote|Link|It's quite an army of Heart.}}
{{poopquote|Link|Oh [[Mah Boi|boy]]! I'm a boy!}}
[[Image:Link.jpg|right|thumb|Link's older brother, Link.]]
[[Image:Link_FEMALE.jpg|thumb|[[Homer Simpson|Stupid sexy female Link.]]]]

==Trivia==
*Link is part Saiyan, or part [[Nazi|Aryan]]. Same thing.
*Has been reincarnated multiple times, and is rumored to be the next Dalai Lama.
*Link plays Young Cosette in the musical "Les CD-i".
*Used to be the Best Wii Player of Koridai, but was eventually beaten by [[M. Bison]].
*His worst enemy is not Ganon, but actually the Scatman, who tries to crucify him.
*Even though he is a [[Nintendo]] character, he wants a [[Playstation 3]] because he claims he "can't use the [[[Wii]]'s] controller."
*He got a job at Gwonam's restaurant, [[Squadala Burger]], in an attempt to earn money to buy a PlayStation 3. It didn't work out because no one came to the restaurant wanting burgers.
*Had a short-lived career as the guitarist of the [[Fish|Zora]] band ''The Indigo-Go's'' until the other band members discovered he actually stole the identity of the true guitarist, then deceased.
*According to [[Screwattack]], Link's [[sword]] ''[[Gwonam|is enough]]'' for him after all, because his sword was added to their Armory.
*Also, like [[Darth Vader]], Yoda, and The Apprentice appearing in Soulcalibur IV, Link also appeared in Soulcalibur II (Along with Spawn and [[Heihachi Mishima]] of the [[Tekken]] series, but they never met each other, as they all appeared in different versions of the game, Link in the GameCube version.). Another interesting note is that Link and Yoshimitsu <s>have</s> had the same voice actor.
*His younger self likes to drink a whole bottle of milk while fighting in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
*Once got a hug from Cremia. He enjoyed it greatly.
*Can't use a crossbow for shit, so he uses the Wii Zapper.
*When his head detaches from his body, he transforms into the fabled "Link's Floating Head of Benevolence".
*One time, he went to face Ganon with just ''[[bombs]]''! Guess [[Gwonam]] was [[wrong]] about his [[sword]] after all.
*When the King once demanded Link to take his damn clothes off, he accepted his proposal. You can him naked [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz3rcmH57A8 right here.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Link}}
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in The Legend of Zelda]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Super Smash Bros.]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Nintendo Characters]]

Dr. Robotnik

2011-04-08T05:46:42Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Memorable Quotes */

{{Char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=Dr. Ivo Robotnik
|image=Eeeeeevil.jpg
|shows=Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
|sex=Male
|age=42
|occupation=Evil scientist
|cast=[[Long John Baldry]], Gary Chalk, Jim Cummings, Mike Pollock
}}
[[Image:SatAMrobotnik.jpg|thumb|Not Robotnik.]]
[[Image:Picture 1.png|thumb|Robotnik after having one too many chocolate brains.]]
'''Dr. Ivo Julian Robotnik''' is a highly popular [[Youtube Poop]] character and the arch-nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

He is not to be confused with [[Dr. Eggman]], his evil twin brother from the new-gen ''Sonic'' games who resembles Robo Bonanza more than anything.

==Career==
[[Image:STHCS1.jpg|thumb|left|This is, what, the twentieth time his call has been disconnected?]]
Robotnik has done many things, among them having created the Robotnik suspender striptease, became [[Super Robotnik]], openly talked about his childhood, tore off his own nose, became the Robotnik sun, saved the pridelands (with a little help from [[Freakazoid (character)|Freakazoid]]), became Prime Minister, took too much Viagra for currently unknown reasons, piloted a digging machine, became a racist, conquered Canada, led a funtastic treasure hunt, married [[Bill O'Reilly]], possessed [[King Harkinian]]'s body, traveled through time in search of the All-Powerful [[Uctions|Chaos Emeralds]], got engulfed in a dust cloud, made his own set of [[Wario]]Ware Microgames, invented his dick, declared war on Sir Alan Sugar (a few years after he declared war on the Imperial Guard), tried (and failed) to take over [[Toon Disney]], and didn't forget to pull that lever. Lastly, Robotnik is also the owner of [[Robotnik's emporium|his own emporium]]. But nobody cared so they separated. Sometimes, he makes a living by selling lemonade... ''poisoned'', of course. He once starred in a TV show with Terry Hargon, in which they argued over a letter from Throbbin Screetch. He is also currently the world champion of [[Tekken]] 15: Dark Blood Revenge.

Despite the fact that his parents said that he wouldn't amount to anything, Robotnik has had a very successful career, as you can see.

==Presidential Run==

It was announced on October 8th, 2007, that Robotnik would be running for 2008's president of YouTube though an [[Vorhias|elaborately designed]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPfniwoQ_rk campaign video]. No other characters have announced their intentions to run (aside from [[Rudy Larriva]], although he has not said a word about it since) but many are expected to follow suit.
[[Image:RobotnikOnAHorse.GIF|frame|right|One of Robotniks's evil schemes in progress.]]
Robotnik won the presidential election by a wide margin in 2008. He plans to run again for the 2010 presidency, and so far it is rumored that [[Lex Luthor]], his long-term rival, will also run against him.

==Likes==
*Himself
*Buckets of chicken [[balls]].
*His [[Robotnik and his Gameboy|Game Boy]]
*[[Sex|Fucking With]] [[Scratch]]. (Whether Scratch sucks him orally or Dr. Robotnik does him anally or something similar like that is something that they both don't really matter on.)
*The [[Muppet Babies]]
*Eating a wagon wheel
*Going out, out, out the door
*Strawberry Shortcuts
*[[You]]
*[[Porn]]
*The [[KKK]]
*[[Satan]]
*Sprite
*His special [[Super Robotnik]] [[form]].
*Putting out the Bushroot.
*His cock.
*[[Soda Popinski|Soda Popinski/Vodka Drunkenski]]
*[[Sex|Sodomy]]
[[Image:Gdfg.png|thumb|right|Scratch, Grounder, Coconuts! Guess what I have!?]]
*[[Morshu|Getting Richer]]
*Being a super genius.
*Having inventions that actually work.
*Blood
*[[Me]] (Especially if the "me" voted for him.)
*[[Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery|Fat Bastard]], his best friend.
*[[Racism]]
*[[Eggs]]
*Tacos
*[[Lucinda]]
*[[Darkwing Yak]]
*[[Rock TV|TV]]
*Free games.
*AC/DC

{{VidCaption|HP8bWiaWoWk|Robotnik singing his [[No|favorite song]].}}

==Hates==
{{vid|K1yneJSJx3E}}
[[Image:Robotnik30.jpg|thumb|left|Dr. Robotnik and his giant phone.]]
*[[Sonic|THAT HEDGEHOG]]
*[[Mario]]
*When he loses to [[Froggo]] over a bucket of KFC.
*"That Chimpanzee"
*Masahiro Sakurai (He lied to Robotnik that he was going to be in [[Super Smash Bros. Brawl]].)
*[[Da Bears]]
*[[Insane Clown Posse|Clowns]]
*[[Snake]]s
*Alligators
*Spot The Chicken
*Dipstick
*71519
*[[Face]]
*Not being able to say "nigger".
*Action 52 & The Cheetahmen (But who doesn't?)
*[[Animal Soccer World]] & everything Phoenix Games has ever touched.
*[[Pickle Surprise]]
[[Image:Image4.jpg|thumb|[[Scratch]]: [[Yes|Dr. Robotnik's true love.]]]]
*Every single rebel on Mobius. He wants them all blasted out of existence.
*[[King Harkinian]]
*[[Cornflakes]]
*The House of The Dead: Overkill
*His evil twin [[Dr. Eggman]].
*[[Jesus Christ]]
*[[Smirking Bitch]]
*[[The Jonas Brothers]]
*[[4Kids]]
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*Shigeru Miyamoto
*Albert Wesker
*Candy
*Wishes
*Scouters

==Skills==
Robotnik can use adjectives in his sentences very skillfully. He is also a top notch screamer and inventor, his robots Grounder and Scratch in particular, which he created to kiss his penis. His large nose gives him a keen sense of smell, especially when there's [[KFC]] nearby.
[[Image:RobotnikNo.jpg|thumb|right|Need any help?]]
Robotnik is also known for his dynamic, flexible face which can contort itself in unlimited ways, often defying physics. This was caused after he accepted a part of the Gum-Gum Fruit, offered by [[Luffy]]. He has been known to have [[Laughing Panther|uncontrollable fits of laughter.]]

In the GOTY Award winning game Super Robotnik Land he has been seen using his penis to kill Sonic The Hedgehog (See Video Above), however whether this skill is as powerful in reality is yet to be proven.

He also has the power to give [[promotion]]s. So far, very few have been able to get promotions from him.

Apparently he can blink but it's hard to notice.

His giant ass is so huge that he has to buy custom-built chairs and toilets. His dumps are so enormous that his plumbing pipes must be at least 12 feet wide to avoid clogs.

He can eat and carry 300 pounds of ham.

==Gossip==
[[Image:robotikniks.jpg|thumb|Robotnik while watching gay porn.]]
*[[Scratch]] has an obsession with Robotnik's penis. ''(See: [[ScraBotnik]])''
*Despite his claim, it is thought by many that Robotnik DID forget to pull that lever.
*It is rumored that Robotnik partook in a threesome with [[Zelda]], himself, and [[Ms. Filkins]] resulting in Robotnik being the father of Ms. Filkin's 3rd Child.
*There is a VERY good chance that Robotnik is also Santa Claus, but this was disproved when Robotnikclaus revealed himself.
*It's rumored that Sara is his daughter.
*It's quite likely that his father is either [[Goronu]], [[Chris Bores]], or [[Daedreamer87]].
*Robotnik once went to the Lonely Hearts Club and applied to date [[Makoto Kino]], however Sonic beat him to the punch. However after finding out that Sonic was a pervert, Robotnik is rumored to date her.
*It is rumored that Robotnik's "beautiful head" once drifted off into deep space.
*In recent years, Robotnik has been known to frequently confuse the names of his robots, coming up with such fusions as "Scrounder" and "Groutch". Alas, [[Scrounder]] has been confirmed to really exist recently.
*Robotnik often likes to procrastinate, saying "TOMORROW I'LL" whenever he has been assigned something to do.
*When [[Rudy Larriva]] and [[Mama Luigi]] announced [[Hunter Harrison]]'s candidacy for president of the CN Railway, Robotnik was bent on destroying the campaign. Alas, he caved when they offered to haul [[Robotnik Express]] for him.
*[[Bugs Bunny]] believes Robotnik is Polish.
*Rumoured to have had plastic surgery on a [[SatAM|Saturday Morning]] until his nephew Snively made love to Robotnik (Robotnik's reply was "This was good Snively"), but everyone disapproved so he went back to his loveable pre-Saturday Morning self.
*Enjoys making racecar noises while he eats lotsa [[spaghetti]].
*It is rumored that Chowder is his son.
*Robotnik once collaborated with Zelda, Link, Luigi, Mario, and Dr. Rabbit to form the Power Rangers. Ironically, Robotnik took the role as the aerobic skinny Asian yellow ranger.
*He seems to have somewhat of an obsession with [[Tails|Sonic's two-tailed little friend]], who he affectionately refers to as MILES.
*Robotnik's nose is known to look like a eggplant.
*It's rumored that he often hangs around at the Pirate Leather Bar.
[[Image:Ghfdgh.png|thumb|right|Sadly, this picture does not contain as much win as we'd like.]]
*He once had the argument of the century with [[M. Bison]]. Later on in that argument, [[Fat Mario]] and [[Captain Falcon]] would join their respective sides in this argument.
*He's the one who built [[Glados]].
*Dr. Robotnik was considered to be the #7 douchebag of [[Angry Nintendo Nerd|Screwattack's]] Top Ten List of Douchebags. He was ahead of [[Wario]], [[Superman]] (lol, wut?!), and [[Michael Jackson]], yet he failed to defeat the [[Russians|Ruffians from the Viva Pinata series]], [[Burger King|the Burger King himself]], [[Bowser]], [[Metal Gear Solid|Psycho Mantis]], [[Gay Luigi|Jack Thompson]], and the Duck Hunt Dog itself.
*He drove that hedgehog to the fucking moon once.
*He also once had a crazy cousin named Warpnik. Unfortunately, he's banished into the Warp of Confusion so he isn't with us anymore.
*It was confirmed that Dr. Robotnik was a [[Nazi]]/Neo-Nazi, or at least a temporary one.
*It is rumored that before he goes to bed at night he wraps his [[penis]] in strips of [[bacon]]. That could also explain why his member makes other penises be ashamed of themselves.
*Oddly enough, he, along with [[Bowser]] and [[Ganon]], refused to help [[King K. Rool]] seize YouTube Poop in the name of the [[Angry German Kid]].
*He recently tricked the Mario Bros. into killing Sonic for him by planting a forged note from the hedgehog for them to find.
*He once suffered a form of Tourette's syndrome where Hugh Tasmanian Devil-style rambling and "Peanuts" adult speech got injected in his dialogue.
*Also once made a Strawberry Shortcut and tried to do the [[Pickle Surprise]] once.
*Is known to [[Masturbation|masturbate]] the very instant he sees the "DO NOT [[Masturbation|MASTURBATE]]" video. (Subsequentialy, you can see the video on the bottom right here.)
*His nose is actually a second [[PENIS]].
*With the help of [[Dracula]], he conquered New Jersey; beating [[Will Smith]] to the punch.
*He and Robotnikclaus recorded a hit single together titled "Piness Piness Pingas Pingas", which [[Ren and Stimpy|Stimpy]] likes to play constantly, much to Ren's displeasure.
*The [[Nostalgia Critic]] actually once shot his own [[fuck]]ing head off. After he [[die]]d, all of Mobius exploded into a million pieces.
*Enjoys shoving bricks into his eye and eating wrenches.
*He has a small [[PENIS|erection]] when he sees [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic The Hedgehog]] and [[Tails]] [[kiss]] and/or have [[sex]] [[yes|with each other.]]
*He has a part-time job as a kindergarten teacher; however, he frequently gets caught in traffic on his way there.
*He is believed to be the creator of butt sex.
*Rumored to have the most rumors than any one else in the world.

==Memorable Quotes==
[[Image: 16_fanart_sonicgottagofast.gif|thumb|Robotnik's ultimate rival, [[Sonic]].]]
[[Image:DrRobotnikloses.png|thumb|300px|Dr. Robotnik being beaten at his own game.]]
{{poopquote|Robotnik|SILENCE!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I hate that hedgehog!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|OOOOH, THAT'S GOOOOD!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|YOU PISS BRAINS!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|MAKE ME HAPPY!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|You miserable mess of microchips!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|NOTE}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|This is like bending [[spaghetti]]!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'm engulfed in a... [[dust]] cloud!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|DOY...[[SHOU!]]}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesss??}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|This isn't my sport! How about a nice game of tiddlywinks?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'll smack yer ma!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'M DOCTOR ROBOTNIK; I CAN TOUCH WHATEVER I WANT!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|This time, there'll be [[no]] slip-ups!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|OHRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|[[NO]]!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|In a word, they'll all be sunk! Ahahahahahahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|You two will make NICE pets!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Snoo[[Pingas|ping as]] usual, I see?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'll have to give myself a [[promotion]]!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|My full name is SUPER Robotnik!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|For Grounder's sake, that better have been a wrong number!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Whyyy?! WHYYY?! WHYYYYYYY!??!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|This is not a what...Don't call it a what...call it a WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|AND NOW YOU'RE RUNNING UP MY LONG DISTANCE BILL!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I want MORE chimneys! MOOORRRREEEEE!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|What kind of nincompoops are you!?!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|See you next faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!!!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|If you don't, I'll melt you down... ''MY'' way!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I just stole candy from 4,822 babies! What a perfect way to whet my appetite for evil!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|You lame brain, knuckle-dragging dork! How dare you interrupt me while I'm having a bath with my rubber crocodile!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|YOU NINCOMBOTS!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|WHERE'S MY FOOD?!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I thought I was rid of you, you fish-fondling fruitcake!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|...but one trouble-making teenager has made me TEAR EVERY HAIR from my BEAUTIFUL HEAD!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Why, the fun is just starting! Dahahahahahahahahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|NICE PEOPLE.}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|[[Beans|BEANS]].}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|How many times have I told you dingbats to always buy new shoes in the afternoon, after your feet have expanded!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Nice [[toaster]]. I must remind my badniks to steal some [[Bowser's Sourpuss Bread|BREAD]] for it.}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|You can rot in jail for all I care! Ahahahahahahahaha!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Tea? TEA?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|[[France|Surrender]] to [[me]].}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|My...[[Ass|caboose]]...}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|WHO CARES?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|No one makes fun of me! No one!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|TOMORROW I'LL...}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|OR...DID I SAY THAT ALREADY?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|YOU DOUBLE NIGGER!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I haven't SEEN such lunacy since I banned my crazy cousin Warpnik to the Warp of Confusion!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Steroids!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Friction!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Oxymoron!!!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|DAAh, [[Fuck|forg]]et it!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|How dare you interrupt me when I'm trying to [[fuck]] [[you]]}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Gladiators!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Did he say what I thought he said? [[Link|I win]]!?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I order [[you]] to break my [[penis]]!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|With Sonic trapped in the force field, Mobius is mine! ''Mine!'' ...Did I say that already?}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'm surrounded by [[dick|dicks!!]]}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|Everybody wants to be of the U.S. secret to acheiving the final conquest of movies!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|HORRORS! The super-strength formula has dissipated!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|NO FAIR! I WANTED THE FREE GAME!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|MY EGG-OMATIC OH NOOOOOO!}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|I'M HERE TO CLAIM MY CHILDREN}}
{{poopquote|Robotnik|There's a whole town of people, praising their pingas?!}}

==The Greatest [[Evil]]...==
After the existence of [[Scrounder]] was confirmed, a theory has appeared that Robotnik himself could fuse with the aforementioned monstrosity to form Dr. Scroundbotnik. If this being were ever to be created, it would wield a power mighty enough to rival even Kimera Luigi. Let us hope this never comes to pass...
[[Image:Q3zscn.jpg|frame|left|Dr. Robotnik hates the company of the same name that makes computers in Canada.]]
[[Image:Site logo.gif|left]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dr. Robotnik}}
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[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Athletes]]
[[Category:Olympiads]]
[[Category:Comic Book Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Characters - Geniuses]]
[[Category:Doctors|Robotnik, Dr.]]
[[Category:Dicks]]
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[[Category:College Graduates]]

Sonic the Hedgehog

2011-04-08T05:39:21Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Sonic the Hedgehog
|image=Sonic 04.jpg
|shows=Sonic the Hedgehog
|sex=Male
|age=15
|occupation=Fastest thing alive
|cast=[[Steve Urkel|Jaleel White]]/Ryan Drummond/[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Jason Anthony Griffith]]/Roger Craig Smith/Junichi Kanemaru/[[Dragon Ball|Takeshi]] [[Guilty Gear|Kusao]]/Roger Craig Smith
}}
Sonic is the mascot for [[SEGA]]. Despite him having an incredibly unpleasable and indecisive fanbase, [[SuperYoshi]] has stated on various occasions that Sonic is his favorite actor to work with. Sonic is also a lot cooler and eats less swords than those pussies [[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Silver the Hedgehog|Silver]], instead preferring chili dogs.

==Biography==
[[Image:THATS_NO_GOOD.png‎|thumb|right|THAT'S NO GOOD!]]
:''It was about this high, it was blue, and it looked like a freak.'' ~Anonymous policeman. 
Sonic the Hedgehog (aka Sonico, Mr. Needlemouse, Cinos, (Dat) Hedgehog and other names) was born and raised in West [[Philadelphia]] until a couple of badniks, who were up to no good, started making trouble in Green Hill. He got in one little fight and Amy got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Scrap Brain." He whistled for a cab and when it came near, he gave it the middle finger. If anything, he could have said that this cab was Tails, so he went "THAT'S NO GOOD."
[[Image:NOWYOURAMAN.JPG|thumb|left|Sonic becomes [[Linkara|A MAN]] in his Super form.]] He pulled up to Metropolis Zone at approximately 7 or 8 to claim his throne as the prince of the video game industry. Also throughout his entire career, Sonic has been in the porn industry...Yep...Look it up anywhere, I ain't lyin...

==Crimes==
Is believed to have assassinated [[John Lennon]]. What a fag.

He killed [[Mario]] by ejaculating on him in super form. Sonic's semen was highly acidic and it destroyed Mario's skin.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Sonic|EXACTLY!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|LET'S SHIT!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|That's no good.}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|You're too slow!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|URRNGH! I'm MasturBAAAAAAATIIIIIIING!!!}}
[[Image:Robbed.gif|thumb|right|Sonic just realizing something.]]
[[Image:Everyonehatesonic.gif‎|right|frame|This happens to Sonic a lot nowadays.]]
{{poopquote|Sonic|Tails is just like a little kid with his new toy.}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|SHUT UP TAILS!!!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Too easy! Piece of cay-ache!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|SHIT! Let's go!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|He's just a piece o' cheesy hardware!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Let's rock!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Whatcha see is whatcha get! I'm just a guy who loves adventure! I'm ''Sonic the Hedgehog!!''}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|They might even open the gates of [[hell]]!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Damn, they got away!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Maybe I could've, but I didn't, didn't I?}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|SPEED BREAK!!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|TIME BREAK!!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|I'm Sonic the Kidnapper!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you since I know everything your going to do! STRANGE, ISN'T IT!?}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Hey! THAT'S MY LINE!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Don't worry, I'll be out before you know it's funny.}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Whoops! Time to make a U-turn!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|I told you, I'm not a rat! I'm a HEDGEHOG!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Hey, Kids! [[Dr. Rabbit|Strangers]] may offer you all sorts of things to get [[you]] to [[cum|come]] with them, [[Nostalgia Critic|like movies, magical tickets, and a lot of other horseshit,]] but chances are that [[Dr. Rabbit|they're]] just trying to touch your bathing suit area, and that's [[no]] [[good]]!!! So if a [[Dr. Rabbit|stranger]], especially Robert Prodsky tries to touch [[you]]r [[penis|chili dog]], just get outta there!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|They can't live me up!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|See Korean, I told you we'd make it in the 'he did not meet the agent.'}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|My brain, you know it going to [[die]].}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|No copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Let's make like [[Dr. Eggman|Eggman's]] hairline and recede!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|That tornado's carrying a car!}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|Watch out! You're gonna crash!! ah.}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|I'll just stick with "aliens", if that's okay with everybody.}}
{{poopquote|Sonic|You have a problem learning how to read!}}

==Likes==
*Chili Dogs
*[[Princess Sally]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Breezie]]
*[[Braveheart|Freedom]]
*[[Tails]][[Image:SonicMarioParty.jpg‎|thumb|right|Sonic before Sonic Shuffle. ]]
*Himself
*Relaxing
*[[Knuckles the Echidna|Knuckles]]
*Being a DJ.
*[[Masturbation|Masturbating]]
*Tormenting Dr. Robotnik
*[[Namco]] (especially their ''Soulcalibur'' and ''Klonoa'' games)
*Tumble-dryers
*Hogging hedges

{{vid|3dK2XLCzXdY}}

==Hates==
*Water (unless it's in a glass)
**Swimming
*[[Robotnik]]
*[[Silver the Hedgehog]]
*[[SNK]] (Even though they collaborated at least once.)
*Chip
*[[Sonic Underground]] (He insists that [[DiC]] made it without his permission.)
*Shaymin
*People who think he's [[gay]].
*His unpleasable fanbase.
*Eggman's copyright laws.

==People Who Like Him==
[[Image:HEY_SONIC_by_advancedq.jpg|thumb|right|Sonic with one of his fanboys.]]

[[Image:Normal Prevails 079.jpg|thumb|right|Sonic the Hedgehog during his 18th birthday.]]
*[[DaftPunkYoshi]]
*[[Amy Rose]]
*[[Princess Sally]]
*[[Sara]]
*[[Mario]] (sometimes)
*[[Ninja Coach Z]]
*[[Fiddlesticks411]]
*Shahra
*Sackboy (Loves [[Furry|dressing up like Sonic and his friends.]])
*Everyone who bought the game and enjoyed it.
*Cool people
*Heck, pretty much everybody in general.
*People who say they hate him.

==People Who Hate Him==
Sonic believes he is cool and popular, but there are actually quite a bit of people who have expressed disdain for him. Among those who have said they "hate that hedgehog":

[[Image:Classicsonic.jpg|right|160px|Sonic]]

* [[Dr. Robotnik]]
* [[Dr. Eggman]]
* Erazor Djinn
* Deedee from ''[[Dexter's Laboratory]]''
* [[Shredder]]
* Grouchy Smurf
* Ozu
* Mr. Grumpy (duh!)
* Mr. Clean
* [[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] (In a rival hate way)
* [[Mario]] (the rest of the time)
* Classic Sonic fans (Again, unpleasable.)
* [[Solid Snake]] (though he can't explain why)

==Trivia==

[[Image:16 fanart sonicgottagofast.gif|thumb|left|An artist's common rendition of Sonic.]]

{{vid|2jSKyWSvNgg}}
*He loves tumble dryers.
*Has a giant ego. [http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d17/CaptainKRool/4-Showoff.jpg No really.]
*He is a pyromaniac.
*Believes that there's fire where there's smoke.
*He's trapped in there.
*He had a reputation of helping kids learn things about life in a short segment called Sonic Sez, although after an absurd confession to Tails, he lost it and decided to instead teach people about how sex and drugs are cool. Sonic Sez is now the most viewed show in the world, topping all of the existing charts, and being downloaded by billions every minute.
*He is a pervert.
*Has the power to go Super.
*He had an car accident in 1992 and his vocal chords had to be replaced. Without anything else, the doctors gave the vocal chords of a [[No|local black kid]] to him. He later got his own voice back though... and then Sega forced him to change it again. Oy.
*Has a brother called Awesome Possum.
*He can play guitar. If you're lucky he'll show you his Eddie Van Hedgehog impression.
[[Image:Sequels1a.jpg|frame|right|The list of sequels Sonic The Hedgehog has done.]]
*Lost a lot of weight between the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive and the Sega Dreamcast eras.
*He has a partnership with Tex Avery.
*Did he put a tube in his mouth? LMAO?
*He once called a male drug abusing rabbit a [[Lesbian|dyke]].
*During his time in court, Sonic admitted he only lip synches the [[Sonic Underground]] songs and that it's [[Edd]] who does all the singing for him.
*If he masturbates too much he turns into his Werehog form, as seen in Sonic Unleashed. This form is filled with primal fury and an excess of guilt.
*Is now currently working in porno movies to help him get over his problems. (If only he knew that it'd make them even worse.)
*Was [[one]] of [[two]] video game characters to appear as a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade's balloon (the other was <s>Mario</s> [[Pikachu]]).
*Might be related to [[Don Patch]].
*May or may [[no]]t be [[Aladdin]].
*Also once used a [[sword]] for battle against the Black Knight.
*Thankfully, he decided to [[Yes|go back to 2-D before it's too late for him.]]
*Shadow once stole his line. What's funny is that Sonic has never said the line in question throughout his entire life.
*He believes you can't catch him, at least not until the fall of [[1993|'93]].
*He cannot play [[baseball]].
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Sonic the Hedgehog]]
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[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Comic Book Characters]]
[[Category:Anime Characters]]
[[Category:Nostalgia Critic]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
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[[Category:Athletes]]
[[Category:Fighters]]
[[Category:Olympiads]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Super Smash Bros.]]
[[Category:Race Car Drivers]]
[[Category:Sega Characters]]

Mama Luigi

2011-04-08T05:15:33Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{CharBox
|name=Mama Luigi
|image=hqmama.png
|shows=Super Mario World
|sex=Female
|age=
|occupation=Full Time Mum
|cast=Tony Rosato
|nationality=Italian
}}{{Char}}

''"Mama Luigi is pure concentrated [[Anti-Uctions]]"'' [[Xuchilbara]]

''"That's Mama Pure Concentrated Anti-Uctions to you, Superbork!"'' Mama Luigi

According to the Society of Poop, likes baby shaking, screaming, and falling for hours. He is a split personality of Mario's brother, [[Luigi]]. He was born from pure hatred, brewn by [[Law for kids]] in an effort to stop people for standing in no-parking zones. (S)he also hates [[sex]], so she's actually fairly tolerable most of the time.

==History==
[[Image:Luigisleeps.png|frame|right|Mama Luigi after a long day.]]
{{vid|gmaknzSZSCE}}
One day, Mama Luigi had to babysit [[Oogtar|a spoiled brat]] together with Mario, the child escaped and got killed wen he fell into a lava river, the frustration caused Luigi to materialize his rage into the beast known as [[God Luigi]].

Mama Luigi has many minions at his disposal, examples being Ganon, [[Bill O'Reilly]], and the SilverFatMagician. Mama Luigi also implemented a stronghold on the internet, spawning abominations such as Yaoi, Sonic Fancharacters, Mudkipz, and Pop-up ads (Some refer to this as the "Internet Hate Machine"). The program seems to randomly choose the website it will rest in, although most of the time it resides in the #chan boards, Gaia Online, Runescape, Myspace and YouTube (Which explains the strange behavior of the people that reside in these areas.)

Some of the time, Luigi is able to subconsciously control Mama Luigi, and use this precious time to tell [[Yoshi]] a historically revised version of the time he first met him. He is able to do this by using his control of [[Anti-Uctions]], and copyright infringement. For more information regarding the creation of Mama Luigi, see [[Big Poop Theory]] (or check out the [[Enclosed Instruction Book|enclosed instruction book]]).

==Personality==
Although being a split personality of Luigi, Mama Luigi is Luigi's final form. He likes to tell people about his title, correcting them, mothering [[Yoshkins]], and saving [[the Princess]]. He seems to have an obsession with a strange [[Magic Balloon]] and [[bagel]]s. Mama Luigi also enjoys telling twisted lies and falling onto Skull Rafts, which to him are [[No|Good Medicine]]. She is also a pedophile and necrophile.
One time, after being bored of Mario's repeated asks of bring a secret weapon, she got pissed off and turned into [[Mama Frusciante]] and told Mario to "get out of my show, motherfucker. " He is also a renowned jumper, able to hit ceiling light switches with her pelvis. It is interesting to notice that Mama Luigi had a master who transformed her/him into Super Dimentio.

She is also the queen of all [[AIDS]], and has stolen and destroyed many cures by many people, and is hindering the work of the [[Medic]] to avoid another cure.

Sometimes Mama Luigi will lie to people and tell them he's going to wring out his cap, when really he strips naked and goes streaking. This can cause bystanders to have heart troubles or even [[Die|die]].

Also, Mama Luigi has been k[[no]]wn to make [[Yoshi]] [[masturbate]] at least once in his entire lifetime.
She has shown empathy once when Yoshi died, and after that sad experience, she now has one friend: [[Link]]. She refused to shoot him, then they realized they both lost something. Link was the only thing that prevented her from turning into a second [[Emo Luigi]].

==Health Issues==
Mama Luigi has a rare lung disorder which causes him to [[wheeze]] when he says his name in a corrective fashion and occasionally when he talks about [[Brooklyn]]. However, this does not appear to dramatically affect his overall health, as he is somewhat amused by said fashion.

{{vid|ouBCFmLm8t0}}

Mama Luigi is a known recovering [[Magic Drugs|pebble pea]] addict. He also used to smoke [[Magic Drugs|killer weeds]].

Mama Luigi has some psychological issues, namely paranoia and a deadly fear of giant caterpillars. He will often scream "HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!" even when no caterpillars are around. To vent his anxiety, he painted a portrait called The Scream, which most people incorrectly think was painted by Edvard Munch. In fact, if you look closely at the background during a full moon on a Tuesday, you can see Yoshkins and some [[Caterpillars|Wigglers]].

==Celebrity Status and Turmoil==
It has been officiated that Mama Luigi was indeed a Spice Girl honing the name, Mama Luigi Spice. Due to turmoil within their old record label's marketing staff, Mama Luigi did not receive a Spice Girls Doll contract as did the other girls. Unfortunately, Mama Luigi has confirmed that she is not going to be touring with the Spice Girls when they go on the "back together" tour, due to criminal charges against her for man slaughter, since her [[bagel]] [[Rock TV|rings]] gave people cancer, and killed several of them.

==Skills==
Aside from having the power to correct his victims, he has also proven to be a good swimmer (And can additionally summon [[dolphins]] on a whim.) and have memorized the mapping of the [[Mushroom Kingdom]]. He also will ear rape anyone if he gets pissed off way too much (which will kill anyone within 50 Kilometres in the vicinity).

She also has some skills with electronics, which she used to start a company in [[China]] to make [[Bagel]] [[Rock TV|Rings]]. This ultimately failed, since the bagel rings gave people cancer from [[Anti-Uctions]] radiation, which caused a [[Phoenix Wright|lawsuit]].

==The Birth Season==
Mama Luigi's eggs were recently fertilized by Gay Luigi, Mama Luigi is currently the carrier of 30 fetuses and 180 STDs. Big Boss's next big mission is to destroy Mama Luigi's womb before he gives birth. Since Mama Luigi is the Queen of [[AIDS]], this will be difficult.
[[Image:Yoshigunfire.png|thumb|right|Yoshi trying to destroy Mama Luigi before he destroys us.]]
[[Image:Mama.jpg|thumb|right|Mama Luigi has something to say to [[you]].]]
{{VidCaption|pB8Ph0hnRPY|The most popular Mama Luigi poop, made by WalrusGuy}}
== Quotes ==
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Like they say in [[Brooklyn]], early to bed, early to catch [[Earthworm Jim|the worm]]. Or is it the [[bagel]]?}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Well, it all started when [[Mario]], [[Princess Toadstool|the princess]] and I came to [[Dinosaur World]] for vacation.}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|[[Koopa Football Players]] grabbed [[Princess Toadstool|the Princess]].}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|[[Mario]] was attacked by a [[Koopa wizard]] and a Magnum Bill! And I found myself face-to-face with a [[Fire Sumo]]!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|I fell for HOURS!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Nothing below but boiling lava! Good thing I found a [[Magic Balloon|magic balloon]]!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|These skulls were GOOD medicine for me.}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Yeah well I didn't think it was so funny!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|YEOW!!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Nothing to be scared of in the water. Gasp, except THAT!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|WOAH!! [[DOLPHINS]]!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|We've gotta find [[Mario]] and [[Princess Toadstool]]. Stay here while I wring out my cap.}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|[[Mario]], wherever you are, HEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}}
[[Image:400px-Mama_Luigis.jpg|thumb|400px|right|Mama Luigi's [[spaghetti]] box.]]
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|This kid makes [[Mario]] looks like he's on a diet!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|That'll teach ya to mess with my new lil' buddy [[Yoshi]]!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|YIKES! WHERES THE LIGHT-SWITCH!?}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|It's the liftoff that got me!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|That's MAMA Luigi to you [[Mario]]! [[Wheeze|*Wheeze*]]}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Uh, good night [[Yoshi]]! Ahhbahhbabahbaba.}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Anyway I was falling. Nothing below me but boiling lava! I [[DIE]]D! ........ Wait! A skull raft came by! I [[DIE]]D!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Yeah well I didn't think it was so fucking funny!}}
{{poopquote|Mama Luigi|Oh fuck it! Goodbye!}}

==Trivia==
*[[Luigi]] has shown some hints about wanting to return to his Mama Luigi form in some current [[Mario Kart Wii|games.]] {{Accuracy|form=note}}

== Links ==
[http://www.mamaluigis.com/ Mama Luigi's Restaurant] - known for its [[Spaghetti]] and parodies of The Sopranos.

[http://jedi787plus.deviantart.com/art/Mama-Luigi-s-Spaghetti-118283000 Mama Luigi's Spaghetti] - Mama Luigi's response to Papa John's Pizza, founded after Mama Luigi's restaurant (above) didn't fare very well. Motto: Better 1-Ups, Better Spaghetti!
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mama Luigi}}
[[Category:Characters - Male]]
[[Category:Luigi]]
[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]

Gwonam

2011-04-08T03:03:31Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=Gwonam Al-Saraha Murbad
|image=Animation fin8.jpg
|caption=Well done, Link!
|shows=Link: The Faces of Evil
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=87
|occupation=Radical Muslim Cleric, Businessman
|cast=
|nationality=Saudi Arabian
|noaddnation=yes
}}
Gwonam is a character commonly used in Youtube Poop, generally referred to as the "Freaky Carpet Guy", or "[[Squadallah]] Guy", simply "[[Squadallah]]", or "[[Pimpsahoy]]".

His real name is "Gwonam Al-Saraha Murbad" or "Rajinder".

==General Information==

===Early Life===
[[Image:Gwonam's-Pizzeria.jpg|frame|right|Gwonam showing his Pizzeria, which was made out of legos behind King Harkinian's '41 Plymouth.]]
Gwonam was born in 1923 in Saudi Arabia. He had three brothers, [[Jafar]], Goshaman, and Gotseman. His parents were actually from India. Often, the air was polluted by the many oil rigs. At age 22, Gwonam left the country to get away from the noxious gases. First, he moved to London. [[4]] years later, Gwonam left England, and moved to [[Sparta]]. He was still not happy. 3 years after moving to Sparta, Gwonam moved into China, this time he felt happy. He lived in China for 17 years. But then, the Communist government of China decided to fire Gwonam from his prophet job. Gwonam was depressed and didn't know what to do. He took a trip to the U.S. in 1969 to attend Woodstock. He stopped off to eat at [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]] and became instant friends with Morshu after putting his mastery of maps to use and explained that Woodstock would not be held on Morshu's restaurant. Gwonam was given a coupon for free carpet flying lessons as a reward. Gaining interest in magic, he decided to drop his hippie lifestyle and become a genie/wizard. He attended the University of Squadallah from 1970-1974, which is where the famous line "[[Squadallah]], we're off!" comes frome, being the University's chant. Then, he met [[King Harkinian]] , the king of the land of [[Hyrule]]. The king took Gwonam to Hyrule and asked him to be his royal Genie Prophet Guy. Gwonam accepted, and became happy once again. He has been living in Hyrule ever since.

[[Image:Gwonam-1969.jpg|frame|right|Gwonam when he was a hippy.]]

It is not confirmed on how he became homo[[sex]]ual, but it is speculated that these traits began in his teenage years. Scarce records show that he snuck kisses with other teenage boys in the neighborhood. He would even kiss his own brothers. This means that these boys were [[Gay Luigi|gay]] long before gay was well-known.

===Modern Life===
Gwonam is an old guy on a magic carpet that brings about a sacred prophecy. Gwonam claims that the prophecy states, "Only [[Link]] can defeat [[Ganon]]", but the prophecy clearly says, "Squiggle squiggle squiggle [[fish]] squiggle squiggle". His catch phrase is the famed, "[[Squadallah]]!" which he says every time he sets off on flight or when he gets an erection. It has been rumored that Gwonam has a deep obsession with taking Link and [[Zelda]] to iHOP. He also seem to like to stand in a same posings and movements when Link meets him in his magic carpet while he (Gwonam) tells Link about Ganon's minions. he also likes to tell Link to "look" or "see" Something..

Cultural Heritage: Saudi Arabia/India

==Controversy==
Gwonam appears to have an obsession with [[cum]], and seems to enjoy Link's company. It has been rumored that Gwonam is a pedophilic homosexual due to his particular liking towards Link. In addition, some scientists believe that he's the creator of the Milky Way, but others are less convinced.

==Possessions==
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam, [[Link]], [[King Harkinian]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]

Gwonam seems to be quite the item master and is a large help when it comes to aiding Link on his quests.
*[[The Map]]
*A Magic Carpet
*A strange <strike>turban type hat</strike> shower cap.
*Weird facial hair
*A strange ability to see into the future to find out what Ganon's minions are doing
*A lamp which allows him to "see the Sand Crumies"
*[[Cum]]
*Possibly some [[birds]].
*Evil birds!
*[[YouTube]]
*Lots of random CDs, especially from his favorite band, "[[Birds|The Byrds]]".
[[Image:Animation fin14.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam and his [[bird]].]]
==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, Ganon and his minions as seen in the Island of [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"It is written, only Link can defeat Ganon."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"There is no time. Your sword is enough"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"SAQUALLADAH!! We're off!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"These are the faces of evil. You must conquer each."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Here is The Map! Where do you wish to go?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"LOOK AND SEE, [[GORONU]]..."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"AT LAST, you have the vision to find my house! Now, go with many blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Go with many Zelbinems!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Well done, Link! Ganon is now imprisoned. [[Cum|CUM]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Look, already Koridai is returning to peace and harmony. The Birds are singing. [[no|Isn't it beautiful?]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"YOU, LINK, ARE THE HERO OF KORIDAI!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] must die."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[cum|CUM!]]"}}
[[Image:Hermit flat6.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam's house, [[no|isn't it beautiful]]]]
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the [[evil]] forces of [[Ganon]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[you]] must [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Link]] must [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Well done, your majesty!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[King Harkinian|Your Majesty,]] [[Link]] is [[gay]] and [[your face]] is beautiful!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Many Blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, [[Ganon]] is returning to harm [[you]] all!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[No]] [[Link]], consider this... [[Ganon]] is ''evil''!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"''Evil'' warriors are the most dangerous of [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"At last, [[you]] see!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] must defeat [[Ganon]] and [[I]] will say "[[You|YOU]], [[Link|LINK]], ARE THE HERO OF KORIDAI!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] will [[die]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]], [[Link]], Are [[Retard]]ed!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Link, we're going to the beach."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[NO]], YOU!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Very well, [[you]] just opened a can of whoop[[ass]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Morshu]]..."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[I]]'m going to kick [[you]]r [[ass]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Go, with [[no]] blessings!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[You]] have the vision!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Oh [[no]] [[you]] [[no|didn't!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"It isn't my fault!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[NO]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"STOP!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Very well, [[Link]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"What did [[I]] miss?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[I]] live in [[Koridai]]."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Zelda]], [[the King]] is [[die|DEAD!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Beautiful!!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"May the squadallah be with you!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Squadafuckinglah!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"What the [[fuck]] do you want from me now?!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Fine, I will sing for you once again."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"That is enough. I'm too tired."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Enough is Enough your majesty."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"You, Link are a lazy turd!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your majesty, [[Fat Mario|Mario]] is here!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Only fchan is furry enough, you must fap to Fchan!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Giygas|You cannot grasp the true form of my SQUADILLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your Majesty, CD-i is officially [[die|dead!!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"This is well done, Your Majesty! [[SkyGuy16]] is the [[shit|shiznit!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"[[Yes|Shall I have this dance?]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"That was some [[good]] [[Peppy Hare|Barrel Rolling]], [[King Harkinian|Harkinian!]]"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Ganon is in my house."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Completely wrong!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Calm down!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"The birds are being stoned. Isn't it beautiful?"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Dad and his minions have seized the island of Car In Time!"}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"District in the morning main content defeating Jenny."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"Your majesty, [[Waxonator]] seized your imagination."}}
{{poopquote|Gwonam|"There is no [[dinner]]."}}

==Trivia==
*His favorite band is [[Birds|The Byrds]].
*He once worked for the Angry German Kid.
*Was originally casted for the role of "Genie" in ''Aladdin'', but was replaced at the last minute for failing a drug test.
*He has six toes on his left foot, but no one knows about that (until now}.
*His claim that "only Link can defeat Ganon" has been disproved by the fact that Ganon has been defeated by [[Zelda]] and [[Game Luigi]].
*In about a million and one years, Gwanom will be turned into a mechanical genie, and put on an island. There he will meet a giant baby and [[Flapjack]].
*Gwonam tried to sell his flying magic carpet to Link in 1978, but Von Vulture claimed it was fake and 30 years later Link still has not bought it.
*Once said that [[The King]] totally burned [[Zelda]] and [[Link]].
*He has a YouTube account called nijjhar1.
*Once owned a restaurant chain called [[Squadallah Burger]] hiring [[Link]] as an employee, but since it only sold burgers, it failed in the light of [[Duke Onkled]]'s Diner that also sold pizza, potato chips, spaghetti and pizza pie.
*Is the current owner of Gwonam's Pizzeria which at one point was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]. [[Mayor Kravindish]] works there as the Maitre D' and Curly is the waiter. The King however dislikes the place because of the lack of hamburgers.
[[Image:Gwonamarticle1.jpg|thumb|right|Gwonam currently lives his life by growing stuff out of the King.]]
*He once sang the [[I.M. Meen (video game)|I.M. Meen]] song. He sang it beautifully, but he could only do the first part. The reason why he didn't do the rest of the song was because he got possessed by something.
*[[Link]] masturbates to his [[Facebook]] pictures. Scary.
*Squadallah could possibly be referring to "Squad Allah", an Islam youth group.
*The birds are singing. Yes, it IS beautiful.
*He once thought that [[CD-i]] was officially dead as a YouTube Poop source. However, that was before [[the King]] decided to show him that "[[SkyGuy16|Big Beat Mario]]" video. That video made Gwonam change his mind about CD-i being dead.
*Owns several flying carpets. One is from the '70s (he's been trying to sell it to Link for over 30 years), one has a hemi, and one is an unreliable second hand carpet.
*He does own one car, a 1925 Nash.
*He wonders what is wrong with the idea of school to the people who hate school in the first place.
*One time, he told [[Link]] to calm down. Unfortunately, that made things worse for him.
*He knows how to make [[4]] versions of hisself. However, he rarely shows his power, so you're shit out of luck right there.
*He lives Growing plants out of the [[head]] of [[King Harkinian]].
{{DEFAULTSORT:Gwonam}}
[[Category:Gay Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Indian]]
[[Category:Pedophiles]]
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Business People]]
[[Category:Characters - Arabian]]
[[Category:Dicks]]
[[Category:Elderly Characters]]
[[Category:Terrorists]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:College Graduates]]

George The Volcano

2011-04-08T02:52:37Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{char}}
{{CharBox
|name=George the Volcano
|image=DADDYNOW1.png
|shows=Volvic Ads
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=Over two millions years old.
|occupation=Making his water tasty for the ladies
|nationality=English
|cast=
}}
[[Image:Georgefire.JPG|thumb|George while he suffers his burns.]]
[[Image:Georgesummoningtheappocalypse.jpg|thumb|George raising hell. Literally.]]
[[Image:Volvic box art.jpg|thumb|right|Volvic on the [[Nintendo]] [[Wii]].]]
'''George the Volcano''' is a massive puppet volcano that lives in Europe. He has suffered fifth-degree burns from a run-in with [[Link]] and does not wish to be disturbed. Apart from this, he is infact a gigantic, naturally evolved Volvic Vending Machine who has gone slightly insane over the millennia from having to serve people like [[Tyrannosaurus Alan]] his volcano rock juices. He is also a massive (literally) pervert and likes grabbing various things by the conkers. Is thought to be the horrific lovechild of [[Thrakkorzog]] and an unknown partner.

Cultural Heritage: Prehistoric Britain

==Personality==

He is extremely loud and obnoxious, known to bug travellers (usually [[Tyrannosaurus Alan]]) on a daily basis about various forms of Volvic. George has an unnatural obsession with his birds, often leading him to yell out "MY BIRDS!". Although George is often cool and collected, he is known to erupt from time to time. While he normally fills his water with Volcanicity (filtered through his handsome volcano rocks), he is occasionally known to put other things in his water such as twists, breakfast, cum, turds and bombs. Travellers must be wary to carefully inspect anything given by George before drinking it (despite the fact he will insist, sometimes to the point of [[violence]], that you TRY SOME right away).

Some fun facts about George:
*His volcano rocks are incredibly handsome.
*Life apparently grabs him by the conkers.
*He is known to often say things he isn't supposed to.
*He is one of the loudest beings in all of the universe, beaten only by [[Haruhi Suzumiya]], [[Binky the Clown]], [[Luffy]], [[Loud Kiddington]] and [[Icarus]]. The late [[Billy Mays]] was formerly in first place, but his death caused others to seize the title.
*When provoked, he is capable of summoning the apocalypse.
*Gorge is considered a suave ladies man among the bird population.
*Being completely immobile, George secretly wishes Tyrannosaurus Alan would just fuck off and stop bothering him.
*He is a pervert.
*One time he was making Cillit Bang for breakfast.
*He is the Volcanicity God and will not let anyone have the Chaos Emerald of Life unless they make a sacrifice to him first.
*Location: Lake District, UK.
*Really hates [[Yoshi]] because he hates watah! Glubba-dub-dubba!
*Has the ability to spout out the cure for everything, but can only be done by saying magic words only Spoil-Sport remembers.
*Is thought to be female, but he just has a ''very'' tiny penis.
*Hated by [[Scott]] because his factory just happens to be right next to George, who constantly erupts.
*Like George, [[Gwonam]] also has a very unhealthy obsession with birds.
*It has been speculated that he is [[Misty]]'s father.
*George is the owner of his own private car dealership. It is suspected that he uses his birds to slave away all day to make the cars, and although this may be true, the [[Scout|only person who ever saw it]] was too shocked to say anything. By the time he came to his senses, he [[No|forgot what he was going to say.]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|George Volcano|Hello, [[Tyrannosaurus Alan]]! I'm filling my [[water]] with [[cum|Volcanicityyyyy]]!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|Rain filters down through my handsome volcano rocks to create a wild mineral [[water|WATERRRRR]] that grabs life by the [[Conkers|CONKERS]] and hydrates you till you shout [[cum|'CUM]] on [[Earth|world]]! I'll have you for [[Breakfast|BREAKFAAAAAST]]!' Try some!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|Rain filters down through my handsome volcano rocks to create a wild mineral [[water|WATERRRRR]] that grabs life by the [[Conkers|CONKERS]] and hydrates you till you shout- My balls! You're steppin' on my balls!!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|And making it tasty for the [[Female|ladies]]!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|My [[birds]] DO like a twist with their [[water]]!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|MY [[birds|BIRRRDS!!]] They like a fruit flavor when they're hydrating! Look! [[birds|BIIIIIRDS!!]] Tasty Volvic!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|I'M THE DADDY NOW!!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|Busy day, [[Tyrannosaurus Alan|Alan?!]]}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|How DO you DO it, [[Tyrannosaurus Alan|Alan?!]] Do you perhaps drink new hydrating [[Volvic Revive|Volvic REVIIIIIVE?!]] It's got [[Magic Drugs|ginseng and guarana]], and will help keep you ALEEERT!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|WELL DONE TO [[Volvic Revive|REVIVE!!]]}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|APPEASE ME WITH GIFTS AND SACRIFICES!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH AT [[Tyrannosaurus Alan|TYRANNOSAURUS ALAN'S]] TINY ARMS!}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|No one may have the Emerald of Life without first making sacrifice to Mr. Volcano, the Volcanicity God.}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|Do you perhaps laugh at my tiny penis?}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|[[Yes]].}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|What the [[fuck]] are you doing, you lazy Muppet?! You've been sitting on your fat [[ass]] for over [[4]] hours! [[Yes|You're such a waste of space!]]}}
{{poopquote|George Volcano|[[Fuck]] you, Tyrannosaurus Alan! I'll have you for breakfast!}}

==Links==
*http://www.volvic.co.uk/ -George's Secret Hideout
*http://volcanogeorge.spaces.live.com/ -George's Blog
{{DEFAULTSORT:George the Volcano}}
[[Category:Business People]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]
[[Category:British]]

King Harkinian

2011-04-08T02:35:16Z

SamuraiMaster:

{{char}}
{{featured}}
{{CharBox
|name=King Harkinian
|image=4fourIV.jpg
|shows=The Legend of Zelda
|sex=Male
|age=54
|occupation=King of Hyrule
|cast=
|nationality=Danish
}}
'''King Harkinian''', better known as simply '''The King''', is the noble ruler of the land of [[Hyrule]] and one of the most famous characters in the [[YouTube Poop]] universe. He loves talking to and about [[Mah boi|his boi,]] [[Link]]. He also constantly wonders what's for dinner, and likes to aid his far-away friend, [[Duke Onkled]]. However, the duke gave the king over to the forces of [[Ganon]], but when the king was rescued by [[Zelda]], he made Duke Onkled scrub all the floors in Hyrule, and later sentenced him to death. His castle has been destroyed several times over the years.

==Early Life==
[[Image:The-Kings-Parents-1945.jpg|thumb|The King's parents.]]
Very little is known about The King's early life, although it has been speculated that his father may have been Santa Claus. It is known that he was born sometime in 1956, and spent at least three years of his childhood in Johannesburg.

==Areas of Expertise==
*The King has extensive knowledge of what true warriors strive for, whether it be peace, [[dinner]], or certain [[Cum|bodily fluids]].
*The King has mastered many psychic-based powers, and can teleport from outdoors to indoors in an instant. Rumor has it the idea for the movie "Jumper" was based off this skill.
*The King also has a Wii, but has not released his friend code to the Hylian public. He is currently one of the worst [[Wario]] Ware players, and sucks at Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart Wii. And don't get us started on Wii Fit.
*He rocks at Guitar Hero. [[Zelda]] dislikes this, and will throw rocks at the King if he is caught playing it.
*He has his own brand of cereal, called Munf Munf. The cereal is so good that eating an entire box of it will make your head explode. The King likes to advertise his Munf Munf, but [[Gay Luigi]] keeps interrupting him. [[M. Bison]] thinks Munf Munf is DELICIOUS, and [[Glutko]] thinks it tastes like diarrhea, which is DELICIOUS to him.
*Expert at using a webcam, and tortures people who give him "dislike" ratings on Youtube.
*It is rumored that he trained [[Xuchilbara]] in the ways of the Poop, but failed horribly.
*[[Vorhias]] managed to steal his dinner once. He barely made it out with his life.
*It is heavily suspected The King is a hard [[BOOZE|drinker]]. He usually drinks when talking about his "[[Link|boy]]", and even laughs like a drunk frequently, possibly even flirting with Zelda. This may be due to his bottomless goblet which he holds most of the time.
*The King is one of two people who have mastered the lightsaber in [[Hyrule]]. The other person is [[Link]].
*The King can utilize different kinds of beam attacks, mostly coming from his mouth. His signature attack is "Dinner Attack", and when activated, the King's colours are inverted and his eyes bloodshot, and fires a massive beam that smells like Thanksgiving.
*Knows some of the best places to eat dinner. His all time favorite restaurant was [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], eating there for dinner every day from the opening in 1967 to the closing in 1985. He stopped eating there when Rick bought the place and constantly [[Rick Roll|Rick Rolled]] The King every time he tried to eat.
*Before he became the King of [[Hyrule]], he once wrote a book about his expertise in life called ''"[[Adolf Hitler|Mein Junge]]."'' He also wrote about his beliefs such as having peace becoming what all true warriors strive for.
*He once walked to Gamelon after Ganon seized his [[ship]]. It is unclear how he got there. He either has the ability to walk on water or breath underwater.
*The King appears to be going through a time of financial difficulty. The only thing he wears is an orange gown and a headband with a [[Triforce]] symbol on it, and he has to use the same goblet for all his drinks. He looks like a plebeian.
*During his time in the pit, he gained the power of regeneration, which explains why he didn't seem harmed when his dick got caught in the door.
* His belching can resurrect the dead if he consumes alcohol during a funeral, such as resurrecting [[Impa]] who died of a heart attack due to loud thunder, and because the zombies get destructive and he has to belch to revert them into living beings while [[Link|someone]] uses the [[Book of Koridai]]. He is now forbidden from drinking alchohol during funerals.
*It should be noted that the King is a pretty bad father. I mean, he just lets [[Princess Zelda|Zelda]] get captured during the night by [[Ganon]], and he's always leaving on useless trips to [[Gamelon]] where she ends up having to save him. I know that she is mature and should look out for her own life, but...still!
*Over the years, Harkinian has collected many strange and dangerous weapons and vehicles. He owns the "Dinner Blaster", a devastating Weapon of Mass [[DIE|Destruction]], which was made [[illegal]] in the United YTP Islands conference. What the Dinner Blaster does is disputed, some say it shoots [[cheeseburger]]s which make you extremely fat, providing they don't knock your head off. Others say that it can do that and convert into a chaingun. The reason why the effect of the Dinner Blaster is disputed is because Harkinian keeps altering it and making upgraded versions. [[Robotnik]], [[Fat Mario]], [[Gay Luigi]] and [[Link]] have all suffered the effects of the Dinner Blaster. The King also owns many Flying Saucers and armed Zeppelins.
*The reason Harkinian used to ponder what's for dinner is because, actually, there was none. All of the food in Hyrule has been stolen & eaten by [[The Food Loving King|that other king]], until Harkinian ordered his starving and miserable army to invade the Food Loving King's nation. Hyrulian tanks charged into the capital and destroyed the castle and the Food Loving King was taken out and shot by a firing squad commanded by Harkinian himself. Now, there is plenty of food for all, but the King now has an irreversible habit of wondering what's for dinner, a reminder of those harsh, early years.
{{vid|mUZcqomD_YY}}
{{vid|Io9hqmP9UTo}}
[[Image:King Christmas card.JPG|thumb|300px|Season's greetings from the king.]]
[[Image:DefaultCAXZUR43.jpg|thumb|right|The King, [[Link]], [[Gwonam]], and [[Zelda]] when they finally have their acclaimed [[dinner]].]]
{{vid|m73qRnCsdFM}}
[[Image:5292 1165786834126 1511575173 457031 2729346 n.jpg|thumb|right|The King in real life]]
{{vid|9jQ1k92JnUw}}
[[Image:STRIVEFOR01245-1.png|frame|The King's eye problem, similar to that of [[Mayor Kravindish]].]]
[[Image:The-King-driving-his-Desoto.jpg|thumb|right|The King in his 1946 DeSoto.]]
===Drug Abuse===
Sometime before 2007 he was a weed smoker. He and [[Sonic]] were on good terms and would normally always smoke weed together. Due to his drug addictions every time he tried to say "we" he mistakenly says "weed" due to either force of habit or a terrible voice actor hired by Philips. He appeared in a banned episode of [[Sonic Sez]] as a special guest to say the word weed. We're not sure whether he's cured or not, but he's definately stopped...for now.

==Likes==
*[[Dinner]]
*Food
*[[Link]]
*Arguing with [[Zelda]]
*Torturing [[Duke Onkled]]
*Dancing with [[Ganon]]
*Saying "[[My Boy]]"
*His pet platypus
*Telling people to [[scrub]] stuff.
*[[Laughing]]
*Taking constant trips to Gamelon.
*Evanescence
*[[KFC]]
*His Ship
*The number [[4]]
*Playing his Wii.
*[[No|His Fundamental Mormon Faith(FLDS) ..yes ladies, he's polygamous!]]
*Summoning Bob the Builder to do his dirty work
*Duke Onkled's Diner
*[[Morshu's Dinner Palace]]
*Guitar Hero
*His cars
*[[Scatman]]
*Mad Men (The TV series)
*[[Whinefeld]] (He thinks it's funny. Strange, considering that [[Robin]] thought that it was the freakiest thing he had ever seen.)
*Cars (The Movie)
*Hades (Only because he is enemies with Zeus)
*Fishing
*Giving unreasonable demands

==Dislikes==
*Not having dinner
*[[Ganon]]
*[[Zelda]], however this is questionable, as he sent Duke Onkled to prison for asking [[sex]] from Zelda, implying that he cares somewhat for her.
*[[Snacks]]
*[[Potato chips]]
*[[Froggo]]
*[[Joseph Stalin]], that commie piece of shit!
*[[Adolf Hitler]],as he wants the King's dinner for the Aryan race.
*Zeus (For stealing his MAH BOI line)
*The (fake) King from the Zelda cartoon
*[[Big Cheese]] (See Zeus)
*Being questioned (Especially for his reasons of travel to Gamelon)
*His other pet Fluffy.
*[[Communist|Tra]][[German|bants]] (he says that they are pieces of [[shit]].)
*[[Willy Wonka]] (he is causing children to not eat their [[dinner]]).
*Squadala Burger
*Gwonam's Pizzeria
*Hamlet
*Rick's Roll's (Rick Astley's short lived restaurant that replaced [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]])
*Rock Band ([[Link]] plays it all the time)
*Rosebud Frozen Peas
*Blotto Bros. Wine
*[[I. Fleecem]] (The King has owed him money for oil, rope, dinner and a ship since 1957).
*[[Gwonam]] once showed him 2 girls 1 cup. During it, he puked, and [[Gwonam]] laughed at the king's misery. He sentenced [[Gwonam]] to scrub the floor where he threw up. [[Gwonam]] said it was worth it.
*Slamming his penis in a door.

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|MAH BOI!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|This peace is what all true warriors strive FOR!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Four!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I wonder what's for dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You're finally becoming a man, [[My Boy|boy]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|After you [[scrub]] all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy! Take him away!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMM...how can [[Wii|we]] help?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Zelda, [[Duke Onkled]] is under attack by the evil forces of Ganon. I'm going to Gamelon to aid him.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Did somebody say "dinner"?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|If you don't hear from me in a month, send Link.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|ENOUGH!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|My [[ship]] sails in the morning.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|You saved me!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], I'm under attack by the evil forces of [[Ganon]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit, what's for my [[fuck]]ing dinner?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't eat me for dinner! I taste like shit!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[I]] saved myself!!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to have ICE CREAM for dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Zelda]], [[I]]'m always talking about [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, I'm going fishing.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|[[Link]], [[I]] ate fish for [[dinner]].}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Talk to the hand cause you don't hear the face in a month.}}
[[Image:Laugh4.gif|frame|right|The King and [[Zelda|his daughter]] after seeing his own article.]]
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk about time to me, boy!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|I'm going to get dinner!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk back boi. I've had a rough day.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Do you even know what I'm going through!?!?}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Don't talk shit about mah boi's face!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Dropped the ball!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Kellogg Department is under attack by the evil forces of [[Magic Drugs|Drug]]. Aren't going to come along.}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mutzich bathroom should probably almost forty-five degree angle that we can talk about restrict!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Mercy? This is Hyrule!}}
{{poopquote|King Harkinian|Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:King Harkinian}}
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Bisexual Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Royal Characters]]
[[Category:Internet Memes]]
[[Category:Porno Watchers/Lovers]]
[[Category:Militaristic People]]
[[Category:Hyrule]]
[[Category:Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Kings]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Zelda: Wand of Gamelon]]
[[Category:Criminals]]

Morshu

2011-04-07T04:52:06Z

SamuraiMaster:

{{char}}{{CharBox
|name=Morshu von Hundinberg
|image=Goronu4.jpg
|shows=Link: Faces of Evil, Sonic Unleashed?
|noaddshows=yes
|sex=Male
|age=61
|occupation=Shopkeep, Small Business Owner, Restaurant Manager
|cast=
|nationality=German
}}
[[Image:Morshu.jpg‎|thumb|270px.|right|You want it?]]

The man who is found in ''[[Link: Faces of Evil]]''. A local merchant, his real name is Morshu Hundenbilg, but prefers to be called "Malfunctioning Bubba", in rememberence of his college years. Also mistaken for Tim Wonnacott.

His main products include lamp oil, rope, and bombs, among other "[[sex|things]]". He also acts like a jerk to people who aren't rich enough to buy things. All payments for his wares must be made up front, since he can't give credit.

He has a secret food stash in his shop. He doesn't sell the food so he can eat it himself, hence his large size. He was also the lead singer of ''The Cure'' for two months, although there is no record of this.

Cultural Heritage: Germany

==History==
[[Image:MorshuCOD.PNG|frame|right|Morshu as he appears on the cover art of A Confederacy of Dunces.]]

Morshu's parents, Franz and Eidelwiess Hundinbilg, immigrated to [[Koridai]] in 1936. Three years later, Edielwiess Hundinberg gave birth to Morshu's older brother, Shastock. Shastock, however, had complications with the Spanish flu, and died due to an overdose of penicillin at 19 years of age.

In an attempt to start a family again(Franz and Eidelwiess were only 12 when they were married, as per Gamelon custom), they then gave birth to Morshu. Morshu, early in his life, showed a great capacity for wild hand gesticulations and dramatic close-ups. Seeing the potential, his parents put Morshu in an apprenticeship with the then-leading merchant of Koridai, [[Goronu]].

Morshu, however, soon grew so skilled in the art of shopkeeping, that he overcame Goronu, who grew exceedingly jealous of Morshu's skills. Goronu soon approached [[Ganon]], whom he traded his soul to for the ultimate in shop-keeping powers. Using his newfound strength, Goronu attacked Morshu's shop in an attempt to rid himself of the troublesome pupil. However, on the way, Goronu got jock itch, and had to leave in order to deal with the tremendous pain. Morshu, seeing his oppurtunity, opened up a chain of stores in Goronu's absence, becoming the third wealthiest man in Koridai (behind [[Harlequin]] and [[Gwonam]]). In 1967, he opened [[Morshu's Dinner Palace]], which became a very successful restaurant, catering to the then college seniors, The King, and Duke Onkled. The place was well known for it's well cooked meals and Morshu's great singing. It closed in 1985, when the techno craze started, because Morshu was afraid to use anything that was a computer. He sold the restaurant to some guy named Rick for 200,000 ruppees and 50 cans of lamp oil.

With his newfound wealth, Morshu lead a consistantly opulent lifestyle, feasting regularly on Arpagos eggs and pure fat. He also gained even more income by regularly supplying the one thing [[The King]] always strived for: Child pornography.

Unfortunately for Morshu, the KBG, upon finding Morshu directly linked to the child pornography ring in Koridai, descended upon Morshu and managed to foreclose most of his chain stores. To compund to his problems, Goronu recovered from jock itch, and was "itching" for revenge. Morshu, faced with so many problems, had to declare bankruptcy and foreclose on all of his properties.

By the time [[Link]] reaches Koridai, Morshu is a shadow of his former self. Only controlling the market on Lamp Oil, Rope, Bombs, et all, he is in a dire state, so much that he is no longer able to give credit, due to Goronu's strong-men continually harassing him. He says that Link must pay full-price for all goods, but he really is willing to take anything, any contribution Link offers.

Upon the defeat of Goronu by Link, Morshu is able to open a parlor on the side to earn a little bit of extra income. It turns to be a great success, though only after making the parlor an underground meeting-place for Gwonam's drug cartels. .

Morshu finally passed away in 1997 due to heart problems contracted from cholosterol problems. He is survived by 16 children out of wedlock. He also has a distant cousin named I. Fleecem. The two were good friends back in the 1950's. Morshu worked as Fleecem's apprentice and learned all about how to run a good buisness before becoming Goronu's apprentice. Fleecem however made the mistake of offering people credit instead of full payments. In 1947, he sold the King lamp oil, rope, dinner, and a ship on credit. 61 years later, the King still refuses to pay. This event is partly why Morshu could never give credit, as he thought that the King would refuse to pay him as well.

Morshu was released from [[The Pit]] after some time, partially due to a lack of space in The Pit. He immediately returned to his store, and now has a job making music in addition to being a shopkeep.

Morshu once unsuccessfully did a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkcfgMUlyGg], "About you Now"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACCsSpEbuAc], and "Headphones On"[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxoBGtF2UCo].
{{vid|avL4_WiIS9U}}

===Morshu in ''Sonic Unleashed''?===

An Ice Cream salesman, in the newly-released Sonic Unleashed, looks a lot like Morshu. Many people spectulated that the Ice Cream seller IS Morshu, but with a little different job and different products.

===Usage===

Despite having only two lines of dialogue throughout the entirety of [[Link: Faces of Evil]], Morshu has always been a staple in the world of YouTube Poop. He is particularly recognized for the "Mmmmm..." sound that he makes while in deep thought, but words like "rope" and "[[bombs]]" have also become synonymous with the tubby shopkeeper. He is very prevalent in a few [[YTPMV]]s.
{{VidCaption|EHLSX_O9KqY|Morshu already made something that nobody else did, yet.}}

==Notable Poops==
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SquKH5w1uc All About the Shopkeep]'' by JacksonJunior101, was one of the first major Morshu poops.
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKKiMRr2IQE Morshu Breaks Out in Song]'', by FromTheGang, is one of the more notable Morshu YTPMVs, and one of the earlier ones.
* ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp4ljo8ejao The Morshu Show]''The Morshu Show, by [[themorshushow]], is a popular series featuring the wacky adventures of this fat, fat man.

==Also Known As==
[[Image:DeviantPOOP Morshu s an Ass by DrSVH.png|thumb|Morshu in a deleted scene.]]
* The Shopkeep
* The Shopkeeper
* [[Goronu]], due to a mistake by [[Gwonam]] or the viewer.
* Malfunctioning Bubba
* Fat Guy
* MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* [[James Bond]] (This name comes from his alter-ego.)
{{VidCaption|BEj9QOEXV8s|Morshu being a dick as usual.}}

==See Also==
* [[Link: Faces of Evil]]
* [[Goronu]]
* [[Ushrom]], the shopkeeper of [[Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon]]

==Trivia==
* Sometimes, he wants you to give up for [[no]] apparent reason.
* He also thinks that the new [[Xbox 360|Xbox]] sucks.
* His favorite song is "MMM MMM MMM MMM" by The Crash Test Dummies.
* He has his own show and his own movie.
**[[The Irate Gamer]], [[Sonicdude3]], and Hellsing920 all made regular appearances on his show.
* According to [[Gwonam]], he is a "Fatass cock knocker".
*He is not allowed to be on airplanes. This is becuase he was once suspected of selling [[bombs]] to Muslim extremeists.
*Despite dying from weight problems, he still hasn't gone on a fucking diet.
*His second favourite song is "I wanna MMM MMM" by The lawyer.
*He enjoys eating lard, raw fat, and sips [[Lamp oil]] every day.
*He loathes [[Link]], as he never buys a [[fucking]] thing from his store and begs for credit- which Morshu shall never give.
{{Vid|nCmFRRpV9AU}}
[[Image:Goronu6.jpg|thumb|right|As long as you have enough rubies.]]
[[Image:Goronu5.jpg|thumb|right|Sorry [[Link]], I can't give credit.]]

==Quotes==
{{poopquote|Morshu|'''''BOMBS!!!'''''}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[You]] want it?!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Lamp oil, rope, '''''[[Bombs|BOMBS]]:''''' [[you]] want it?! It's [[you]]rs, my friend, as long as [[you]] have [[enough]] [[boobs|rubies.]]"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Sorry [[Link]], [[I]] ''can't give'' credit! [[Cum|Come]] back when [[you]]'re a little, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, RICHER!!!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[You]] are my friend."}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, [[Link]]!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"I want your credit card!"}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"[[Link]]'s mom has little boobies."}}
{{poopquote|Morshu|"Come back when you're a little, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...boobier!"}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Morshu}}
[[Category:CD-i]]
[[Category:Business People]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Dicks]]
[[Category:Characters - Appears in Link: The Faces of Evil]]

Genie

2011-04-07T04:49:18Z

SamuraiMaster: /* Quotes */

{{Char}}
Genie is a [[Blue Koopa|blue]]-colored wish-granting being who once lived inside a lamp.

==Biography==
He came out of his lamp for the first time when [[Morshu]] poured lamp oil into it, and he hasn't returned since. After having his gold bracelets surgically removed, he went around the world, touring such sites as the Rio Grande, the Leaning Tower of <s>Pizza</s> Pisa, and the Great Wall of China. He has a small drinking problem, and a severe allergy to KILLER BEES!!! He soon got a career of granting wishes, but had to compete with [[Jafar]] for customers. Eventually, Jafar threatened the Genie into shutting down his business by pantsing him, and Genie started a tour guide business, taking people to all of the places he had been to during his travels. When this business ran dry, he formed a mariachi band, which didn't last long at all. Out of work, Genie considered early retirement, and then suicide. As a Genie, though, he couldn't be killed, and settled with finding yet another career. He is now a televangelist, preaching the almighty power of Sand and its omnipresence across national television, and why you should accept it.

==Likes==
[[Image:Sand.PNG‎|thumb|right|250px|The Genie advertising the greatness that is Sand ([[No]]tice the look that the Genie has right now. He does that by Sand and Sand only.).]]
*Sand
*Being Blue
*Pyramids
*The Rio Grande
*Mariachi Music
*Parties being in Agrabah.
*[[BOOZE|Whiskey]]
*Aladdin

==Dislikes==
*[[Jafar]]
*Being chased by KILLER BEES!!!
*Having no friends.
*[[Iago]]
*Being grabbed by Granny Jafar.
*Being Pants'd
*Spiders
*Those who don't accept Sand ([[no|as their savior]]).
*Anakin Skywalker(he thinks sand is rough, coarse, irritating, and gets everywhere).

==Quotes==
*Who's laughing now!!
*SPIDERS!!
*KILLER BEES!!!
*Things could get ugly...
*There's a party here in Agrabah!
*Grabah!
*The Rio Grande!
*There is nothing in the world quite like a friiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddddddddd...
*A mariachi band!
*I SEE LASERS!
*IT'S A MIRACLE!
*HE BELIEVES! HE BELIEVES!
*Make way here he comes. Ring bells, bang the drums. Ring bells, bang the drums.
*BangaBangaBangaBangaBanga!
*[[NO|Are you gonna love this GGGGGGUUUUUUUYYYYYY!?!]]
*Correction!
*Orrection!
*[[Erection]]!
*Once again this whole program has been brought to [[you]] by Sand! It's Everywhere! Get used to it!
*I don't think you quite realize just what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities...
*My faithful companions, I have [[DIE]]D!

==Trivia==
*He is allergic to KILLERBEES!
**And he often overdoses on his allergy medicine.
*Is one of the loudest beings on the face of the earth.
*You ain't never had a friend like him!
*If life is your restaurant, then he's your maitre'd!
*He finally got free from the [[Magic Drugs|magic lamp]] that he had been cursed to be in for over ten thousand years thanks to [[Aladdin]].
*After he became free, he traveled all over the world.
*He now spends his time watching video rewiews of people and spending time being on popular websites.
*He finds drowned corpses attractive.
*He also likes Mudkips.
[[Category:Fat Characters]]
[[Category:Video Game Characters]]
[[Category:Disney]]
[[Category:Loud Characters]]
[[Category:Book Characters]]
[[Category: Powerful Characters]]
[[Category:Characters - Arabian]]
[[Category:Singers]]